!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Memories...
(ahhhhhh) I am so hyped!! Tomorrow is my last day of classes as an undergraduate!! Isn't that crazy?! I can't believe I made it.
I
MADE
IT
The girl that fit the failure statistic: Single mother, from the hood...
Let me state that again...
I
MADE
IT
What an accomplishment... If I could do a back flip without killing myself, I definitely would be doing one right now. 9 semesters of communication classes, repeating stats (I hate that fkin class, and anyone who got an A), thinking fashion merchandising would be a breeze (ha, ha, not), taking journalism and hating it for being so hard (go figure now I want to be a writer)!!
OVERWHELMED!! (<--- just an emotion at the moment, mixed with happy, ecstatic, outrageously hopeful) I have stories up the wazu! to share... my goodness, becoming a SIA changed my college experience completly.. if it weren't for all the road tripping I did, all I would know would be MARIST... and THANK YOU SWEET LORD BABY JESUS that I got to know everything else... Yo check it... Freshman year it was always me, my best friend Daze and my homegirl Jess... 4 years ago Marist didn't have that many Latina girls. So us 3, came through looking like the hottest thing off of the 7 train from queens. We had dudes calling dibs on us the first week of classes... ahh! FANTASTIC. We all get bagged by football players... dig it. Except mine turned into a night at the end of the semester where I drank cheap liquor and had sushi for dinner... and lets just say foaming at the mouth was never attractive. But yea, I managed to scream to my boy El Atrevido "WHY COUDN'T I HAVE MET YOU BEFORE HIM... SHT I CAN COOK BEANS WITHOUT WATER IF YOU WOULD TELL ME TO" Now, back then, I didn't know how to cook... not beans atleast. And I can tell you from cooking now, that you DEF NEED WATER. Sophomore year I was a ghost, I was always in the library and then I pledged... more library... haha... but my grades were on point. And I got to experience sisterhood at its finest... I became the DASHING DEUCE OF WAY TOO SICK SPRING 06. and then life became one huge party, where I was VIP. I remember the time I decided to stroll for my housemates (everyone had too much to drink, and it was like a show... there was clapping and hurray hurray )... there was that one time Tim told us not to lay on his bed (again drinking) and we said ok! he came back 2 secs later and where was daze and fan?! ON HIS BED CRYING : NO, YOU'RE THE BEST BEST FRIEND A GIRL COULD HAVE... LLORONAS. I managed to have idk how many love interest (toot toot the horn), go abroad to Italy (mi bella Roma), have my first and I hope last disastrous serious relationship filled with many many many crazy stories of its own (look for it in my book), perform in front of hundreds of people, pledge a successful line, have 3 internships, read poetry @ the nuyorican, have 3 littles, win a trip to the VMA's, write the begining of my screenplay... my jesus, the list goes on...too many jokes, too many friends, and yet I'll keep going...I could go on for days... but I wont. If the walls of my dorm could talk, it would be crazy... Many journal filled pages with tears, laughter, happiness, sadness... amazing moments I'll never forget. Marist was just a stop on my journey... and now I'll move forward to my destination.
I
MADE
IT
The girl that fit the failure statistic: Single mother, from the hood...
Let me state that again...
I
MADE
IT
What an accomplishment... If I could do a back flip without killing myself, I definitely would be doing one right now. 9 semesters of communication classes, repeating stats (I hate that fkin class, and anyone who got an A), thinking fashion merchandising would be a breeze (ha, ha, not), taking journalism and hating it for being so hard (go figure now I want to be a writer)!!
