And so I shed...

It must be the full moon that has me feeling like this... or maybe having Maxwell serenading me on the F train got me thinking... but then again after seeing some of the most inspiring art I've seen in a while who wouldn't feel the way I'm feeling...

I stood outside staring @ the moon, ugh these inner conflicts... my girl-friend sent me an article about it, something about shedding... and lately I've been feeling exposed. I know I am quick to say my piece and speak my mind, but when it comes to my emotions, that is a different story. A story that often has no happy ending.

Showers are the quickest way to heal the soul... so I scrubbed. And then I thought go write, or rather shed it off. So here I go over exposing myself... it might not make sense (I'm writing off of this high) to you, and I'm sure when I finish typing it wont make much sense to me either--- and this is why I call myself MisUnderstood.

Sometimes I get it sometimes I don't...these thoughts...these thoughts...

I said in my previous blog I'm romantically happy... haven't said or felt that in almost two years...but the truth is I'm anxious & scared. Lo que pasa es que yo me entrego cuando me gusta un chamo...un chico...un hombre... its like word vomit--- I can't help but express my care/like... and trust me, I get hurt plenty. And so I am grasping on to the logical side that has occupied my emotions. Its not that I'm falling in love (ha) its that the slightest notice of liking sets all my skeptical censors off...peeepeppepeeeeepp... I want to shed this "anxiety" and teach myself to soak it in as opposed to blocking it off... I want to shed away the closure I never got from someone who impacted the way I see relationships and men as a whole---I know I will never get closure, not from him, not even if I get the gift back... if the gift were returned it would lose its value ...have you ever given someone something and the gift took a little piece of you with it?...that's how I feel---I want to shed that feeling...I'm upset @ myself for having a million and one things I wish to do and yet I have no idea where to start or where to go to do them. Everyday I wake up with a new idea---I want to be a drummer, I want to start this gosh darn book which I have over 15 chapters for, I would love to pick up my phone and call my dad and say...---I'm mad @ myself for feeling a little bit less of a success when I'm around other people who have found their purpose/are passionate about their field---God knows these people have insecurities too---I want to shed this internal "anger" and live life right now right here...

::exhale::inhale::
Shed away...I say shed it all away.

Como una Estrella Fugaz

(Art By Demostina: www.demostina.com)