To share or not to share...

So much to share and not enough energy to write it all down... wish my thoughts could just pour out of my mind onto the pages of my journal and the rest onto this blog... bare with me.

Costa Rica was absolutely amazing... the country is gorgeous and the people are sweet... I have no complaints on that. The time I spent with 8 amazing females was memorable to say the least, we managed to grow closer, to break the idea that females can't go for more than two days without biting each others heads off... no arguments, no bad energy, straight up laughter--jokes---hugs--dancing--drinking--smiles... many many smiles. We met a group of individuals who made the vacation even better, the chemistry was great and for their presence I am thankful... except for the scum bag. I'll leave it at that, those who don't believe I'll write a book--- well maybe you'll pick up a copy just so you can read this chapter. This trip was more than just fun and games, it made me think of how much I have grown since last summer... in 08 I would still refer to myself as a girl and now I am def a woman... maybe still young and with much to learn, but from the CR experience I can say I am wiser than I gave myself credit for... 

I was questioning why I can be such a jaded person, and then sht happens where my jaded-ness is solidified with concrete reasons... 

I walked all over soho today, and for the first time since I was 17 *when I first started to shop there* I actually got lost! I loved every second of it, there is a small park I never noticed which I plan to go back to and eat my lunch... watching people ride their bicycle made me jealous lol I wish I had one... as I sat and waited for my table to be ready @ Cafe Havana (my fav restaurant of ALL TIME) I stared at the gorgeous baby blue sky (YES IM THE HUGEST DORK) and I couldn't help but get nostalgic, idk if its soho or the summer breeze or the thought of eating dinner alone that made me get chocked up inside --- all I wanted was a pen and paper... I could have written so much, right there on Elizabeth St.

<3>

Fan-Star----

Anticipation

I am so excited to go to Costa Rica! (runs around), I need this vacation! I'll leave it at that... just look out for the blog when I return, I'm sure I'll have one good story to share with you all!

Sound Bites:

Just the thought, the possibility that I can fall in love with someone makes me super excited!

Thats what I told my homegirl today... I am super jaded but underneath it all I am the helpless romantic... which probably means it will take me twice as long as anyone else to feel that feeling... But I have a lot of patience so its a-ok! I realized that as relaxed as I am I can't be on that ni**a mentality, I can't handle the aftermath too well... a work in progress.

I have to give a special shout out to two guys who really taught me that you can learn from assholes. I can't help but reference them when I begin to wonder why or how on earth I became such a nonchalant w.e. type of girl when it comes to guys. I'm not gonna sit here and say that I don't freak out behind close doors bc I am human, and a woman, but I def. dont worry about phone calls, about impressing a good looking guy, or about getting an answer from someone. I'm learning to master the motions at this stage in my life. Weather thats a good thing or not I'm yet to find out. But until someone comes a long and shows me that I should think differently... I'll be the tall girl with curly hair, freckles and 4 dimples sitting by the beach tanning, sippin' on my drink... ya'dig.

Sizzling 09! Listen to Ginuwine feat. Brandy---- Bridge to Love (my new jam)
He drops a new album June 23rd, I might just buy it bc I love him that much... yum

What's poppin tonight?!

Thats the text I got from a friend... I'm like, its Thursday... and he shot back by saying "and? you start working and you become a home body?"... I must put up a good show if people think I am ALWAYS out and about... I actually enjoy being in my bed comfy (will enjoy it more once I move out)... but still, that caught me off guard... I'm not a big fan of going out on weekdays because I get to work and all I wanna do is WAAA.

Anywho, I must vent, and not to put someone on blast but I must vent...must...vent... The person who told me I wasn't diddy and therefor had no right in not returning the calls and text decides to contact me again this past weekend to start yet another argument stating that all he did was demand a phone call ( I didnt entertain the conversation after this, someone who demands from anyone is just crazy--- seriously?) anywho... the person shows up at my job today. yes. I was freaking out. I'm sorry, but under the circumstances why... let me just leave it that. Guys, please don't do this. Even if you mean well the girl is not gonna think this is sane... just add an in at the front.

I didn't get out of work until late, and then the train ride was even better.
I sit... oh joy. And 10 secs later the Mexican man next to me who wreaked of alcohol starts to fall asleep on me... for the next 15 mins the lady who was on his other side and myself went back and forth elbowing him...he wouldn't wake up. AT ALL. Everyone in the car who could see was laughing. Thankfully I moved to another seat across from Sleepy and when the wagon jerked forward he flew to the seat, that would have been my lap... (shudders) ah.
The little girl in front of me got a kick out of the whole scene, so I couldn't help but laugh.

After a long, random, crazy and uncomfortable day at work some laughter was much appreciated.

I'm glad tomorrow is Friday and I'm looking forward to this weekend.

Yea..that just happened.

FanStar

I...

