Bursting...

Where will you work after college? any plans? ... ughh, this economy! blah blah blah. These are the questions that everyone keeps asking me... I don't know where I'll be working, what I'll be doing... I'm so confused... I'm scared! I'm wondering where I'll end up. And not just because I'm graduating, but because of the economic crisis that is happening... why now? a test of fate? a test of my actual abilities? I want to set an example for all the Latinas out there, for my cousin who just turned 17, for my 3 lil's... and this makes it so much more difficult. What should I do? this question plagues me like a sin.

I'll keep hope up and prayer for that matter.

((sigh))
Romance? Hmmm that department is funny right now, but I'm enjoying the ride. I dont know where this journey may lead me. But thats life... you never know where it will take you...

xoxo

As I Fall...into Fall.

Since my last blog I've been to LA and back, moved into school *one more semester* and have begun Fall classes... in other words a lot.

LA: Los Angeles was simply amazing. The weather was always nice, no humidity! which my curly hair appreciated. But it is so much more relaxed than NYC. I did enjoy myself as best I could, and with all the vip parties I got to go to because of MTVTres; it was much easier. I got to see a couple of famous people here and there, but I didn't get too crazy... if I plan to some day work in the media business I have to learn to compose myself from day one. I did go up to one artist, who I wont name. I bonded with Ms. Annette! who was a wonderful roomie and bugg out buddy.
The people from MTV Tres were cool to be around, over all an amazing experience.

I def want to visit LA again. One valuable lesson I learned, if people think you're someone important, they will treat you like you're someone important. It's so sad. Yet so true.

Back at school! Ahh! Everyone I know is already working and making moves, and here I am taking 5 classes... and I love all of them. But! I can't wait to get out there and work... thats assuming I get lucky and find a job. According to all my professors graduating right now is scary... well, isn't that encouraging! grr. I'll continue to be on my grind and hope my previous work and hunger to achieve attract prospective employers. With that said, I'll keep being positive and stay away from the negativity (another valuable lesson learned this summer).

So, how can you take someone serious, when they make it so easy for you to take them as a joke? hmmm... just because we get older doesn't mean we get more mature, some people stay in the h.s. mentality. Oh life.

Love me mind, body and soul!

xoxo YM

Life is too short to remain unnoticed...

So I took yet another risk, a risk that I didn't think I could go through with. All day at work I wondered how on earth I would pull something of such magnitude off, how could I put aside my pride and totally humiliate myself with just a 50 50 chance of winning. And after praying and throwing all inhibitions out of the window, I actually won. I always thought that things like these were fabricated by entertainment companies to lure people in... but that once you read the bottom line it was all lies. But here I am, sitting in my desk at work, and totally amazed I am trying to take it all in.

Yesterday, as I took the train to my destination, I saw a girl wearing a shirt that read " I love Cali," it was then that I knew I was meant to go there... like the alchemist says, it has already been written. And after I won, went to dinner and celebrated with my friend (shout out to GG for giving me some much needed moral support), I went home to tell my screaming Dominican mother (love you) that her daughter (the coolest one around) had gone on MTV Tres, Mi TRL, made a complete ass of herself in the streets of NYC as a street paddler/entertainer made 51 dollars in 45 minutes, and won (against an equal opponent who is cooler than ice) a trip to Hollywood, to the VMA's.

(------------------go ahead take that in bc I still think I'm dreaming-------)

Yes, my crazy stupid jokes/ out going personality paid off, I am going to Cali... astonishing... incredible... and I thank God and the powers that be.

As I sat in my bed and flipped through the channels unable to fully focus on anything, and wondering if I would be able to ever sleep. I came across one of my favorite movies, a movie that I truly believe in :

Serendipity:
1.an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.
2.good fortune; luck

I don't know if I'm truly lucky or if I'm good at praying, or if Karma is coming back with something good for me... but I believe that when things are written for you, there is no one that can deviate you from that... it is what it is.

To top it off, when I crossed my street this morning, the noise of a buses engine snapped be back into reality and the bus had a huge side advertisement, of what? The VMA's. lol

Live. Love. Laugh.

(learn to make an ass of yourself, it makes for a great story)

p.s. I'm not angry at men, I just like to be blunt from time to time... just like all else that has happened and will happen to me, I'll meet the right person at the right time, when I'm ready for it.

