I love words but...

Talk is cheap... Back it up w/ actions and then we can further discuss.


Phase 1 of self improvement 2010 begins!

FanStar.

Finding Forever

Certain Albums Happen to build unforgettable connections with oneself. And so I replay while I unwind and figure this ish out.

Life doesn't throw at you anything it doesn't feel you're ready to handle.




Thanks Mj for always leading me towards the light

IT...

This sadness that invokes my body
Probably doesn't belong to me.
I must have borrowed it
Taken it
Made it
Into what it is.
Feeling a distortion
Working through this commotion
Communicating and contemplating
What IT is
This sadness that invokes my body
Shot me to the ground and back up again
My sanity I must lose before I regain
It
Again.
Lessons that come and go
Pardon my elementary flow
I seem to have this urge
To purge
My words fall out of my head and onto my bed
God I wish I had a queen size. No a king size.
Life size....
This sadness that invokes my body
Wants me to carry
IT.
Live IT
Feel IT.
I wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way
The drums play and for happiness ill pray. This sadness that invokes my body...leaves me w nothing else to say.

Turn the channel please...

So...and I'm off!

Mami and I were watching the news (which I rarely care to look @ since its all skewed to the side that pretty much shows: the world is horrible, the world is ending, explosions, the economy is crumbling etc etc) and they had this whole thing on religion. Now, I don't believe in organized religion on any level what-so-ever so it caught my eye, but I do believe in objective journalism (which is lacking since the Europeans stepped foot on the land that wasn't theirs). And so it was once again lop sided story telling. HOWEVER, some of it I agreed with (hey don't shake your head at me, I'm entitled to my opinions too). Institutionalized religion is like politics: needed to "keep the peace" to keep the world "functioning" to provide some type of "structure", but full of brain washing individuals who control with one hand and hold the people's (usually the poor/working class aka present slaves) money with the other.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not an atheist. I believe in a higher being, and I hold faith in her existence very close to my heart. I am a spiritual being and therefor cannot buy half the crap fed to society through the churches and their kings I mean priest... ahem...
In a time of so much "craziness" where it seems that the "straw that broke the camel's back" is about to fall from the heavens above, I would hope (will hope) that people go through some self evaluation and that in the process of it do some spiritual searching. After all doesn't God live within us? I know this is true.
So why buy beliefs from individuals who promise you the "promise land". None have proof of where it is. Could it not be that there is heaven on Earth? Why is it that people, and I mean religion fanatics, spend their whole lives preaching about death---and forget to live while they are alive.
Mami has always told me one thing, "Nothing in life is guaranteed except for death, so make the best of your life now". Now ain't that the truth?...hmmm... Just questions tis' all.

With Hope. And Faith.

Fan Star
::Not Every Finger Is Ready For Its DIAMOND:: Yuvelqui Rivera

Before I Sleep

Love is unbelievable
Unspeakable
Yet you want to say it all
Speak it all
Love is every shade, every memory
Has it all.
Love is me staying up past my bed time
Writing about love.
Love is sitting in amazement at the audacity of it all.
Love is looking past the usual nuances
Forgetting subliminal messages in the dual scenes
Remembering tangible things
Songs that made you wanna sing

Love is remarkably simple. Sweet.
Skip hop stop.
Love is this and that. Its large and small. Instilled so deep like the profound blue sea.
Love is like an energy drink. But at the same time can drain you leaving u w nothing else to think.
Think. Think. Think. Think. And tell me. What love is....

Glitches

Mami (to Tia): "Fanny me decia a los cinco años, :Mami No me vengas a buscar al colegio hoy porque mi papi me va a venir a buscar: Tu sabes lo que es eso? Te imaginas que no la hubiera buscado? Se me queda la pobre hay" ((The air in the room is immediately interrupted by the sound of laughter))

I'm 23 now and find it funny, so I can laugh it off. But there is nothing funny about a five year old girl waiting for her dad to come pick her up from school...
The impact negligence has had is almost unmeasurable.

((r.e.s.p.o.n.s.i.b.i.l.i.t.y))

Aventura

I went to the Aventura Concert last night with some of my girls... It was quite the experience to say the least... Romeo is def your typical Dominican/PR man... pelvic thrusts and all. But let me not judge, the man after all lives a hard life (right).

I have never seen so many women dressed up as if it were their last night on earth. Some had sparkly dresses and others had just stepped out of their favorite salon. It was every mans fantasy, or woman's for that matter. I was left in awe at some of the ridiculous outfits and "walks" women had, makes me think of why it is Latinas are the way they are. See to me, there is a thin line between flavor and simply over-cooked... ahy.

