Domino Effect....

okay so I drank coffee and soda and like these letters my whole body was jittery today... but you know what? it did its job, I wrote that damn paper and handed it in with a big smile on my face... As much as I dreaded reading all that material on public opinion and what scholar's think about the mass public and how the media manipulates common folk... I actually learned a lot. I was mentally stimulated, how nice.

And then my professor breaks us up into groups and tells us to discuss if Obama has a mandate... if he has or will have the support of people.. anywho, this sht gets this conversation going in my group about the current economic issues that we are faced with. Now these girls in my group are middle class upper class females rockin' the most expensive stuff and here they are talking about how their parents are losing money in their 401ks (mami doesn't have that), how they can't afford to go out how they used to (I haven't been able to go out like I use to in months)...
So I'm like if these girls are fked, where does that leave me? I don't have the privileges they do... I had to work extra hard to go to school and to stay in it, and I already have to work against being a female and a Latina to land a regular job... so now its 10 times harder? I might as well walk with bricks on my back...
This is my fkin issue, and call me angry bc im just upset, where did the achievable American dream go? You have so many companies going bankrupt, losing millions in their 3quarter profits... you got cosmogirl shutting down... fkin banks needed the bailout... Gov. Paterson talking about hes going to cut major funding for things like HEOP which is how I got to go to this private institution... that is UPSETTING. So the rest of the NY state kids that come from low income places don't even have a shot at the education I'm getting... What about MY PEOPLE? FROM LOS BARRIOS? QUE SE JODAN? Anger doesn't begin to cover it.

How do I not become a statistic when thats where I'm being pushed...
I'm going to have to push back...

This is why sometimes I wish I was in simpler times, where I didn't have to be so socially and politically aware (not to say I'm one of the elites that claims to know it all)... but back in the days when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore... but some days... I sit and wish I was a kid again...

Thank goodness for me being stubborn and not giving up on the ideology that things will eventually get better, if you read up on your history this isn't the first time that the sht hits the fan... so while the cold wind blows, I'll keep myself wrapped around a warm blanket and pray... porque papa dios es grande.

por mi madre que si.

*-Fan Star-*
listen to julieta venegas... she puts me in a good mood.

Left Overs...

Itte bet, so um... Funny story...or maybe you wont find it funny bc you weren't there.
So I come home and I run to my door, because it was colder than where Sara Palin lives (gosh I miss her...) and so I run upstairs open the door to my house, and then run to my room (yes mad doors) and my door is locked (this is never so) so I get my key stick it in, and it doesn't open. Aint that some b.s.? So after 5 minutes of struggling... I run across the court to where my RA lives and knock on his door violently (again the cold was crazy)... and so he looks out his window and hes like:
who is it???
i'm like its Yari... my room is locked and my key doesn't work...
are you serious?!
No no, I'm just kidding. I love standing in the cold.
(pauses)
ok... give me umm give me a few minutes.

I run back to my house and start to make dinner. And as I'm cutting the chicken and putting some sazon on it, it hits me... GUEPA. My RA was in the middle of shagging, and I just C-blocked. Oh man... I start to panic. I hope that does not mean, that I will have some sort of bad luck. I felt horrible. I contemplated running back in the skin cracking cold and telling him to finish his business that it was ok if I couldn't get in my room for a little... But then, KNOCK KNOCK, he enters my crib... Hes like..
you kinda caught me at a busy time...
I was like: DAMN I KNEW IT! I'm so sorry. Fk my life.

Needless to say, my room was nice and warm... waiting for me, with my one pillow. So for those of you out there that ever had someone interrupt you, I want to apologize. Unless it was on purpose, then don't worry, karma will take care of it... haha

So I'm into PBS right now, no not the cartoons the actual shows they have. As I ate my honey nut oatmeal this morning I saw the guy who started Turner Broadcasting speak to Mr. Smiley about his new book "call me ted" and one of the things they discussed was the fact that we are becoming overpopulated.. and Mr. Turner said that we should have a rule of like 2 kids like they have in Asia... Idk, I am an only child and I really want at least 3 kids. That's just my opinion. Having a big family would be dope, a headache but still.

IItttttttte... Dique, back to writing this god-forsaken paper.

FanStar...

I wrote this as I sat in an empty classroom..

My current situation is a little complicated
somethings are a bit outdated
same issues and anxieties persist
just thinking about it makes me pist...
but instead of making a clenched up fist
Ill keep it moving, flowing, growing...