OVERWHELMED!! (<--- just an emotion at the moment, mixed with happy, ecstatic, outrageously hopeful) I have stories up the wazu! to share... my goodness, becoming a SIA changed my college experience completly.. if it weren't for all the road tripping I did, all I would know would be MARIST... and THANK YOU SWEET LORD BABY JESUS that I got to know everything else... Yo check it... Freshman year it was always me, my best friend Daze and my homegirl Jess... 4 years ago Marist didn't have that many Latina girls. So us 3, came through looking like the hottest thing off of the 7 train from queens. We had dudes calling dibs on us the first week of classes... ahh! FANTASTIC. We all get bagged by football players... dig it. Except mine turned into a night at the end of the semester where I drank cheap liquor and had sushi for dinner... and lets just say foaming at the mouth was never attractive. But yea, I managed to scream to my boy El Atrevido "WHY COUDN'T I HAVE MET YOU BEFORE HIM... SHT I CAN COOK BEANS WITHOUT WATER IF YOU WOULD TELL ME TO" Now, back then, I didn't know how to cook... not beans atleast. And I can tell you from cooking now, that you DEF NEED WATER. Sophomore year I was a ghost, I was always in the library and then I pledged... more library... haha... but my grades were on point. And I got to experience sisterhood at its finest... I became the DASHING DEUCE OF WAY TOO SICK SPRING 06. and then life became one huge party, where I was VIP. I remember the time I decided to stroll for my housemates (everyone had too much to drink, and it was like a show... there was clapping and hurray hurray )... there was that one time Tim told us not to lay on his bed (again drinking) and we said ok! he came back 2 secs later and where was daze and fan?! ON HIS BED CRYING : NO, YOU'RE THE BEST BEST FRIEND A GIRL COULD HAVE... LLORONAS. I managed to have idk how many love interest (toot toot the horn), go abroad to Italy (mi bella Roma), have my first and I hope last disastrous serious relationship filled with many many many crazy stories of its own (look for it in my book), perform in front of hundreds of people, pledge a successful line, have 3 internships, read poetry @ the nuyorican, have 3 littles, win a trip to the VMA's, write the begining of my screenplay... my jesus, the list goes on...too many jokes, too many friends, and yet I'll keep going...I could go on for days... but I wont. If the walls of my dorm could talk, it would be crazy... Many journal filled pages with tears, laughter, happiness, sadness... amazing moments I'll never forget. Marist was just a stop on my journey... and now I'll move forward to my destination.
Freshman year...
Sophomore...Junior...Senior.. 1/2... friends... sisters... life!
Monday, December 8, 2008
MISUNDERSTOOD...
So I a lot of my friends who have checked out my blog have asked me why it is that I write so much about relationships, romance, men and women etc.. and the reason is because it is a recurring theme in my life across the board not to mention it is a topic that anyone can relate to... so it is easier to write, since most people have been in similar situations, or know of someone who has.
My issue is that my outlooks on relationships and romance are often MISUNDERSTOOD... and then I'm forced to either ignore it or do some major damage control. Most men in my past either get what i have to say or they don't. I guess my comments, questions and concerns are left open to be interpreted as people wish... if you don't ask then I can't assume you MISUNDERSTOOD me...
On the other hand, I understand that this may have ended some possible romantic encounters prematurely, but the way I see it, if it was meant to be it woulda' been.
I watched how to lose a guy in 10 days again, and that movie really makes sense. Most of us do a lot of things that turn men away, i.e. being needy, moody, too much in their personal spaces (all they hear is blah blah blah lol)... and this is something that you try to work on with age (I'm guessing). But after the many dates (from hell) I've been on I think I'm okay with how I see romance... so here are my views for those of you who have asked...
Love: I believe you can have love for something or for someone forever. But there is a difference between loving and being in love, and most people fail to remember that. Then again, love to me is enjoying a summer breeze in complete silence outside my building as I write... what brings joy to your heart. Love is too deep of a word to truly explain.
Commitment: Commitment is work. You have to work to earn the trust, to earn the "love" and the honesty of the person you are with. I see it as a privilege. I only get worked up about this subject when ignorant comments are made... but I'm working on that. Do I enjoy it? hmmm it is yet to happen (on a healthy level) so I'll get back to that one. But, what I do know is that you cant get ahead of yourself too quick because you might ruin things. In other words, don't rush don't push don't pull back... just stroll along. Because if you rush it can end with a crash, if you push it can end with a crash, and if you pull back you may find yourself knocking on the door while someone already has your spot. So stroll... along.
Honesty: ALWAYS be honest. I can't stress that. If you are then you have nothing to regret. And this allows you not to burn any bridges. Id rather an ugly truth than a pretty lie. This is why I ask so many questions. PREGUNTONA.
The X factor: for the most part, if you ended it on good terms you can always keep it cool. Again I don't burn any bridges, sometimes they come in handy when you have to get across the river. To me, getting jealous over an X is juvenile. Unless the person gives you a reason to feel threaten then the X shouldn't matter... they are the X for a reason.
Discussing where you stand: If the vibe is right this is a simple thing to do. I always go for this question because it allows you to see if you are really getting to know each other or if you are just a hobby.