Los Que Menos Corren, Vuelan

Oh men. Oh women. Lately I can't stop myself from over hearing women's conversations everywhere I go. On the Bx13 heading to my girls house, walking to soho from work, in the colmado buying my whole wheat toast with egg whites. And all of them are discussing, bitching, arguing, venting, or bragging about a guy. I wonder if men spend half as much time as us women do discussing, analyzing, breaking and building back up the stories and issues of our many important and none important relationships. All I ever hear out of men's mouth is about the latest layup so & so did at the game, about ESPN and how that game should have gone differently, how they bought some new hot "kix", about la comida que su mami hace... POINTLESS SHT. And I almost envy those conversations. Why are we so inclined to speak about men. Are they really that needed? ha-ha... don't take offense. I'm just venting. Guys half ass it while girls (the good ones, the ones that care) put in work, to ultimately end up disappointed. And let me tell you, trying not to have expectations never works, because in the end, we always have them... they hide and we think they aren't there, but they are. BAM! there.

And then can I just vent about the men que nada mas quieren una noche de nalga. Not to sound vulgar, but that is the truth. Straight up push up on you and turn into pervs trying to cop a feel, after you have clearly said NO in Spanish and English... he who wants to hang out and then you get the hunch he wants more than just to cuddle. Fk that. Some of us Latinas (the good ones, the ones that read and know about the world beyond the end of our block) are smart enough to know better. How dare you. Has this world come to its low? No decency left. And then the ones that are "good catches" still manage, como dice mi madre, " CAGARLA" because they dont know that certain comments are inappropriate, that they are offensive... Pariguayos. I am such a calm girl, yes a bug out and a joker and someone that likes to see everyone smile, even if I just met you... but once I burst, I burst. And I am so fkin annoyed and disgusted at the way some men act. Maybe if I hung out with whores that didn't have jobs, or a college degree, that type of behavior would be acceptable (the you know, "lets be pigs" behavior) but since I dont... its just an insult. Now a days you can't get too comfortable because that BAM! comes out of no where... it always does.

Pero na', como le dije a mi manita "you have to kiss many frogs before getting to your prince... and even he, wont be perfect," True.

Dig It.

friendship

I got to spend some time with some of my closest girlfriends this weekend and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I find myself thanking God for the people he has set around me during the past year. So I wanted to say, for those of you who have a group or maybe one great friend that asks for your opinion, who cares about how your day went and shares with you the random little moments that happen in their life...who you can cry to, vent to about feeling ugly/fat/dumb/lonely, the ones you can take great trips with... he/she who will not judge you for making a mistake, or isn't afraid to laugh at your wrong pronunciations, and make a joke about your dancing in front of the mirror (haha)... say thank you! whether through the buying of flowers, or with a simple hug... yes, I'm a corny dorky geeky sweetheart on the low.

Ps. Celebrate yourself! don't wait for someone else to do it... & if you are enjoying yourself with someone (and I mean a guy or girl), E.N.J.O.Y. it; don't second doubt it ... don't criticize it... don't look for a glitch or something bad to stop making you feel happy... if its meant to end, someone up there will do it... leave it to the future, but stay in the present.



Dig it.



<3

So many thoughts...

Time:

I went to dinner with a friend of mine yesterday and I waited for an hour. I was upset, not because I was waiting, but because the lady at the restaurant kept looking at me like I was a fool getting stood up. That got me to think about time, and all the time we waste on pointless things (i.e. arguments)... but me being a female, I also thought about how much time I spend thinking about my love life (of course I spend time on other things, there are 24 hrs in a day!)... how much time is too much time? I cannot be the only person possibly thinking about this. Even those in relationships question the relationship itself... those who are married as well. Is this an ongoing never ending pointless battle? Then again, like Jose Marti said (one of my fave quotes) "And so it is of human life the goal to seek, forever seek, the kindred soul," unless of course I am misinterpreting him.

