Waiting to Exhale

I'm going to pick up a copy of this novel, something keeps calling me to it... maybe it's the fact that they announced a sequel to the movie, or maybe it's because the title resonates with me so much...

Living in a new place comes with a lot of ups and downs. This move has affected me emotionally and mentally. I have days where I feel so happy I made this move, and others that make me wonder just exactly what was I thinking... but that's part of every major choice we make in life.

College, careers, love...

Everyday I wake up and I pray, and I pray every night too. Everyday I think of what I want out of life, and how I can maintain my happy healthy state of mind, body and soul.

I think that is the most important lesson I'm learning out here in LA, that maintaining that happy state is important. Whether it's at work, in your home, when you're sharing yourself with someone or simply when you're by yourself.

After all, there is only one of you and you have to deal with you for the rest of your life.

XO

Learning everyday

Today marks 5 years of being part of my sorority. I can't believe its been 5 years. I remember when I began my process, when I got my gear, the days I went above ground and was in Washington Heights giving greetings as people passed by and wondered what the fk was going on... and most of all I remember crossing and how amazing it felt to know I had accomplished something that many try and don't finish.

The truth is pledging taught me a lot, how to deal with difficult people, the meaning of solidarity, conditioning and discipline... I learned so much during those months, and I wouldn't change it for anything. It molded me in so many wonderful ways.

For that I'm thankful.

Happy 5 years to all my line sisters who earned their letters on this beautiful day!

I made it to a Month!

I can't believe its been a month since I've moved to LA! I am impressed with myself.

What can I say about LA? I live in Hollywood, so I live in what would be midtown in NYC. The main things are easily accessible to me through a walk or the metro-- don't get crazy and think its like the MTA. The trains here come every 10 minutes and don't take you to every corner of the land. However, I must say that the characters on the train out here are very entertaining. I've seen some crazy/funny things on my way to work... and have also heard some funny stories. Like a guy coming up to my co-worker, standing in front of her face and belting out "Imma buy you a drank" by T-pain. Could you imagine? She said it much funnier than this, so I am not giving it much justice.

I've seen the "I'm so Hollywood" people who have no reason to think so highly of themselves but do, and I have also had the chance to meet the sweet down to earth types who are just enjoying the sunny days. Being from NYC def helps me see right through the facade people wear like costumes out here... every day... But it's cool, to each their own right?

Work has been challenging but wonderful. I am learning so much more than I thought I would. It's nice to know I can bring much more to the table in my career for the future...goals, goals, goals...

My favorite part of this move (aside from a walk in closet) has been bonding with my roomie Nicole. At the moment we don't have a TV or Internet (reason why I have not blogged) and it has "forced" us to talk. HAHA. Not to say we are anti-social to each other, but more that we have used that to get to know each other better. I feel blessed to have someone who is as chill (funny, crazy and goofy) as I am with a good heart for a roomie... Because this could have easily gone down hill super fast.

Cali guys have 0 swag haha, well so far! Sorry Cali! We'll see though, I just started to explore... so stay tuned because I'm sure I'll have some funny stories to share.

To all those who show me love and send their support, thank you. It doesn't go unnoticed.

I encourage everyone to Dream Big, taking risks are not easy but they at least allow you to grow as a person... and growing is the most important part of life.

<3>

Welcome to the Land where sht gets interesting

It has been an interesting past three days in Los Angeles... I have experienced two extremes, and I am ready to stick to one... To put it in NYC terms I went from hanging in Soho to hanging in the projects in red hook... Bad. BUT! Funny! You always have to laugh at the things that come your way.

I am enjoying LA thus far, but I can't say I am in love with just 24 hours... I don't believe in love at first sight (shocker). The weather is def gorgeous, and as a person who has never worn shades (other than for fun)-- I will be buying a pair rather soon.

I already felt culture shock at its finest but I am embracing it... Cali has its own vibe and swag going on and I'm ready to consume it... without losing sight of my NYC'ness...

People are extremely nice, I've had random conversations with a bunch of individuals and none tried to get money from me nor were they trying to get my number... And some were white... lol Yea, I was a little shocked. No offense to my white people out there. Just never experienced that in midtown on a Thursday at 3 pm.

I am excited for the weekend, the Grammy's are here and I hope I get to sneak into a party! hehe. Just a fly on the wall...

Stay tuned much more to come...

<3>

dang

sometimes forgetting is a lot harder than I think.

City of Angels

2011 has officially started for me on the right foot. After an interesting 2010 with so many ups and downs and surprises I was blessed with an amazing opportunity right as 2010 was saying bye to all of us. New decade for the world means new chapter in my book.