Feelin' you Feelin' me: Our generation doesn't use the phone much to call, but rather to text. Texting though can be MISUNDERSTOOD communication that can lead to a dead end real quick. But to find out if he/she is into you, is quick short and painless. So I don't see a problem with that... does that make sense? However, don't beat around the bush. I once asked a guy the deal and it took him a week to respond, HA, ask me if I ever got back to him? Keep it simple.
Snooping around: Oh man, i can write a book on this one. Ladies, if you put your nose where it doesn't belong you will either find something you dont like, or you will mess w.e. you have going. And if you are my girlfriend, I'll be the first one to say "you set yourself up for it". Guys are nosey too (I know this) (you know this), but they are usually covert about it. Curiosity is a human emotion, just don't let it drive you.
Okay, don't take my 2 cents if you don't want. We all have different dating profiles and standards... but I know what I know, which is why I do what I want and say what I feel...
Hope that clears it up!!
Fan Star
p.s. on a more personal note! I did a website! for my class... check it out. If you don't have windows vista it wont look right (sorry!) but still... pretty exciting: http://thefix09.weebly.com/home.html
My issue is that my outlooks on relationships and romance are often MISUNDERSTOOD... and then I'm forced to either ignore it or do some major damage control. Most men in my past either get what i have to say or they don't. I guess my comments, questions and concerns are left open to be interpreted as people wish... if you don't ask then I can't assume you MISUNDERSTOOD me...
On the other hand, I understand that this may have ended some possible romantic encounters prematurely, but the way I see it, if it was meant to be it woulda' been.
I watched how to lose a guy in 10 days again, and that movie really makes sense. Most of us do a lot of things that turn men away, i.e. being needy, moody, too much in their personal spaces (all they hear is blah blah blah lol)... and this is something that you try to work on with age (I'm guessing). But after the many dates (from hell) I've been on I think I'm okay with how I see romance... so here are my views for those of you who have asked...
Love: I believe you can have love for something or for someone forever. But there is a difference between loving and being in love, and most people fail to remember that. Then again, love to me is enjoying a summer breeze in complete silence outside my building as I write... what brings joy to your heart. Love is too deep of a word to truly explain.
Commitment: Commitment is work. You have to work to earn the trust, to earn the "love" and the honesty of the person you are with. I see it as a privilege. I only get worked up about this subject when ignorant comments are made... but I'm working on that. Do I enjoy it? hmmm it is yet to happen (on a healthy level) so I'll get back to that one. But, what I do know is that you cant get ahead of yourself too quick because you might ruin things. In other words, don't rush don't push don't pull back... just stroll along. Because if you rush it can end with a crash, if you push it can end with a crash, and if you pull back you may find yourself knocking on the door while someone already has your spot. So stroll... along.
Honesty: ALWAYS be honest. I can't stress that. If you are then you have nothing to regret. And this allows you not to burn any bridges. Id rather an ugly truth than a pretty lie. This is why I ask so many questions. PREGUNTONA.
The X factor: for the most part, if you ended it on good terms you can always keep it cool. Again I don't burn any bridges, sometimes they come in handy when you have to get across the river. To me, getting jealous over an X is juvenile. Unless the person gives you a reason to feel threaten then the X shouldn't matter... they are the X for a reason.
Discussing where you stand: If the vibe is right this is a simple thing to do. I always go for this question because it allows you to see if you are really getting to know each other or if you are just a hobby.
Feelin' you Feelin' me: Our generation doesn't use the phone much to call, but rather to text. Texting though can be MISUNDERSTOOD communication that can lead to a dead end real quick. But to find out if he/she is into you, is quick short and painless. So I don't see a problem with that... does that make sense? However, don't beat around the bush. I once asked a guy the deal and it took him a week to respond, HA, ask me if I ever got back to him? Keep it simple.
Snooping around: Oh man, i can write a book on this one. Ladies, if you put your nose where it doesn't belong you will either find something you dont like, or you will mess w.e. you have going. And if you are my girlfriend, I'll be the first one to say "you set yourself up for it". Guys are nosey too (I know this) (you know this), but they are usually covert about it. Curiosity is a human emotion, just don't let it drive you.
Okay, don't take my 2 cents if you don't want. We all have different dating profiles and standards... but I know what I know, which is why I do what I want and say what I feel...
Hope that clears it up!!
