like word vomit...

Escuelita...
What a Tuesday! crazy. No, not like I found a 20 dollar bill on the floor (that would have been awesome). More like I managed to pull off another paper, and some of it was pulled out my... because it was one of those papers where you get to the fourth page and you have no idea what else to write about... so you start to look for loose ends to tie up and hopefully after double spacing it, you might make the five page limit... sometimes I feel like this college education makes me lazy... lazy to learn... because I'm learning a whole mess of sht I don't wanna learn, that may be useful in my future or it may not (shout out to Stats, a waste of my life)... and I would like it if I was learning things that I want to learn, things like the socio-economic issues that urban cities are faced with... or cultural Diasporas... I'm sure there are minors and majors like that, and maybe this school does offer it but now is a little too late... to study it here that is...

Documentaries...
So I'm taking Documentary film and today we got to discuss the films we watched for our papers and I am so ready to go to blockbuster and rent some of these suckers... the only documentary I've ever watched was Palate Siempre Palante on the young lords movement (shout out to LSU) and that film completely moved me... I came out of the room wanting to grab some picket signs and rock a beret... man sometimes I wish I was around during the civil rights movement... this generation is not motivated at all, except of course by $$... greed... sounds like a novela. Anywho, so some docs i want to view! : Grizzly man, Jesus Camp, Bowling for columbine... lets see how that goes.

Screenwriting...
So I'm taking a screenwriting class, by far my favorite class of the semester... yet another way to express myself, and I am now starting to write the first act of my film... exciting... I am fkin psyched. When I finish the whole screenplay I'll be sure to buy a 5 dollar bottle of wine and celebrate. I don't have a title yet, but the protagonists name is Mikaela.

Conversations...
So me and my girl-friend are talking about umm sex. Its one of those topics that I recently find fun to talk about. Anywho, we are discussing why it is that men can go around talking about it and its totally fine and us women have to speak about it on the hush... like we are less of a lady if we do... Honestly, I took an aim poll (yes an aim poll) and the 10 guys that responded don't think is a bad thing if the girl initiates the whole shagging situation... My whole issue is that lets say I like a guy, like I'm really into him, and then... lol let me shut up I think I've said too much.

So no matter how old I get, having someone new to talk to still gets me all bubbly... super fruit cake of me... but hey I'm human. Let me rock. Getting that phone call puts me in a good mood. I dont think others realize how easy it is to put a smile on my face. But to those that do, thank you.

p.s. Winter is here! I want to have a snowball fight, kiss under the snow, make a snow angel, make a snow man, dress in white snow, watch snow white...see a theme?

Loving.Living.Laughing.

Rewind...

I def just read all the 20 blogs I have posted since January, and dios mio... Que bueno que los lei. Porque ahora me siento como que tengo que coger el boton de rewind y tu sabes, PUSH IT. Para poder recordarme de toda las locuras que me pasaron el ano anterior... Ultimamente I've been on this rut, on this depressing thing on and off and on and off, inner battles... como un juego de mortal combat, me entiendes? Y este, I just dont like it. Haci poof! no me gusta estar deprimida. Y entonces, el primer blog that I wrote I spoke about how only I can make me happy. Not anything or anyone else... y la verdad es that I needed that self smack in the face... so I can start being thankful, and happy... bc aunque no tenga chavos, y este soltera (mami dice ponte las pilas, o te me quedas jamona... I say fuk it, good thing I have books to read that will last me until the next lifetime) and I am not muy feliz con mi peso (that i blame on being a female) and ummm tengo pique con este maldito economic issue that we are faced with, and me molesta que even though ill have a Bachelors that doesn't gurantee me a career of MY CHOICE where I will be happy when I wake up... no espera, a career that will help ME help the ONE and only person en este mundo que mira, no matter what i do... I'm still perfect in her eyes... and even if I only have ONE PILLOW ( its this joke ppl seem to have since I only own a single lonely skinny uncomfortable pillow)... I am still going to levanterme manana, open up these ugly brown curtains that my school provided for me (oh thank you, 34 gs of tuition) and say... Dios, Grande... si eres mujer, or a man... Thank you. Because I am alive, and as long as I am breathing... I can motivate myself... and trust me, even if i have to drag myself through my pearly white teeth... I will make something of myself... Por mi madre, que si.

