Inspiration...

I've been lacking motivation/inspiration for the next chapter of my life
Ironically enough for my writing.
I was given :Assata an autobiography: as a xmas gift
and it is probably one of the best gifts I've gotten.
I'm only up to page 31 but I can already call her my hero.

She actually inspired me to start a new journal..
Pen in hand, paper ready to be filled.

Ah what a decade this has been... I wonder how the next one will bring.

FanStar

Joyful...

Merry Xmas to you and yours.

Smile. Eat. Reminisce.

But most of all...

KEEP IT LIGHT.

Live.Love.Laugh.

MisUnderstood.

My Theraphy...

I’m going to start off by saying SMFH ::and breath::
I find myself at the forefront of a situation that shouldn't’t be a situation, but is a situation SIMPLY BECAUSE I made a poor choice over the summer. Not everything that glitters is gold my friends. Lesson learned.

And so here I am, torn really. Why? Because the mature MisUnderstood that rose like a phoenix back in 07’ wants to take the high road. And on behalf of that side of me I write:

I don’t have time for drama. The last time I dealt with it I was still and undergrad with my heart on my sleeves, blinded by what I thought was love. Life is made complicated by individuals that don’t have much significance in their daily routines. So when one small thing presents itself they rather magnify it by a million so that others that DO have things going on in their lives turn around and say “oh poor you”. I learned in 07’ that when you make yourself out to be the victim all the time, people start to get tired of it. And so, as I’ve mentioned before: Drama likes company; and I’m just not taking that empty seat on the couch. If I feed into drama I lose focus of my happiness. And after years of looking for it, I refuse to give it up so easily. With that said I’ll turn the other cheek and follow the yellow brick road.

However, it really isn’t fair to let one side speak and the other hush, and so the 12 year old that got bullied for not speaking English well and for wearing high water windbreakers—whom also had to learn to reinvent herself and be a little tougher so that people didn’t chop her down with words would like to say:

I truly dislike people that act like a little btch. Especially men. I hate it when I am genuinely speaking to someone about a touchy issue in a politically correct matter and they go running with scissors. Blow it up and make posters out of it with my face and a HERE’S THE BTCH sign under it. Makes me scratch my hair and turn my head side ways. Really? Did that just happen? ::Looks around the room:: What adds fuel to the fire is when friends get involved. I happen to have a group of friends that won’t get involved unless you tap the mat and ask for a life saver—we try to fight our own battles first and then proceed. Never have I sent a friend of mine to attack someone else say… on their facebook wall..because really--- how immature is that? SMFH.

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And so… If you mix some of MisUnderstood 07 + Young bullied girl+ 2010 on the horizon you get:

Why did I give this so much importancia? 1. Because I am human 2. Because I am a female and 3. Because when I am feeling any type of way I like to let it out through writing. So that when and if I feel this way again I can back track-read-and move on. Writing is extremely therapeutic for me, its better than pair of ears since it’s as if you’re talking to yourself (and sometimes you’re the only person who understands). And so in the battle of taking the high road vs. letting the bitch be unleashed—the high road wins. I was upset for the 30 seconds it took me to write the paragraph above, and not just because of the ignorant bs which was at the forefront of it all- but rather at the fact that I felt bad/guilty for the situation… mean while that empathy was not even necessary nor deserved. And now all that energy is gone, sent back into the universe….hopefully it doesn’t land in anyone’s mouth.

See, the thing is I can’t let my feelings be bottled up—especially when I know how it feels to be on an emotional ride by myself (toots the horn). I think Diddy had it right when he coined “NO BITCHASSNESS”--- someone should bring that back. Age isn’t a state of mind, it doesn’t determine maturity, but it sure looks bad when you’re old and acting like a child. Lesson learned.

Live. Laugh. Love--- and GROW.

FanStar

Like a Pheonix. I rise. 2010.

The Spirit of Xmas...

Oh the holidays, season’s greetings to you all shala bumchakalaka… J

In the midst of the revival of retail due to all the last minute shopping --when do you actually stop and think whether or not the things you are buying for your loved ones are necessary or simply gifts for the heck of having something to give when they hand you a wrapped box?

Money is still scarce and buying “whatever” just because, just doesn’t cut it. Maybe I’m a tad more conscious of this because I try to give thoughtful gifts. Or maybe this is what most people lack when giving gifts—THOUGHT.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but what is the point of giving someone a 55 inch television when they already own three other large television sets? I just find it pointless. And I understand that if you could afford to give something this extravagant then who I’m I to judge? However what does that say about the gift giver? Hmmm….

Moving on to my next issue with gift giving: Parents who give their spoiled/rude children gifts that 1. They don’t deserve and 2. Are simply ridiculous for their age group.

((Do I have children? No I don’t. Do I have an opinion? Yes I do…))

I’m speaking from a personal experience. But let me go a little deeper as to why giving ridiculous gifts to children bothers me. Often times parents (that I know) complain that their child acts like a grown up instead of their age. That their child doesn’t listen, or respect elders. That their child isn’t doing well in their classes. Wa.Wa.Wa.

Then! Xmas rolls around or Los tres reyes, and they go and buy their 10 year old spoiled daughter a digital cam worth 150 bucks. Or! Their rude 12 year old an 8G IPod. REALLY?!

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This is when I SHAKE MY HEAD Vigorously. How do you expect your child to behave and act their age, when you are rewarding their poor behavior with a 200 dollar iPod. Behavior is taught. A 10 year old does not need a digital cam, not unless you are sending her over seas on a trip she won through a scholarship. What does this teach to the child? Hmmm… But I digress. Maybe I am just bitter because I didn’t get an iPod until the age of 22, and a digital cam at the age of 23. Then again I was perfectly happy with a Barbie at age 10 and with the hello kitty stickers my cousins bought me (which lasted me a whole semester at school).