Fan Star
p.s. on a more personal note! I did a website! for my class... check it out. If you don't have windows vista it wont look right (sorry!) but still... pretty exciting: http://thefix09.weebly.com/home.html
Sunday, December 7, 2008
learning...
I was supposed to go to Binghamton this weekend... lets just say it didn't happen.. even though I tried.
Congrats to the two newest sisters @ Bingo Hermana Aislinn & Hermana Invierno... Those were like my god children... Yes I love my org... shoot me. Since I was no longer in upstate mode, due to the difficulties, I went into NYC mode.
So I spent Friday night with my MJ Yuvs. Fun times, we discussed a lot of things, but the most fun was wing men and how to pick up people at bars. That was simply hysterical. Then a group of 5 other females and about 4 males joined our party and it was to say the least a sexually charged conversation... involving hand gestures and surprisingly enough, the men were giggling like little girls that just found out what a training bra was.
Saturday was the continuation to the whole pick up artist ordeal, and really its not that difficult. You just have to learn to take the wins with the loses. Prepare yourself for rejection and continue like nothing happened. Sounds simple enough right?
I was actually excited about watching the fight between Pac man and De la Pot and I was all for the Filipino guy... well me and Yuvs, against her family. All 20 of them. Haha that was dope, I love cheering for the underdog. We were being instigators the whole time, and when Pac won... it was a wrap. The merengue tipico was blaring through the speakers and the smell of pastelitos filled the air. Not to mention the ridiculous amount of coronas that were popped opened around the room. It felt SO GOOD to be around mi gente. Humble & happy. I was truly happy.
The night ended with a curve ball... I'm still asking WTF. But again, you take the wins with the loses. KEY.WORDS.
I read this article on ELLE about Candice Bushnell the author of Sex and the City and Lipstick Jungle, and I'm simply inspired. I'm going to give journalism and writing a shot... I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Those who think writing is not a science... well you have another thing coming.
Okay I'm off to bed, I feel like I got into a ninja fight and lost...
Fan Star
Listen to: Musiq's new Cd is dope... specially "ifuleave" with mary J.
Congrats to the two newest sisters @ Bingo Hermana Aislinn & Hermana Invierno... Those were like my god children... Yes I love my org... shoot me. Since I was no longer in upstate mode, due to the difficulties, I went into NYC mode.
So I spent Friday night with my MJ Yuvs. Fun times, we discussed a lot of things, but the most fun was wing men and how to pick up people at bars. That was simply hysterical. Then a group of 5 other females and about 4 males joined our party and it was to say the least a sexually charged conversation... involving hand gestures and surprisingly enough, the men were giggling like little girls that just found out what a training bra was.
Saturday was the continuation to the whole pick up artist ordeal, and really its not that difficult. You just have to learn to take the wins with the loses. Prepare yourself for rejection and continue like nothing happened. Sounds simple enough right?
I was actually excited about watching the fight between Pac man and De la Pot and I was all for the Filipino guy... well me and Yuvs, against her family. All 20 of them. Haha that was dope, I love cheering for the underdog. We were being instigators the whole time, and when Pac won... it was a wrap. The merengue tipico was blaring through the speakers and the smell of pastelitos filled the air. Not to mention the ridiculous amount of coronas that were popped opened around the room. It felt SO GOOD to be around mi gente. Humble & happy. I was truly happy.
The night ended with a curve ball... I'm still asking WTF. But again, you take the wins with the loses. KEY.WORDS.
I read this article on ELLE about Candice Bushnell the author of Sex and the City and Lipstick Jungle, and I'm simply inspired. I'm going to give journalism and writing a shot... I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Those who think writing is not a science... well you have another thing coming.
Okay I'm off to bed, I feel like I got into a ninja fight and lost...
Fan Star
Listen to: Musiq's new Cd is dope... specially "ifuleave" with mary J.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
work it out...
So I went to the gym and since I have no ipod (shout out to whoever stole my ipod, I hope that sht freezes and can't be fixed...yes I miss my baby)... they were giving VH1 Best Hip-hop songs of all time... and guess who was number 43? my wedding song... Just had to share.
If I can find a guy that's down with this I'm set.
Okay so I had this random convo with one of my guy friends about titles and relationships, and hes like that titles are not needed and that females just want it for security "women and their damn security"--- well I'm sorry! you want all the perks and not the commitment. I swear this is why women either go psycho or lesbian. Commitment is no longer sacred. Ugh.
