So many thoughts...

Time:

I went to dinner with a friend of mine yesterday and I waited for an hour. I was upset, not because I was waiting, but because the lady at the restaurant kept looking at me like I was a fool getting stood up. That got me to think about time, and all the time we waste on pointless things (i.e. arguments)... but me being a female, I also thought about how much time I spend thinking about my love life (of course I spend time on other things, there are 24 hrs in a day!)... how much time is too much time? I cannot be the only person possibly thinking about this. Even those in relationships question the relationship itself... those who are married as well. Is this an ongoing never ending pointless battle? Then again, like Jose Marti said (one of my fave quotes) "And so it is of human life the goal to seek, forever seek, the kindred soul," unless of course I am misinterpreting him.

Comparisons:

So one of the topics that came up at dinner ( I actually brought it up in one of my random venting moments), the fact that Dominicans and PuertoRicans are always compared to each other, but no one ever compares either to Cubans. Are they all not Caribbeans? do they not all have similar roots. I don't want to take away from any of these cultures, as I find myself more fascinated by these little islands and the struggles of their peoples as opposed to India or China. But as a fellow Dominican, who sees the similarities and the differences, I get annoyed that Cuba gets the treatment of being "isolated" from the comparisons. I don't think is fair. I feel that all three cultures have taken pieces from each other, and maybe the reason Cuba doesn't get compared as much is because there aren't that many Cubans in NYC (that I know of)... still, let us all be a little more conscious of our comparisons and not eliminate others that can be compared. I tried to compare Uruguay to Argentina, and my friend got offended (hmmm).

Dominican Vs. Spanish:

I'm half Dominican and half Spanish... (gasp) SPANISH?! That's usually how people react to my nationality. Never do I get, (gasp) DOMINICAN!?! Who said that Spain is better than my gorgeous island? Not to take away from my history filled Spanish side, that I love dearly. But it really bothers me that my Dominican side is simply swept under the rug, treated like the mass produced items sold at Target. GRRRR!! I will never deny that my father is from Galicia, and that he speaks con la Z, or that I love eating paella and tortilla Espanola (made of papas)... but I take a lot of pride in my Dominican culture. It is rich with stories of when I was a little girl dancing by the rejas hoping one of the local neighbors would buy me candy. It has taught me to make moro de abichuelas negras con carne ensebollada (and I don't care who disagrees, but to me my mothers sazon is by far the best thing to touch a pan). It has a trail of music that makes you move your feet even if you have no rhythm... Yes Dominican Republic, my one half, is populated with loud mouths, jokers, brugal drinkers, mofongo lovers... and I am proud of all that. People see Spain as this sophisticated country of some sort, its like those that are dazzled by the glitz and "glamour" of Hollywood. Who said Beverly Hills is cooler than the Lower East Side? I guess it depends on what you perceive as better. I'll just continue loving both my nationalities... for the rest of you "hafies", hang in there, I know it gets confusing.

Journalism:

As an intern here at my summer job I get to write a lot, and although the Editor can be a tough one, I'm starting to think that maybe I could have some sort of career in writing. I told mami and she said, "well choose something that you can make money in, you know jobs are hard now," not exactly the support I was looking for (I guess shes being practical)... but where mami lacks my bff surely doesn't. I told her my idea of looking into journalism for grad school, and she said "I think your idea for grad school is great!... you need to write a book!" haha, I've always toyed with the idea of writing a book someday, and I'd think it would be amazing. I don't know who would read it, but then again those who truly love to read, read whatever they can get their fingers on. Just today I was reading my journal, which I started Dec 31, 2007. And I couldn't stop laughing, thinking, almost tearing... that's my book right there. My life, the endless roller coaster, and I'm sure there are other women that can relate. Maybe I'll publish all my journals one day (I've kept one since I was 14)...

Cant stop listening to : Buena Vista Social Club

Act your age...not your shoe size

After yet another fantabulous weekend, where I of course found random things to do (its become an art over the years) I started thinking about men and their age, and why it takes some men so many years to grow up... make a commitment and not act like fools when they have a good female by their side. I was around all sorts of guys this weekend: college grads, hicked out Dominicans, career men, hood guys, firefighters, and even a groom on his wedding date... and I got to observe the different degrees of maturity and "grown man-ness" that each group possessed. I'm not knocking being a kid at heart and always enjoying yourself in any situation; but I just think its a problem when a man refuses to grow up. When you're in your 40's and you're still being a player, and trying to be the life of the party it just becomes obnoxious. That's my personal opinion. For females its difficult to de-code guys at any age, I dont care what anyone says.