I can understand that as a parent you want to give your child things you probably didn’t have growing up. But I think there is something to be learned from the “simple” gifts that once were given--- they made you appreciative of the little that you had and taught you that Xmas is not about gifts-- it’s about spending time with people that make you happy. Whether that’s family, friends or at a soup kitchen (<-- now that’s nice!). I can also understand that children can’t understand the above, because they are CHILDREN. But it is really up to the parent to teach them this along the way. Like many of my friends, I didn’t have much growing up and when I did receive something I cherished it. This has transcended into the way I am today as a grown woman. Except of course when the gift is something like a plant--- hahaha (or is it ho ho ho?).Just some humor!

Parents--- if your child deserves it and you can afford it then go for it, you have my blessing. But if your child doesn’t, don’t complain two months later when they want a Mac. That’s yo’ fault homie.

Grownups- if you can’t afford a gift don’t go on a scavenger hunt for coins or worse into more debt. No one ever died of not receiving a xmas gift. But that doesn’t mean you can’t join in the festivities, do a potluck (like my friends and I have/will do). Make a card from scratch—still a good look for the fridge. Or simply, HUG THAT ISH OUT. People know the deal, unless you’re living under a rock--- you know we are in a recession.

So why do I give a gift? Because I like to see the look on the persons face when they open it. Now that right there, is priceless joy!

Be conscious. Be thoughtful.

FanStar---ReInventing MySelf.

It feels good to be happy...

I strongly believe that drama attracts drama. When you like drama you attract it, or find a way to meet it somewhere... Some females need drama (some males too)--- and when they start a new relationship they try to find a little bit of drama someway or the other to "spice it up", because if the drama is lacking then there MUST be something wrong with the relationship... this is where I say -- WOMP.

To have no drama, to not stress small stupid insignificant things--- that's a relationship. That's why I admire women like my girl Dari who doesn't stress the small bs that could turn into a mountain... and for what? What is the point of wasting all that energy when you could have been focusing on good things. Ah smh.

And I'm not talking about this because it has anything to do with my current relationship--- I'm just re evaluating all my love encounters from this year and seeing how much I have grown. And trust me, it has been A LOT.

So I was in Miami for a couple of days! how fan-tas-tic! I needed some warm heat on my skin. It was great! A lot of random encounters and adventures with people. Got to see a different side of my friends, always good---makes the friendship grow a little tighter. Also saw some from friends from CR! Awesome times. I love reconnecting with people. My alter ego ::Aeesha:: came out to play. I suggest you all let your alter ego come out for a little, its liberating to say the least. I'll give you a small recap: Love n Hate with a pole, hanging at the barber shop, free drinks @ Mangos, desperate measures for a tan... and yea... lets leave it at that. :D

Xmas is a week away, and I am actually excited. I get to see some of my family members and that means (as all Dominican families) a lot of stories about when my cousins and I were little-- In other words: Fanny you were such a little bad ass, always stealing your cousins biberon (thats milk btw)... SMH. I was a little bad ass. Or maybe that was Aeesha coming to play! haha the world will never know. Plus my cousin lived in NYC, she could afford to miss a couple of feedings... right?! :D

I have major plans for 2010... lets keep hope and faith alive.

Much Love.

FanStar

Feeling some type of way...

Raining like crazy last night. Got my moccasins soaking wet, and woke up feeling extra stuffy... had to catch myself from falling asleep in the shower, and def had a hard time putting on my leggings... not to mention the extra sneezes and coughs on the train (shout out to the rude lady that stole my seat, even THAT didn't make you smile...smh). Ever had one of these mornings? Wondering why you were outside when you could have been in bed? That was me for a split second, and then I remembered. (Mushy Alert)

I'm seeing this amazing human being. I have to brag. Coming from two years of a lot of random/awkward/train wreck/lying/confusing/debatable/wtf is going on in your head/ heart breaking/ annoying/ very very weird/ I'm I on punk'd?/ I want you as my girl but not with the title experiences with men, I am simply BAFFLED and in the utmost awe stage of my current life. So this is why I am constantly putting happy go lucky statuses on FB and why you can catch me on the train with a big grin on my face... I just can't help it. I'm happy. So fellow readers, enjoy me while I am basically perspiring flowers and rainbows-------insert big heart here.

Its so ironic when you are single you see these couples and you're like ugh get a room while secretly hoping you meet someone you can do the same with, ha. What is even more interesting is the phenomenon I am going through where if one more guy hits me up about hanging out or going on a date I might just have to write a chapter about it on my book-------seriously. But I'm highly flattered. I guess it goes with that universal rule you want what you can't have? hmmm. Well I wouldn't trade my happiness for a glass of wine and some cheap laughs, no sir. The truth is I THINK I actually met someone who is willing to be brutally honest and is reminding me that its okay to dream a little while keeping your feet grounded (<--- isnt that the point of being alive?)

hmmm...

On other news:

Thanksgiving Wknd was quite the spectacle. I managed to see friends I had not seen in months, spend time with the girls whom I love (Lari D, Zu,Yani,Luz), eat a little (crazy i know) and AND ladies and gents fall down a flight of stairs! I'm sure Jlo's and Lady Gaga's falls were more memorable but I bet mine hurt more...ah. Life. I also got SUPER SICK--- shout out to the worlds best mom! who took care of me. I hope I'm half as good a mother as this lady. <3

I have one last trip coming up with my ladies and I am ecstatic... closing 2009 with a bang. This was a year of so many things for me, and I'll write about it as 2010 gets closer........

::If you tune your antenna towards whats possible (instead of whats not) you'll see avenues of opportunities staring you right in the face::

FanStar