FanStar
If I can find a guy that's down with this I'm set.
Okay so I had this random convo with one of my guy friends about titles and relationships, and hes like that titles are not needed and that females just want it for security "women and their damn security"--- well I'm sorry! you want all the perks and not the commitment. I swear this is why women either go psycho or lesbian. Commitment is no longer sacred. Ugh.
FanStar
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
I'm a lover not a fighter...
Sex is overrated and underrated
Over the sheets or under the sheets
Sex can be good or it can be bad
Good all the time or bad just that once
Sex is exciting and nerve wrecking
Can it lead to a steady something...
or will the something lead to nothing...
Words...Words...Words... Spilling...Splashing...Clashing
Desire...want...need...intense...instinct
TOUCH
on-going...eventful...spontaneous...shaky...in sync
TOUCH
meaningful...powerful...crazy...passionate...
TOUCH
anxious...unaware...incredible
TOUCH
blissful...tease...bite...unforgettable
touch...touch...touch...
exhale... inhale...
TOUCH
FanStar
*If a man can learn to appreciate a woman as he does good sex, things would be different*
Over the sheets or under the sheets
Sex can be good or it can be bad
Good all the time or bad just that once
Sex is exciting and nerve wrecking
Can it lead to a steady something...
or will the something lead to nothing...
Words...Words...Words... Spilling...Splashing...Clashing
Desire...want...need...intense...instinct
TOUCH
on-going...eventful...spontaneous...shaky...in sync
TOUCH
meaningful...powerful...crazy...passionate...
TOUCH
anxious...unaware...incredible
TOUCH
blissful...tease...bite...unforgettable
touch...touch...touch...
exhale... inhale...
TOUCH
FanStar
*If a man can learn to appreciate a woman as he does good sex, things would be different*
Monday, December 1, 2008
Crazy child...
Going to the gym put me in the most amazing mood... there is nothing like some good cardio to get you in the right state of mind...
So I watched 13 going on 30 (chick flick alert) and it made me feel super mushy... specially the soundtrack... wouldn't it be dope if fairy tales really happened? haha a girl can dream of prince charming right? Two of my favorite songs though in the whole movie:
Billy Joe- Vienna... Oh man this just made me think to myself, Gosh I really need to stop stressing and just let my life unravel on its own. Something will happen, sooner or later.
"Dream on... but don't imagine they'll all come true"
Liz Phair- Why Can't I?... makes me think of when I was 14 and I had my first kiss in DR in front of my tias house... It was only a tap but I ran inside the house and slid down the door onto the floor perplexed and almost hyperventilating from being so excited that a guy had kissed me... yea, I'm still a dork trust me.
And since I'm sharing songs... I'm all about Rachel Yamagata right now:
Sidedish friend- I think girls are catching on to what guys have been mastering since the stone age (I'm pretty sure of this)
Be Be your love- low tones, mellow song... almost depressing but that simple piano in the back is just breath taking... and I love it when something simple takes my breath away.
Lil Wayne- comfortable... all women need to learn this... but always throw caution to the wind.
Okay! back to writing my screenplay... Look @ me becoming a starving artist...
So I watched 13 going on 30 (chick flick alert) and it made me feel super mushy... specially the soundtrack... wouldn't it be dope if fairy tales really happened? haha a girl can dream of prince charming right? Two of my favorite songs though in the whole movie:
Billy Joe- Vienna... Oh man this just made me think to myself, Gosh I really need to stop stressing and just let my life unravel on its own. Something will happen, sooner or later.
"Dream on... but don't imagine they'll all come true"
Liz Phair- Why Can't I?... makes me think of when I was 14 and I had my first kiss in DR in front of my tias house... It was only a tap but I ran inside the house and slid down the door onto the floor perplexed and almost hyperventilating from being so excited that a guy had kissed me... yea, I'm still a dork trust me.
And since I'm sharing songs... I'm all about Rachel Yamagata right now:
Sidedish friend- I think girls are catching on to what guys have been mastering since the stone age (I'm pretty sure of this)
Be Be your love- low tones, mellow song... almost depressing but that simple piano in the back is just breath taking... and I love it when something simple takes my breath away.
Lil Wayne- comfortable... all women need to learn this... but always throw caution to the wind.
Okay! back to writing my screenplay... Look @ me becoming a starving artist...
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