When you're 5 the boy pulls your hair and kicks you, or he makes fun of you (his way of showing he likes you), at 15 he ignores you because he doesn't know how to approach you, at 18 hes all about his boys and wants to be the player, in the 20's he wants to live it up (god forbid he takes anything serious, and if he does, he does it too late), and in his 30's... well I'm lost with this age group all together.


Maybe that's why girls get all psychotic and vicious, because they drive themselves crazy trying to figure things out... when maybe they should just let things be. Let the missing pieces of the puzzle find themselves.



I could only hope that guys stop wasting females times, unless that's the kind of female that wants you. Don't get offended if one of us denies you the exchange of numbers, some of us are tired of the chase. You want a challenge? Read Moby Dick, just don't be one. I'm just trying to be happy man.

So I've been thinking about how people assume that because you are good looking and have a good personality, you should have massive amounts of people all over you...in my case men. And thats really not the case. I wonder if others feel as I feel about the "situation." I always say looks can't get you everything. Sure a free drink here and there, maybe free admission to a club... but a decent conversation that doesn't end with "so can I get your number?" or "come home with me", seems far fetched.

Maybe I'm way too over critical of guys, or maybe the social places that I find myself in limit the pool of guys from which to meet; but regardless I just want to make the point that sometimes being attractive doesnt get you too far... not that I don't enjoy the looks that God and my parents blessed me with.

Putting it out there, dont just assume! and don't limit yourself from talking to a pretty girl or handsome guy because their looks intimidate you... you never know!

Its Friday! <3

Walking on the wild side...

It is quite gorgeous outside today, just the sunlight made me smile multiple times (I probably look like a crazy lady but who cares). I did something really wild today and I did it for 2 reasons, one was for my best friend who didn't want to go at it alone, and the second was because I was curious and I decided to take a risk... haha. So I can't share what it was (get your mind out of the gutter), but lets just say its like a sour patch: when you first taste it is really sour and afterwards its sweet. haha.. so I'm practicing what I preach! I took a risk! haha.

So when is blunt too blunt? is there ever too much honesty? hmm something to really think about.

Reflective Tuesdays

Tuesdays should be left for reflecting on life, and the current state of mind that you are in... and that's exactly what I did today (aside from working, gasp). I'm realizing that I am changing and its really for the better, and I can't even discuss how its happening because I'm discovering it as I go along. Sometimes the events that happen in your life don't affect you until later. All that I have gone through in the course of the past year has really started to affect me now... and I'm glad for it. If we don't take time out to self reflect how can we move forward? make the next step... whether right or wrong.

After pledging my line I learned how much stress I can take, and how strong of a female I could be... how much responsibility I could withstand... and how good it felt to be praised for the hard work I had done. Through past relationships I learned that after being burned, and lied to is hard not to over analyze things and double think guys intentions. Its a double sword, you don't want to judge the new person because of the past but you don't want to be played like a fool... it goes back to what i previously said on taking risks and not lying to yourself. Through friendship fall outs, and friendships newly born... I've learned that as long as I have a good heart, a positive outlook and never wish bad on anyone god will bless me with beautiful people...Karma.



That, makes me reflect on all of those who have done harm to me, or wished bad upon me... and it makes me feel sorry for them... el que tiene odio en su corazon nunca sabra la felicidad.



I went on to reflect on how others view me and how I view myself... I still have so much work to do on myself (try and let go of bad habits), but I've come to be happy with all the good and the bad. How boring would I be if I were perfect? then no one would get a chance to laugh at all my clumsiness and "special" moments. And as far as others go, I only care about those closest to me. You can't judge the unknown. Hard to do, but I'm teaching myself... slowly.



Looks aren't everything! (random)... I was thinking about all the insecurities gorgeous people must have... no one is perfect, so I hope that the imperfect guy that is meant to steal my heart and give me those corny butterflies with just a touch of his skin finds me... sometime in this life...and for those of you who already are perfectly happy with your imperfections ... reflect, and be thankful.