Reflecting is a beautiful thing.

Growing up....or out of it...

So I am trying to enjoy my last semester as best I can, and of course one of those things is to road trip and meet as many new ppl as possible... thankfully that is easy through my sorority because like the Fashion world, in the Greek world everyone seems to know each other. I was thinking about how being greek has influenced my life so much over the past 3 years, and amazingly enough it has had a huge impact. Some good some bad... many lessons were learned, and for every experience I am thankful... Greeks know how to party and although I love to dance I have been out of the greek party scene for a while, until of course this semester... Beginning in September I went to show face at a local party and I was shocked at the way some females in sororities behave. Me and my sisters got pushed off the stroll line, and man was I upset... the ghetto NYC girl that got bullied around as a child wanted to come out and pull some hair... but I composed myself and kept it moving. However, I don't forget things... and people seem to forget that you never know when you might be needing the help of someone you never expected to need it from. So for you sorority girls out there that get really tough when you have 15 of your sisters with you, remember we are in reputable organizations; not gangs... stop the pushing and shoving... this is not the backstage room of a fashion show... vicious. Now, this semester has been full of twist and turns and a lot of flash backs from when I first joined the greek society... people that I briefly met are all of a sudden part of my life, people that I would have never given a second look at...ah it goes to show once again that life is just funny like that...

I'm one of those people that likes to reflect a lot, and so when someone from the past jumps into my life, I can't help but wonder... who would have told you that years later you would have been so on and so on....

So yeah, just like I'm ready to graduate and get this degree... I'm ready to move past being an undergrad greek... a little less drama, and stress. 2009 I welcome you with open arms. Fan Star

Bursting...

Where will you work after college? any plans? ... ughh, this economy! blah blah blah. These are the questions that everyone keeps asking me... I don't know where I'll be working, what I'll be doing... I'm so confused... I'm scared! I'm wondering where I'll end up. And not just because I'm graduating, but because of the economic crisis that is happening... why now? a test of fate? a test of my actual abilities? I want to set an example for all the Latinas out there, for my cousin who just turned 17, for my 3 lil's... and this makes it so much more difficult. What should I do? this question plagues me like a sin.

I'll keep hope up and prayer for that matter.

((sigh))
Romance? Hmmm that department is funny right now, but I'm enjoying the ride. I dont know where this journey may lead me. But thats life... you never know where it will take you...

xoxo

As I Fall...into Fall.

Since my last blog I've been to LA and back, moved into school *one more semester* and have begun Fall classes... in other words a lot.

LA: Los Angeles was simply amazing. The weather was always nice, no humidity! which my curly hair appreciated. But it is so much more relaxed than NYC. I did enjoy myself as best I could, and with all the vip parties I got to go to because of MTVTres; it was much easier. I got to see a couple of famous people here and there, but I didn't get too crazy... if I plan to some day work in the media business I have to learn to compose myself from day one. I did go up to one artist, who I wont name. I bonded with Ms. Annette! who was a wonderful roomie and bugg out buddy.
The people from MTV Tres were cool to be around, over all an amazing experience.

I def want to visit LA again. One valuable lesson I learned, if people think you're someone important, they will treat you like you're someone important. It's so sad. Yet so true.

Back at school! Ahh! Everyone I know is already working and making moves, and here I am taking 5 classes... and I love all of them. But! I can't wait to get out there and work... thats assuming I get lucky and find a job. According to all my professors graduating right now is scary... well, isn't that encouraging! grr. I'll continue to be on my grind and hope my previous work and hunger to achieve attract prospective employers. With that said, I'll keep being positive and stay away from the negativity (another valuable lesson learned this summer).

So, how can you take someone serious, when they make it so easy for you to take them as a joke? hmmm... just because we get older doesn't mean we get more mature, some people stay in the h.s. mentality. Oh life.

Love me mind, body and soul!

xoxo YM

Life is too short to remain unnoticed...

