All roads point to... happiness

So a lot going on in my life. Which is why I had not really blogged in a couple of days. Trying to sort out this new stage that is unwrapping itself like a much needed gift.

First I want to share the news with my fellow supporters that I have gotten the most amazing opportunity ever...thus far in my young life... (drum roll)

I will be working for the NY International Latino Film Festival. I am ECSTATIC. I might as well have jumped on my bed and had a party, except I got the news at 8 am so I did the body roll happy dance in my head. For about 30 minutes. Oh the JOY!

(sigh) Sometimes you have to be persistent. And DREAM BIG.

As I have been embarking on new thought waves and spending more time with my now partner in project crime Ms. Jmo... I have also gotten the chance to be around her family more often. I always admired her family and the way they were around each other, but now that I am interacting with them regularly I feel super blessed to be around such a dope family. I've realized that a happy marriage and a welcoming home are possible. That kids that hug and love you when you get home from a long day at work does exist. And that its PERFECTLY okay to want the above. And no, it doesn't only exist in mid-western states, it also exists right here. Right now.

And so I realize that not only do I want this (when before I didn't even believe in marriage) but that I also deserve it.

So praise the above spirit that is guiding me through this journey, thank you for not letting my faith dissolve. And in case I forget to say this in the future(which I wont) THANK YOU in advance for my husband and kids. Its just what I wanted.

Happiness is a state of mind.

Maktub baby.

FanStar

Maktub

I'm learning to re-define myself. Mentally, Spiritually, Artistically & through Style.
Spending some time alone and with friends this past week has sparked a new lively-hood within me.

I'm not so scared any more.

Maktub.

MisUnderstood

How do you feel?

I've been asked this a couple of times over the last few days and my answer really depends on the moment. I'm trying to stay optimistic and find the positive in every situation.

Funny thing is I only get nervous when my instincts tell me something bad is going to happen, something like "spidy sense", but my instincts are as serene as can be.

So how am I feeling today? Sunny. With a few strong winds.

FanStar

Dominicana/Española & Afro-Latina

Afro-Latino. A term that seems to be sprouting up like the rose that grew from the concrete now more than ever.

I went to an event last night held by Columbia University that was all about being Afro-Latino in the Americas and how this affects us as adults and how it affects our children. Although the forum was focused more on how to teach this term and how to discuss this part history to students in a classroom setting, it did spark many questions and discussions when the floor was opened to the attendees.

One girl, from the teachers program @ Columbia, expressed that she couldn’t wrap her mind around the notion that Latinos can be racist. I nearly fell off my chair. It is sad, but it is true. Latinos can be racist within themselves and even within their own families. And I am sure as it was mentioned in last nights forum, that it all dates back to the ideals of what “pretty” or what “the best” was during times of colonialism.

What is more sad is that what our parents learned (if they were born in the “native land”) was taught to us in one way or the other and most of our generation continues to live in a box that doesn’t want to neither accept our African roots nor identify with it on a basic level. I understand that Afro-Latino is a loaded term that can cause an ocean of emotions to turn into a tsunami.

But it does not change the fact that we need to discuss this. I was aware of this term but have never really looked into it, until now. I think now I am ready to sit my mother down and attempt to have this conversation. Lets talk about why it is that people in Dominican Republic say “Tienes que ayudar a la raza” (you have to help better the race). Even if said in the context of a joke, I don’t find that funny. Or why is it that if you are dating someone who is black or Afro-Latino but has Anglo features, they say “ES UN(A) MORENO(A) FINO(A)” (He’s black but he has fine features). What bothers me more is that these are comments coming from people with caramel skin, button noses and wide lips.

What is the issue? Makes me upset. But at last, ignorance is a choice at this age. And I choose to learn rather than to live in this box filled with stereotypes, assumptions, and inherited hatred from the slave trade. I want to look into linguistics, hypo-descent, colonialism etc etc. I know my children will be quite colorful on the outside and I want them to be fully aware of their backgrounds.

Someone in the room said : HOW COULD YOU BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE, IF YOU’RE ASHAMED OF WHERE YOU’RE FROM.

I say the same.

The second part of the forum brought to us a performance by a group of people who had not played together in the past and they were so AMAZING. They played and explained instruments like the congas, el subidor, el buleador etc. they discussed bomba plena in Cuba vs. Puerto Rico.

At one point this woman got up and started to dance and with the shake of her hips and tick of her shoulders she told the drum what to play. It was simply AWESOMETASTIC. After their mini history lessons on the Orishas (a whole other subject I want to explore) and their wonderful songs; I felt as if my soul had been cleansed. It’s the only way to explain it. I kept imagining myself on an island at night dressed in white, hair wild and loose with fireflies lighting the way.

I love culture. Cultura. History. Herstory. OURstory.

Learning.

FanStar.

Beggers cant be choosers

So finding a job these days is like finding El Dorado (city of gold). At first I was sad and jumping on the downward spiral express train to no where, but now I find it rather humorous. Since my current ventures are up in the air and I am not sure where I'll be next, I've decided to cover all possible bases and apply to as many jobs as possible.

And so today I made a list of over 30 coffee shops in the tri-state area with addresses and phone numbers and once done called them up. Most of the individuals on the receiving line were either rude or did not speak english well AT ALL. Don't think I have anything against people with accents, after all many have told me I myself have one, but if you can't answer a phone properly then perhaps you should not be picking i t up. Just saying. Regardless the voices and responses to my simple: Are you hiring?: were quite the picker upper.

Just to put it out there, most coffee shops are not hiring (haha) I suppose people are cutting down on caffeine and rather opt for water. Hmmm...



Rude:
Cafe Grumpy --- GO FIGURE

Nice:
McNulty's Tea & Coffee
La pregunta arts cafe
Cafecito
East Harlem cafe
Joe's

Interesting enough three out of the five above are Latino owned.... Get it Migente!

Back to the drawing board!

FanStar ::Just Lovely::

Oh where the days will lead

I have this funny feeling circulating my body, a tingling sensation creeping up from the pit of my stomach to the edges of my gums.


My weekend in a nutshell:
Thai.Laughs.Catch up (not to be confused with ketchup). Piercing.Dance.Mom time.Mac. (sigh)

Notes to self:
-Continue to reconnect with friends who show they love you
-Be more spontaneous, even if it involves not being the leader
-Write down childhood stories told by mom
-Spend more time with self, because self will be the one to get you out of the darkest corners imaginable


::May the limitations of love not cast a spell on the serious ambitions of my mind:: --Jose Marti

FanStar

The world is conspiring in your favor

Did you ever run out of school to the bodega and buy a pack of pop rocks? No, I don’t mean drugs (Jeez), I mean the candy that pops in your mouth. Well, if you have you know that it’s the most exciting thing to touch your mouth (lets get the sexual innuendos out of our minds so that we can best enjoy this post please). A burst of pure uncontrollable energy.

That is what just happened to me. YES, THAT JUST HAPPENED.

I sat for a cup of coffee with the Executive Director of the International Latino Film Festival, and if I told you I didn’t think I could conquer the world after talking to her I would be lying through my keyboard. She was simply awesometastic. I was able to pick her brain and talk about the festival and the film industry, about life and all the randomness that comes a long with it and as she spoke to me I just kept thinking this lady is the clerk with the answers my mind was looking for (read previous blog). I feel as if the Macy’s 4th of July fireworks event was being held inside my body at this precise moment.

All roads point to somewhere, whether you know it right now or realize it years from now.

“The World Is Conspiring in Your Favor”---DLV

Someone asked me this week: So what’s next for you? And I had no answer. Now I do: To Live.

<3