It's okay to look back

I tend to save conversations I've had with people, mainly because sometimes I need to rewind time and see what was happening at a particular moment in my life.

I found an email sent by my ex-boyfriend to me on 11/7/09...

"you said so much that registered with me last night, but one thing in particular was when you said something like "if nothing more you will at least remember for being nice" Yeah that's not verbatim, you didn't say "nice". But the point is you were living in the moment, and you were giving me you, you were not worried at all about the future, you were content with the fact that no matter what happens we will at least share this great memory. We will remember how fun, loving, warm, exciting, our experience was. Even if that experience only consisted of one special night.

I appreciate you. "

In romance nothing is guaranteed, just like in life. You never know when things will last or break apart, but whatever happens in the end... the important thing is that you remember that it's okay to look back. And it's also okay to feel good about what once was very important in your life.

Ms. Blanco

She's that girl

My best friend came over and we watched the entire 5th season of Sex and the City. Before that, she handed me an autographed copy of the book by the same title she had gotten for me... yes she is this awesome, and no I didn't ask for el book.

She's the friend that will hide behind a bush because you need moral support while breaking up with someone who is toxic for you... she's the friend that will remind you that you are awesome when you're feeling down... the friend who will support your crazy dreams, the one that sends you cards for Valentines days... the girl next door that will pick up the phone and will listen intently about the most corny insignificant story in the world... She's honest and sweet.

I swear everyone needs a friend like her...

Cheers to the girlfriends out there that become sisters in the long run.

Love you Daze!

Challenge Yourself

I like that I have friends who challenge my way of thinking and the way I process things. We all have different perspectives and move at our own pace in this life.

I think it's important to constantly strive to grow as a person, and others constructive criticism of you is necessary for this. But what I think is more important is that you sit and meditate, and recognize the things that you need to work on. Not for others, but because in the long run it will make you happy.

I recognize my faults as a young woman, and believe me I am trying every day to get a little better at this conscious adult thing...

I am not trying to reach perfection, as that is ridiculous. I am simply trying to be happy.

Love yourself! Others will follow...

dazed and confused

I feel like what I imagine Carrie felt when burger left her that post it...

Realize. Accept. Keep it moving'

Ms. M

Skip

I'd like to skip all the "you have to pay you're dues" and land on a stable not-so-scary place in my career...

I'd like to skip all the horrible dates, the games, the one day I like you so much and the next I'm going to take 6 hours to text back a simple "hello", and land at real-simple-tell it like it is- love...

Until then, there is hope and faith.

My face always gives away my emotions

Excited

To be back in my element and see how the rest of this year goes for me...

See you soon concrete jungles!

11 Days

I can't wait to be back in my city! I miss NYC so much it's really unexplainable. My nights of random moments with my close girlfriends, my mothers cooking, talks with my older cousin, the transferring of trains, my hair salon in Washington Heights, my favorite Thai spot in the LES, the sound of bachata blaring from someone's car, the people watching at Union Sq...

You truly learn to appreciate something precious when it has been removed from your life for a while... I'm glad I was away for six months. Perspective is key in life.

Real love...

This song makes me feel the same way Unthinkable by Akeys still makes me feel.

I look forward to being in love, real, passionate, supportive love. The kind that you know will get you through any day, the kind that wakes you up with a smile on your face and gives you this sense of hope for the future.

If you have that love with someone, cherish and cultivate it...

Misconceptions

I understand that through my facebook pictures I may look like one of those females who's only occupation is to throw on some heels and shake my rump, but it is not. Here are some facts about me since it seems there are some misconceptions out there...

1. Yes I do go out, but not as much as people think I do. It is all an illusion. I actually have a career that takes up a lot of my time, mental included. So although my profile picture may scream dancing socialite in reality I am a non-makeup, glasses on the face flats on the feet wearing woman.