So I took yet another risk, a risk that I didn't think I could go through with. All day at work I wondered how on earth I would pull something of such magnitude off, how could I put aside my pride and totally humiliate myself with just a 50 50 chance of winning. And after praying and throwing all inhibitions out of the window, I actually won. I always thought that things like these were fabricated by entertainment companies to lure people in... but that once you read the bottom line it was all lies. But here I am, sitting in my desk at work, and totally amazed I am trying to take it all in.

Yesterday, as I took the train to my destination, I saw a girl wearing a shirt that read " I love Cali," it was then that I knew I was meant to go there... like the alchemist says, it has already been written. And after I won, went to dinner and celebrated with my friend (shout out to GG for giving me some much needed moral support), I went home to tell my screaming Dominican mother (love you) that her daughter (the coolest one around) had gone on MTV Tres, Mi TRL, made a complete ass of herself in the streets of NYC as a street paddler/entertainer made 51 dollars in 45 minutes, and won (against an equal opponent who is cooler than ice) a trip to Hollywood, to the VMA's.

(------------------go ahead take that in bc I still think I'm dreaming-------)

Yes, my crazy stupid jokes/ out going personality paid off, I am going to Cali... astonishing... incredible... and I thank God and the powers that be.

As I sat in my bed and flipped through the channels unable to fully focus on anything, and wondering if I would be able to ever sleep. I came across one of my favorite movies, a movie that I truly believe in :

Serendipity:
1.an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.
2.good fortune; luck

I don't know if I'm truly lucky or if I'm good at praying, or if Karma is coming back with something good for me... but I believe that when things are written for you, there is no one that can deviate you from that... it is what it is.

To top it off, when I crossed my street this morning, the noise of a buses engine snapped be back into reality and the bus had a huge side advertisement, of what? The VMA's. lol

Live. Love. Laugh.

(learn to make an ass of yourself, it makes for a great story)

p.s. I'm not angry at men, I just like to be blunt from time to time... just like all else that has happened and will happen to me, I'll meet the right person at the right time, when I'm ready for it.

Los Que Menos Corren, Vuelan

Oh men. Oh women. Lately I can't stop myself from over hearing women's conversations everywhere I go. On the Bx13 heading to my girls house, walking to soho from work, in the colmado buying my whole wheat toast with egg whites. And all of them are discussing, bitching, arguing, venting, or bragging about a guy. I wonder if men spend half as much time as us women do discussing, analyzing, breaking and building back up the stories and issues of our many important and none important relationships. All I ever hear out of men's mouth is about the latest layup so & so did at the game, about ESPN and how that game should have gone differently, how they bought some new hot "kix", about la comida que su mami hace... POINTLESS SHT. And I almost envy those conversations. Why are we so inclined to speak about men. Are they really that needed? ha-ha... don't take offense. I'm just venting. Guys half ass it while girls (the good ones, the ones that care) put in work, to ultimately end up disappointed. And let me tell you, trying not to have expectations never works, because in the end, we always have them... they hide and we think they aren't there, but they are. BAM! there.

And then can I just vent about the men que nada mas quieren una noche de nalga. Not to sound vulgar, but that is the truth. Straight up push up on you and turn into pervs trying to cop a feel, after you have clearly said NO in Spanish and English... he who wants to hang out and then you get the hunch he wants more than just to cuddle. Fk that. Some of us Latinas (the good ones, the ones that read and know about the world beyond the end of our block) are smart enough to know better. How dare you. Has this world come to its low? No decency left. And then the ones that are "good catches" still manage, como dice mi madre, " CAGARLA" because they dont know that certain comments are inappropriate, that they are offensive... Pariguayos. I am such a calm girl, yes a bug out and a joker and someone that likes to see everyone smile, even if I just met you... but once I burst, I burst. And I am so fkin annoyed and disgusted at the way some men act. Maybe if I hung out with whores that didn't have jobs, or a college degree, that type of behavior would be acceptable (the you know, "lets be pigs" behavior) but since I dont... its just an insult. Now a days you can't get too comfortable because that BAM! comes out of no where... it always does.

Pero na', como le dije a mi manita "you have to kiss many frogs before getting to your prince... and even he, wont be perfect," True.

Dig It.