I am very excited to announce my move from NYC, city of hustlers money makers and all that jazz, to LA-- where the temperature is sweet and one out of every six people is in a creative field... I see me growing artistically in endless ways.

A part of me is sad to pick up and have to "leave" my mom, family and friends... my dolls who make me want to be a better woman every day, my lower east side where I can walk for hours and be happy, my uptown where I am reminded why being part Dominican is awesome... But, when opportunity knocks you have to be ready and willing to open that door as fast as you can. One of my favorite quotes is by Salvador Dali and it reads "Life is too short to remain unnoticed," and these are words I live by.

I would be stealing myself from something great because of fear... and fear is simply not enough of a reason for me to do so...

So! Soon this East coast dope girl is going to make her mark out on the West side. Let's see if Katy Perry had it right (ironically enough I dressed up as her for Halloween).

Hello San Francisco, Malibu, three hour drive to Vegas, 1,000 musical, theater, dance, and performing groups, The LA Times, and of course Lakers. I'm ready. I'll be sure to document my experiences as I ride this wave.

XO

FanStar

Ah to Be Enlighten...

I've had an issue since I started dating, which was at the age of 14. That means 10 years of carrying this issue around. Although I was aware of this issue on a basic level, it wasn't until today after it was broken down to me by one of my dearest friends and confidants that I realized that this issue happens to also be my reason for the many unsuccessful relationships under my belt. I my friends, am guilty of: being in love with the idea of love & relationships.

This ideal has led me to lack a very important part of dating, that is the act of screening men properly... this is my aha! moment. I didn't even know what a screening process was until 20 minutes ago when I had to ask what was I doing wrong to attract these type of guys (these guys being the non-successful ones), after all the common factor is me. And although I am very aware of how awesome I am (not perfect, just awesome) there was still a missing piece-- or rather a VERY BIG one.

The screening process, if you're like me and didn't know what it was, is when you actually take your time to get to know someone past the superficial sht, the he opens my door pays for dinner and sent me flowers to work stuff... Yes, as my counselor (love u) said: thats nice and all but what about the other stuff? Aha! again.

See the other stuff, like he has mom issues, he gets angry quickly, he is jealous, he has children, he has a drinking problem, he is a chauvinistic pig who doesn't want me anywhere but the kitchen, his age ... yes, those factors. Those VERY BIG factors, that I have noticed from the BEGINNING and force myself to ignore because of my "ideal" have bitten me in the ass in the short run.

A good guy friend once told me: Fanny, when someone shows you who they are-- believe them. Plain and simple. Yes no one is perfect, and yes you have to know where to compromise... but no, you should not cast aside deal breakers. Learn from me, it is bad for business.

My past two boyfriends (three years in between each other) were emotionally draining. But one BIG comparison is that both were official (you're my boyfriend and I'm your girlfriend) after only one month. Yes, life has no time lines and everyone works differently, but no jumping into an official relationship with someone was not a healthy move. See, my "ideal" and I (which is partly rooted in the fact that my awesome mom is single and I'm quite scared of ending up alone-- bare with me here this is a breakthrough) have led me to create a pattern for myself which allows me to do the following: when I meet a guy I am immediately interested in and find beyond amazing I turn into "Fanny that wants a long lasting awesomely healthy and fun relationship" and put "Fanny who would quickly tell her best friend that her boy is psycho because of ABandC" behind a closed door, even if she is banging as loud as she can.

The truth is I focus so much on the positive that I overlook the obvious red flags. I have compromised myself many a times in numerous pseudo relationships, giving so much of myself so quickly that when I finally allow myself to recognize he wasn't a good match out loud I am utterly disappointed. It's like walking into the same diner every time knowing in the back of your head that they don't serve the food you like.

The good news is, that I have grown so much this year emotionally and spiritually that I not only recognize the red flags but I am also acknowledging them from the beginning. And today was probably the biggest moment of enlightenment for me.

From this moment forward I pledge to myself to have a screening process and to be conscious that although love and a relationship will be great, they are not fairy tales. They take time... way more than a few weeks.

Like she said: are you so quick to be best friends with females you meet? (my response was a shy no), then why do it with the men you date?

Aha... and all of a sudden the room is lit.

I hope this helps someone out there as it helped me...

MisUnderstood

Every night I pray for many things, and for myself I always ask for guidance. I am blessed to see that the one above has placed some amazingly honest womyn in my life that provide enough illumination as I continue to create my own.