These past three weeks have been an emotional rain storm that has begun to fade away. I've evaluated myself emotionally from every angle I could think of. Tried to see myself in a different way after Uv posed the question of what type of emotional pattern I have, and how healthy it is. Most people have dating patterns, meaning their partners tend to have some/many of the same traits. This is not the case for me. However, I happen to have an emotional pattern. Which is not up for discussion just yet --- still inspecting it.
I want to share a little story of how far I've come in dating and how thankful I am for the person it has made me. Two years ago I went out with a guy notoriously known for being many things, and being a good boyfriend was not one of them. But like most lessons in life-- all come with experience. Hands on.
I'll keep this short. The relationship turned toxic rather quickly, and although I knew it was not a great situation I stuck it out. Ah something about believing you can change a person (laughs). By the end of that summer we had a trip to Florida, to meet some of his family. Two days prior to the trip, he breaks up with me. But! the trip could not be cancelled. All was booked, the family was anticipating our arrival. Some of you might think I'm the biggest idiot for going on the trip, but don't judge. When you care about someone you can be very foolish and not even notice it. Anyway, we return from our trip and I am totally devastated. For a week I took all our pictures from Florida and made a scrapbook--- hey, I cope w arts & crafts you cope with liquor, lets move on... A week later, the guy begs me to get back with him, I say yes (foolish moment #2) and a month later after realizing that this was simply not a good look for me, I ended things.
Now, that is the basic ending to the story. I would like to elaborate on the parts where he was emotional, controlling AND had the most ridiculously CRAZY psychotic ex girlfriend evil has managed to birth. But I'll save that for my book.
When this boy broke up with me, I thought I was never going to meet someone like him again. But, I DID. And better. And while being single and living the life of a 20 year old for the past two years, I forgot about that lesson. Until today.
Today I found the scrapbook I made of us in Florida. As I looked through the photos and read all the side comments, I kept thinking: WOW, here I was. And here I am today.
I am thankful that I went against the grain and dated that boy. He taught me early on what a dysfunctional and emotionally unhealthy relationship looks like. Why ex girlfriends, if still mentioned are a huge red flag. Why men should not be unfinished projects for me to finish.
I'm thankful I recognized all of the things in a crappy union early on that some women/men take years to realize/never do (and managed not to allow them to repeat again). I'm thankful I didn't try to change myself from a sweetheart to a btch---just because. Yes, I became more protective of my heart, but that was only fair. A lot less foolish indeed.
So yes! move with caution when approaching the jungle that the dating world is. Yes! be courageous enough to take a leap and say fk it when you meet someone you think might "Just, Be, It". Yes! brace yourself for the end of it all---Break ups aren't usually fun nor easy (with the exception of a few). And YES!... look forward to the fact that it will all happen again.
Learn. Live. BE.
MsUnderstood.