Im trynna grow as a person
but how can i learn a lesson
when my current situation got me stressin'
my back, the wall and all this pressin'

An economy in shambles
all i can do is just ramble...
on.. and on I go
and yes I know that doesn't flo..
but sending 20 resumes a day
and still no job for me to say...
is nyc the place to stay?

My current situation
is really worth the mention...
Im hoping that this past election
moves this country in a new direction...

Im attracting all sorts of people
complex minds, and some are simple
but i dont know what to make of it
are they here for a while or just a bit?
while my mind wonders, my heart will sit...
Somebody pass me a match, so that this dark room is finally lit.

-*MSUNDERSTOOD*-

like word vomit...

Escuelita...
What a Tuesday! crazy. No, not like I found a 20 dollar bill on the floor (that would have been awesome). More like I managed to pull off another paper, and some of it was pulled out my... because it was one of those papers where you get to the fourth page and you have no idea what else to write about... so you start to look for loose ends to tie up and hopefully after double spacing it, you might make the five page limit... sometimes I feel like this college education makes me lazy... lazy to learn... because I'm learning a whole mess of sht I don't wanna learn, that may be useful in my future or it may not (shout out to Stats, a waste of my life)... and I would like it if I was learning things that I want to learn, things like the socio-economic issues that urban cities are faced with... or cultural Diasporas... I'm sure there are minors and majors like that, and maybe this school does offer it but now is a little too late... to study it here that is...

Documentaries...
So I'm taking Documentary film and today we got to discuss the films we watched for our papers and I am so ready to go to blockbuster and rent some of these suckers... the only documentary I've ever watched was Palate Siempre Palante on the young lords movement (shout out to LSU) and that film completely moved me... I came out of the room wanting to grab some picket signs and rock a beret... man sometimes I wish I was around during the civil rights movement... this generation is not motivated at all, except of course by $$... greed... sounds like a novela. Anywho, so some docs i want to view! : Grizzly man, Jesus Camp, Bowling for columbine... lets see how that goes.

Screenwriting...
So I'm taking a screenwriting class, by far my favorite class of the semester... yet another way to express myself, and I am now starting to write the first act of my film... exciting... I am fkin psyched. When I finish the whole screenplay I'll be sure to buy a 5 dollar bottle of wine and celebrate. I don't have a title yet, but the protagonists name is Mikaela.

Conversations...
So me and my girl-friend are talking about umm sex. Its one of those topics that I recently find fun to talk about. Anywho, we are discussing why it is that men can go around talking about it and its totally fine and us women have to speak about it on the hush... like we are less of a lady if we do... Honestly, I took an aim poll (yes an aim poll) and the 10 guys that responded don't think is a bad thing if the girl initiates the whole shagging situation... My whole issue is that lets say I like a guy, like I'm really into him, and then... lol let me shut up I think I've said too much.

So no matter how old I get, having someone new to talk to still gets me all bubbly... super fruit cake of me... but hey I'm human. Let me rock. Getting that phone call puts me in a good mood. I dont think others realize how easy it is to put a smile on my face. But to those that do, thank you.

p.s. Winter is here! I want to have a snowball fight, kiss under the snow, make a snow angel, make a snow man, dress in white snow, watch snow white...see a theme?

Loving.Living.Laughing.

Rewind...

I def just read all the 20 blogs I have posted since January, and dios mio... Que bueno que los lei. Porque ahora me siento como que tengo que coger el boton de rewind y tu sabes, PUSH IT. Para poder recordarme de toda las locuras que me pasaron el ano anterior... Ultimamente I've been on this rut, on this depressing thing on and off and on and off, inner battles... como un juego de mortal combat, me entiendes? Y este, I just dont like it. Haci poof! no me gusta estar deprimida. Y entonces, el primer blog that I wrote I spoke about how only I can make me happy. Not anything or anyone else... y la verdad es that I needed that self smack in the face... so I can start being thankful, and happy... bc aunque no tenga chavos, y este soltera (mami dice ponte las pilas, o te me quedas jamona... I say fuk it, good thing I have books to read that will last me until the next lifetime) and I am not muy feliz con mi peso (that i blame on being a female) and ummm tengo pique con este maldito economic issue that we are faced with, and me molesta que even though ill have a Bachelors that doesn't gurantee me a career of MY CHOICE where I will be happy when I wake up... no espera, a career that will help ME help the ONE and only person en este mundo que mira, no matter what i do... I'm still perfect in her eyes... and even if I only have ONE PILLOW ( its this joke ppl seem to have since I only own a single lonely skinny uncomfortable pillow)... I am still going to levanterme manana, open up these ugly brown curtains that my school provided for me (oh thank you, 34 gs of tuition) and say... Dios, Grande... si eres mujer, or a man... Thank you. Because I am alive, and as long as I am breathing... I can motivate myself... and trust me, even if i have to drag myself through my pearly white teeth... I will make something of myself... Por mi madre, que si.