Comparisons:

So one of the topics that came up at dinner ( I actually brought it up in one of my random venting moments), the fact that Dominicans and PuertoRicans are always compared to each other, but no one ever compares either to Cubans. Are they all not Caribbeans? do they not all have similar roots. I don't want to take away from any of these cultures, as I find myself more fascinated by these little islands and the struggles of their peoples as opposed to India or China. But as a fellow Dominican, who sees the similarities and the differences, I get annoyed that Cuba gets the treatment of being "isolated" from the comparisons. I don't think is fair. I feel that all three cultures have taken pieces from each other, and maybe the reason Cuba doesn't get compared as much is because there aren't that many Cubans in NYC (that I know of)... still, let us all be a little more conscious of our comparisons and not eliminate others that can be compared. I tried to compare Uruguay to Argentina, and my friend got offended (hmmm).

Dominican Vs. Spanish:

I'm half Dominican and half Spanish... (gasp) SPANISH?! That's usually how people react to my nationality. Never do I get, (gasp) DOMINICAN!?! Who said that Spain is better than my gorgeous island? Not to take away from my history filled Spanish side, that I love dearly. But it really bothers me that my Dominican side is simply swept under the rug, treated like the mass produced items sold at Target. GRRRR!! I will never deny that my father is from Galicia, and that he speaks con la Z, or that I love eating paella and tortilla Espanola (made of papas)... but I take a lot of pride in my Dominican culture. It is rich with stories of when I was a little girl dancing by the rejas hoping one of the local neighbors would buy me candy. It has taught me to make moro de abichuelas negras con carne ensebollada (and I don't care who disagrees, but to me my mothers sazon is by far the best thing to touch a pan). It has a trail of music that makes you move your feet even if you have no rhythm... Yes Dominican Republic, my one half, is populated with loud mouths, jokers, brugal drinkers, mofongo lovers... and I am proud of all that. People see Spain as this sophisticated country of some sort, its like those that are dazzled by the glitz and "glamour" of Hollywood. Who said Beverly Hills is cooler than the Lower East Side? I guess it depends on what you perceive as better. I'll just continue loving both my nationalities... for the rest of you "hafies", hang in there, I know it gets confusing.

Journalism:

As an intern here at my summer job I get to write a lot, and although the Editor can be a tough one, I'm starting to think that maybe I could have some sort of career in writing. I told mami and she said, "well choose something that you can make money in, you know jobs are hard now," not exactly the support I was looking for (I guess shes being practical)... but where mami lacks my bff surely doesn't. I told her my idea of looking into journalism for grad school, and she said "I think your idea for grad school is great!... you need to write a book!" haha, I've always toyed with the idea of writing a book someday, and I'd think it would be amazing. I don't know who would read it, but then again those who truly love to read, read whatever they can get their fingers on. Just today I was reading my journal, which I started Dec 31, 2007. And I couldn't stop laughing, thinking, almost tearing... that's my book right there. My life, the endless roller coaster, and I'm sure there are other women that can relate. Maybe I'll publish all my journals one day (I've kept one since I was 14)...

Cant stop listening to : Buena Vista Social Club

Act your age...not your shoe size

After yet another fantabulous weekend, where I of course found random things to do (its become an art over the years) I started thinking about men and their age, and why it takes some men so many years to grow up... make a commitment and not act like fools when they have a good female by their side. I was around all sorts of guys this weekend: college grads, hicked out Dominicans, career men, hood guys, firefighters, and even a groom on his wedding date... and I got to observe the different degrees of maturity and "grown man-ness" that each group possessed. I'm not knocking being a kid at heart and always enjoying yourself in any situation; but I just think its a problem when a man refuses to grow up. When you're in your 40's and you're still being a player, and trying to be the life of the party it just becomes obnoxious. That's my personal opinion. For females its difficult to de-code guys at any age, I dont care what anyone says.

When you're 5 the boy pulls your hair and kicks you, or he makes fun of you (his way of showing he likes you), at 15 he ignores you because he doesn't know how to approach you, at 18 hes all about his boys and wants to be the player, in the 20's he wants to live it up (god forbid he takes anything serious, and if he does, he does it too late), and in his 30's... well I'm lost with this age group all together.


Maybe that's why girls get all psychotic and vicious, because they drive themselves crazy trying to figure things out... when maybe they should just let things be. Let the missing pieces of the puzzle find themselves.



I could only hope that guys stop wasting females times, unless that's the kind of female that wants you. Don't get offended if one of us denies you the exchange of numbers, some of us are tired of the chase. You want a challenge? Read Moby Dick, just don't be one. I'm just trying to be happy man.