2. Yes I date. I happen to attract all sorts of men. But no I don't sleep around. In fact I am the least likely to sleep around. I know, I know-- I have a dirty mouth and say all sorts of inappropriate things to my girls but when it comes down to it I don't have the lack of morals and emotional detachment that most men have to enjoy a couple of random nights with random tall black handsome built like a model strangers. And no, I am not saying I am a saint but what I am saying is exactly what I wrote above.

3. Yes I encourage dating, it helps a person get to know themselves. But I am a bigger fan of monogamous relationships, and so I encourage that as well.

4. Yes I do enjoy a free drink, but no I don't need anyone to buy me one. The first thing I do when I walk into a party is buy my own drink, and if I'm with friends I offer them one as well, and that's fine. I am not the gold digger type nor will I ever be. If you buy me a drink I'll probably end up buying you one as well. I'm not the girl who hangs by a table hoping for a free cup of something, I work hard so I can play hard.

At the end of the day, I don't pretend to be someone I am not. I am not the most connected nor am I the hottest commodity. I don't lead a lifestyle outside my salary bracket. I enjoy sexual gratification as much as the next person but I have wonderful will power and would rather wait for an exclusive partner. And although I do enjoy my life 95% of the time and can say that it is a sweet one, don't read so much into the pictures people... they're only 5% of my story.

I mean what I say, and I say what I mean.

YM

Remember!

For every person who doesn't want you, there are 10 who think you are more than fabulous.

Know your worth... walk tall with grace.

I laugh

At the men I've met over the past 11 years who mistake my humor and flirting (if that) for being naive... I know the game. I wrote a whole chapter about it.

Carry on.

Can't change

You can't change situations that already happened.

You can't change feelings that were hurt.

You can't change people and their behaviors.

But...

You can change how you view and handle life.

Change what doesn't work for YOU and keep what does.

evolving.

How much is that gold fish?

Everyone around me is either getting engaged or having a baby. Mainly having a baby. If you're having a baby congrats.

I could barely commit to a diet, imagine a child.

hmmm...

Maybe I'll get a gold fish.

Question for you

What do you define as happiness?

Where's the fast foward button...

I see what's going to happen and I have no way of changing it. Damn you human emotions and lack of super-powers. Out of all the men that desire me and wish for a chance at a relationship, the one I find myself most interested in does not seem to be on my page.

As per usual.

But, this doesn't mean I won't hold on to the good of the lessons that are to follow... thank you experience.

At the end of my day, men will come and go... I'd rather trip over a couple of stones now and enjoy a nice cold beer with my equal later.

Living.

As fate will have it...

I am moving back to NYC. Not because I couldn't make it out here in LA but because my career demands it...

How do I feel? Bittersweet to be exact.

I love NYC, no matter how much shit people may talk about my city, I will always love it. And I mean that deep, crazy, butterflies in your stomach, excited about it love. True never ending, non-judgemental love. I have a multitude of open arms at home waiting to give me that love that I hold very closely to my heart.

LA? Well, LA is like the guy you don't really want to date at first and end up catching feelings for. I've enjoyed my growing relationship with my sorors out here and my wonderful roommate. I've enjoyed being home 85% of the time and spending time with myself, figuring myself out in this new stage of my life. I've enjoyed my diverse co-workers who have embraced my crazy dry sarcastic humor... I've enjoyed the few dates I've had with some sweet men. The one's who managed to get through my "mean" demeanor made my time out here that much more memorable.

But, as fate will have it, as she always has it, I will be where I'm meant to be. And this time around is back to NY. I'm excited to return to my most faithful and lasting relationship (aside from the one I have with God), and that's the one I have with my city.

Cheers to what lays ahead...

Sigh

Just when the world started to seem more stable,

I find myself in the middle of an earthquake.

I keep repeating to myself...

Life only throws you what the universe knows you can handle

Stages

When we're in our teens we go through a height spur... I find myself in a mental and emotional one.

I just...

In romance, I take my risks. The worse that could happen is that

I have another lesson to add to my book.

Besides, someone out there is looking forward to someday

having me in their life...

Leaping.