I got the news this am through facebook (go figure fb is officially bearer of all news). Mami found out at five am but didn't want to tell me. I was leaving my house for an event I'm writing a story on. I had to brush off my tears and catch the train.
I amaze myself on how strong I can be emotionally, how much I can endure without throwing it on other people around me.
I didn't run to anyone, except for John Mayer... he soothed me for the rest of my day. I wish I was in the middle of a large crowd sitting with everyone's voices drowning the one in my head out... I wish I was sitting by the beach with nothing but the waves to speak to... Anywhere but here.
My closest friends offer their comforting space and love, and yet I wish I had one strong man to just hold me, to tell me everything is going to be okay... I call that stupid woman syndrome. Out of sight, out of mind.
I wonder how I'll leave my physical form, if I'll come back or choose to stay in the spirit world. I wonder who will shed tears for me, and where they will be when they hear the news. I wonder who will miss me for a brief moment and who will miss me the rest of their life. I never question the one above, but that doesn't mean I always understand her.
First I lost love. And now I lose a piece of my family. I can't take much more losing... 2010 is one hell of a year, both great and sad.
Riding this wave...
R.I.P. Prandy Nova, Love You Cousin... <3
2 comments:
I am sorry to hear about your loss. I'm certain you've had plenty of reassuring words from your friends and family, but let me be among those to send my condolences. Also, I know a woman of your strength will (as you say) ride the wave with class and poise.
My best wishes to you and yours.
in these kind of situation is difficult for someone to say anything to make the other person feel better...but if you need someone to listen im here..<3 u..and J.M. is the best thing to get you through sometimes..
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