Reflecting is a beautiful thing.

Growing up....or out of it...

So I am trying to enjoy my last semester as best I can, and of course one of those things is to road trip and meet as many new ppl as possible... thankfully that is easy through my sorority because like the Fashion world, in the Greek world everyone seems to know each other. I was thinking about how being greek has influenced my life so much over the past 3 years, and amazingly enough it has had a huge impact. Some good some bad... many lessons were learned, and for every experience I am thankful... Greeks know how to party and although I love to dance I have been out of the greek party scene for a while, until of course this semester... Beginning in September I went to show face at a local party and I was shocked at the way some females in sororities behave. Me and my sisters got pushed off the stroll line, and man was I upset... the ghetto NYC girl that got bullied around as a child wanted to come out and pull some hair... but I composed myself and kept it moving. However, I don't forget things... and people seem to forget that you never know when you might be needing the help of someone you never expected to need it from. So for you sorority girls out there that get really tough when you have 15 of your sisters with you, remember we are in reputable organizations; not gangs... stop the pushing and shoving... this is not the backstage room of a fashion show... vicious. Now, this semester has been full of twist and turns and a lot of flash backs from when I first joined the greek society... people that I briefly met are all of a sudden part of my life, people that I would have never given a second look at...ah it goes to show once again that life is just funny like that...

I'm one of those people that likes to reflect a lot, and so when someone from the past jumps into my life, I can't help but wonder... who would have told you that years later you would have been so on and so on....

So yeah, just like I'm ready to graduate and get this degree... I'm ready to move past being an undergrad greek... a little less drama, and stress. 2009 I welcome you with open arms. Fan Star

Bursting...

Where will you work after college? any plans? ... ughh, this economy! blah blah blah. These are the questions that everyone keeps asking me... I don't know where I'll be working, what I'll be doing... I'm so confused... I'm scared! I'm wondering where I'll end up. And not just because I'm graduating, but because of the economic crisis that is happening... why now? a test of fate? a test of my actual abilities? I want to set an example for all the Latinas out there, for my cousin who just turned 17, for my 3 lil's... and this makes it so much more difficult. What should I do? this question plagues me like a sin.

I'll keep hope up and prayer for that matter.

((sigh))
Romance? Hmmm that department is funny right now, but I'm enjoying the ride. I dont know where this journey may lead me. But thats life... you never know where it will take you...

xoxo

As I Fall...into Fall.

Since my last blog I've been to LA and back, moved into school *one more semester* and have begun Fall classes... in other words a lot.

LA: Los Angeles was simply amazing. The weather was always nice, no humidity! which my curly hair appreciated. But it is so much more relaxed than NYC. I did enjoy myself as best I could, and with all the vip parties I got to go to because of MTVTres; it was much easier. I got to see a couple of famous people here and there, but I didn't get too crazy... if I plan to some day work in the media business I have to learn to compose myself from day one. I did go up to one artist, who I wont name. I bonded with Ms. Annette! who was a wonderful roomie and bugg out buddy.
The people from MTV Tres were cool to be around, over all an amazing experience.

I def want to visit LA again. One valuable lesson I learned, if people think you're someone important, they will treat you like you're someone important. It's so sad. Yet so true.

Back at school! Ahh! Everyone I know is already working and making moves, and here I am taking 5 classes... and I love all of them. But! I can't wait to get out there and work... thats assuming I get lucky and find a job. According to all my professors graduating right now is scary... well, isn't that encouraging! grr. I'll continue to be on my grind and hope my previous work and hunger to achieve attract prospective employers. With that said, I'll keep being positive and stay away from the negativity (another valuable lesson learned this summer).

So, how can you take someone serious, when they make it so easy for you to take them as a joke? hmmm... just because we get older doesn't mean we get more mature, some people stay in the h.s. mentality. Oh life.

Love me mind, body and soul!

xoxo YM