Thursday rain...

I woke up kind of blah today...ever had one of those super blah days? where you just want to lay in bed and let your thoughts take you off somewhere...anywhere. But duty calls, and I can't go missing days from work for stupid reasons. Thankfully my good buddy Awesome* helped me stay up and we found some hot spots to hit up this summer, and most are free... now that def puts a smile on my face. Yeah they'll be packed with other nyorkers, but atleast I won't be bored behind my 4 walls. Besides doing random shyt is what allows you to open your horizons, and meet people outside of your top friends. But then again, everyone knows everyone. The world is smaller than a cell...ugh, the connections...blah

I was thinking about risks, and when do we know its ok to take them...in love, you can end up with a broken heart... in a career change you can end up in a cubicle depressed... its like gambling with life, you get a rush out of it and you know the outcome is either gonna be really good or really bad.

Anywho, I'm stuck on this song : the DEY --- I miss you

it has a dope old beat...cool group... back to work... I see the sun is coming out...

Follow your intuition...

Best thing I've done this year is follow my intuition... I don't know why it took me 21 years to realize that's the only love/financial/friendship doctor I needed. That little something inside you that tells you, "don't do it...don't you pick up the phone and call first...(or)... are those pair of shoes really necessary? must you have yet another pair of black heels?"... yeah I'm sure as hell glad I'm starting to listen to myself more often.

I don't know about you, but being surrounded by so much noise makes it hard to stop, clear your head and listen to yourself. No one knows you better than you. There are people that come close to it, a best friend, your parents, your diary...but in the end of it all, only you know yourself down to the core. And even still you only know yourself so much, because there are moments in which you do something so out of character that two minutes later you are asking yourself, wtf did I just do... I've learned from those moments as well. I'm the type of person that tends to dwell on things...beat myself up for them, like why, why... and I go over the events in my head and try to figure out a way I could change it...except who has the power to change the past? not me. For example, when i was about 13 my cousin took me to her sorority house upstate and she told me to watch my mouth because I tended to say really reckless sht... well, at some point in the house one her sorors starts screaming hysterically because she saw a cotton ball and she is petrified of them... I automatically say WOW YOU'RE FREAKING CRAZY. That earned me the worse look from my cousin. It took me a while to get over it, and to you it might seem stupid...but I looked up to my cousin so that was as if I had disappointed her. Till this day, I'll think about that once in a blue... randomly. Anyway, back to intuition.

I confessed earlier that I am scared of graduating, and although I still am, I'm trying to take each day with a grain of salt. I've been looking at schools that offer programs for continuing education(just a possibility), I'm interested in the New School (connected with Parsons) and it seems really dope... I'm also looking into maybe trying to get a grant and teach English to Spanish speaking students like Argentina... I love to travel so I'm also looking at being a flight attendant lol... I sound crazy, but those are all the ideas bouncing around in my head. I haven't given up on the dream of working for a magazine. My intuition is telling me that I should follow that feeling that drives me, and that's def writing and fashion. So I'll keep going with that. Wish me luck!

On to another topic, Wed : Relationships

Can I just say that I read in the news paper today that one fourth of nyc ppl have unprotected sex, and that they do it with multiple partners. ISN' T THAT SOMETHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT? How many one night stands have you had? how many times have you had a sexual interaction with someone and you don't even know their last name... omg, I am so disgusted. A kiss, a touch... my generation is so promiscuous... do we not care about health?? Go get tested, and people, don't get offended if your partner asks you if you have gotten tested, or if you have a condom, or how many have you had sex with... I think its only right to ask things like this in this day and age... despicable...indeed.

So, you and a guy trade numbers, who calls first? Idk the rules of the games, but if my INTUITION tells me don't call I'm not calling. Is not a matter of pride so much as a matter of not looking like you're "thirsty" for the person. Good looking men, KNOW they are good looking...that's all I gotta say for the ladies... and same goes for men. Good looking girls, know that. But like my cousin has taught me, THERE IS NO ONE OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE. I don't care how fab, amazing, fantastic, outrageously smart sassy funny talented you are... there is no one out of anyones league. Why do you see ugly ppl with a dime next to them? personality. CHARM.

Yup, charm. When you stop focusing on others, and start focusing on yourself...others take notice...

Back to work... You can lie all you want, but always keep it real with yourself. There is nothing worse than not being able to listen to your own intuition.

Lately...

Lately the idea of life after college has been hitting me hardcore. It doesn't help that my mother keeps asking me if I plan to get my masters or what career I will fall into. I guess every college student goes through that (the ones that aren't rich atleast). So one more semester to go and I get to come back into reality, because even though I've worked every summer since I was 14 years old, I am yet to pay rent or a light bill. That petrefies me. I don't mind responsibility, but not having the job with the right $ to allow me to take care of my responsibilities is making me dread the future...something I'm usually excited about. At the economic state we are at right now I dont see how a degree is any good, specially since now its almost like a h.s. diploma...what has this country come to? ugh... regardless I'm trying to be as optimistic as possible, because things can always be worse. They can ALWAYS be worse. So I'll count my blessings and go on with life, hoping that I get lucky someway somehow.

So why do good guys end last? and girls as well? and why can't I stick with the good guy and stop falling for the jerk/a-hole/player/bachelor thats wanted by other girls...why do i attract those types of dudes? Is all about conquering and leaving their mark. Like dogs do when they pee. No wonder there are so many bitter females out there, no body believes in monogomy anymore... is sickening... lol, it really is. I wonder where relationships will end years from now, since they are starting to become extinct. I say yes to adoption at this point.

So I hope my bff reads this, because I miss her dearly and the only reason I haven't called is because I don't think I did anything wrong. In my heart. So if you miss me too, lets kiss and makeup already.

Back to work... more blogging to come now that I remembered my password!