Feel like crap. Wish I had a bed. In a room. With nothing but Lauryn Hill & Maxwell playing in the background. I'm not depressed. I'm not sad... there goes that abnormal thing again.

Sometimes stepping out of character is exactly what you need to step back into it.

Phase 2 of the Road to Self Discovery.

Validation...

I love my organization. We have always been the underdogs, and finally this year has been our year, now people see us as a threat... not that this is what I want, because my org has always been made up of sweet nice down to earth ladies (except for DT which can bring out the other side, but only when needed). Not only did we win Org of the year out of all NALFO orgs & Philanthropic Org of the year, but we also won the National Stroll Competition. I am ticked off to say that they called it a tie even though we had more points and talent OVER ALL (the madness), but I'm sure that this will be fixed and plus everyone who had a left brain and one working eye even if squinting knows that my team was the best. (crowd goes wild)

The party after (which I didn't think we would stay for bc we never do) was actually FUN. I was mainly with Dream Team and my fellow Sorors not to mention the Ape Squad (shout out to APhiA) & our wonderful Mangu members (ui ui ui ui). I danced so much it looked like i fell in a puddle of water (add salt and you got yourself sweat)... I enjoyed every second of strolling, being cocky haha, and straight up soaking in on the glory. Sometimes you just deserve it, no extra exaggeration added.

The rest of the evening was spent with the Ape Squad at a diner discussing many reckless topics, including a telephone game that didn't end too appropriately hehe. I enjoyed my weekend and my sisters, and my new friends... God is good, yes he is.

On another topic, Summer flings. How much spice do they actually add to a summer, and if one party catches feelings and wants to further things but the other party doesn't, how does the one with feelings deal with the situation at hand?.... hmmm, gives you something to think about. At this point, I'm not even willing to risk my emotions no more. Niggas will be Niggas, and according to the ones I've met recently I'm abnormal bc I don't act like the typical girl... sometimes you have to step out of a box and watch yourself through other ppls issues/heart aches to learn that being "abnormally unlike the other females" is a pretty damn good compliment.

Esperando y respirando...

EEIIAA to my girls, S.U.E.I.

Fan-Star

hellur...

I live a crazy life! sometimes at least...

Urban Latino After Work event was great, of course Lari and I were the only ones dancing (but I bet they wont forget us)... good looking fellas, always love the eye candy... hmmm (ponders).

So Saturday is the Stroll show and I'm gonna step up my cocky game (c'mon just for one day it wont hurt), I feel the "insoportable" coming out... (ponders again)...

And my horoscope isn't helping the cause:
On Saturday, loveplanet Venus grooves into Taurus giving you nearly a month to be the cosmic It Girl. Your powers of attraction are magnified by the thousands, especially since Mars is also kicking back in your sign.

Lets see if I attract someone who can run as free and wild with me... Picnic anyone?...

<3>

why

why do people see other people with expiration dates? ... if he/she doesn't work out, there is plenty more...
where is plenty more? ... you need to go here, there, every where...

why only when its convenient for you?
why do we get hooked on this but not on that..right, stuff that is?
Why do i write so much gibberish?
why is it easier to fall asleep when you have someone next to you than when you're alone?
why does that feeling exist?
why are you reading this?
why can't I forget the smell of Spain when I arrived at the airport 5 years ago and saw my dad?
why is it that the proximity of your skin against me raises the hairs on my back and makes me twitch before you put your lips on mine?
why do i have to try, but you dont?
why can't I fast forward through all the b.s. and stop at all the happy moments?
why did i meet him... and i'm yet to meet you?
why can't you get my sarcasm?
why do I have so many questions on my mind... with no one to answer?
why...not.

<3

Me and Lari walked 130 blocks on Sunday. No not on a pilgrimage, just because. We actually saw many things you would normally miss on the train. Not to mention the random hellos to the magazine stand habibi, the jumping in a conversation being held by five fedex guys (I couldn't help it), or asking a guy who he was texting (while looking at his phone)... it was simply hysterical. Many would say one day I'll get kicked or smacked for being fresh, but I guess until then I'll have the vicks on the side waiting. One thing i did realize, i wish i had a bicycle! we walked a long the riverside park trail and it was just gorgeous... Ojala yo! The night ended at a Mexican rest. it was yummy-licious. I love my random moments in time, and my random friends... they make life a little lighter to live.

I'm becoming public enemy #1! damn you fb! haha... frankly I don't care. If you know me, and we are real friends you would not take offense to the things I say. If i really mean something, and want to be rude I make sure that is clear.... no haha added. Whatever, I even gave up on arguing with mami about things... and you know what? I wake up a lot happier.

So, don't let my comments or anyone elses ruin your day/friendship/relationship/idea of self/night/snack etc... I sure wont.


Yes tomorrow is Wed, half way to Saturday! Lets go Dream Team ! ouchhhhhhhhh

Fan-Jiggy