The concert itself was wonderful, and the highlight of my night was Marc Anthony singing... my heart almost skipped out of my mouth and went on stage... I must see him live before I pass---pretty please!

I have never felt that type of energy though. I think that is what impacted me the most. The amounts of fans and followers they have. Such immense love, not every artist(s) is blessed with that, and especially off one one genre...Bachata.

I must admit in h.s. I hated bachata, so depressing. But I've gained an appreciation for it over the years... pero, last night was enough bachata for a while. I left a melancholic and listened to "dile al amor..." over and over on the train. Smh.

Music has the power to do so much... magic at its finest... except its so real.

Other Aventura moments:
*For a second I was falling for Dominican men, and then Anthony started talking about why men cheat... that was the end of that.
*Max, one of the guitar players, did a rap song... HUH? exactly my friends... He is great w/ the guitar....yea...
*Romeo kissing this woman who I swear was a man (smh sorry it is the truth)
*Man getting stomped out by a sea of people

And that my friends is what I call entertainment.

<3>

I'll let my thoughts do the talking...

Being a female is exhausting

Or perhaps its my existing

Flipping, Turning Morning

Growing... into a woman.

Constantly battling thoughts about this man...

My goals. My Dreams. My Aspirations.

Where I'll be 5 years from now

If his name I'll still Mention

Who really knows, I might have a different destination...

So you see, is it me or are we too analytical?

Getting ahead of ourselves

Taking words that are said way too literal.

Back & Forth. Back & Forth.

Debating things that probably don't need debating

My feelings I'm stating...

A constant change, Yes! I'm changing.

Why must we be driven by emotions

Piling on the sentiments

like Cocoa Butter Lotion...

Reminiscing on your skin

And the RHYTHMIC motion

of your lips against my... indeed you are a sin...

As if I am a glass of water and drinking me is all that really matters.

Break my heart, here we go again

Neyo sang Ms Independent

Providing you all with Entertainment.

What is next in line for me? For you?

So soon our souls did meet

Or MAYBE yours was looking for mine these past 5 centuries

Or MAYBE I'm just making this all up, and really should just STFU...

Or May B, May B, May B, what will BE may B.

Easily I'm lifted by the way that you speak

The way you undress my body with your eyes your love I do seek.

For a bleak second I feel my heart shift...

Right. Left. Right.

"I"m a soldier of love" like Sade, and trust I do relate...

See cupid is using my heart as bate

Forgetting that this is all fate.

I have to detach myself from this addiction

Must separate facts from fiction

My goals to be a writer,

to see a little brighter,

breath a little lighter

are still there.

I'm trying not to fall...

So reality pick up the phone

This jaded lady is placing a call.

::Unplugged::

Fanstar

::Unplugged::

Uncensored...

Unknown...

Unseen...

Un dia de estos...

*Moments that define us... or are we the ones that define those moments*

Give us something good........

Okay so! I have to say the following:

1. Why is it that all commercials on major Latino/Hispanic networks are so HORRIBLE. Omg I can't even watch TV with my mother because a little piece of me wants to cry when I see these distasteful l tacky commercials. Give my people some credit, as if we can't enjoy something with more humor or perhaps more intelligently put. Commercials like the Optimum Reggeaton commercial are not only a slap to our faces (although catchy -_-) but also makes us look like hooligans to other cultures that might come across it on youtube... so SMH to those giants who think we can't appreciate something with more thought.

2. Haiti: So sad. So SAD. I mean words can't even be written to write about how sad I feel about this... but I've felt this sadness for Haiti before. And all I want to say, is that people piss me off who all of a sudden feel sad about Haiti. Let me explain, because my wonderful amor brought up the good point that I shouldn't down size the feeling people are having at the moment... AND I AM NOT. I am simply upset at the fact that Haiti has been in shambles economically, socially, educationally etc and no one put that on their fb status (just giving an example)... and so all I am hoping for is that people continue to want to help or care about Haiti past this week. When it is no longer in the eye of the media and selling news papers.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pennies for thoughts.


Love this song... It may not go with the above but had to share. I'm one big ball of yarn.

::I want to submerge in this urge, created by the iris in your pretty brown eyes and the perfect shape of your lips, I want to forget the unforgiving world that sits outside my window and indulge in the escape that your embrace provides for me::

Observations...

Let me share the silent hurricane that is my mind at this particular time.
This book I'm reading makes me think of all the crazy terrible things that people, or I should say anyone that posed a threat to the government, had to endure for their freedom. Its as if Pandora's box was re-opened and I can't stop wondering what if...

I walked through 103rd and Lex today and as I passed Park & Madison I couldn't stop from staring at the buildings that compose the projects like a maze, connecting people, families, childhood friends, communities, history... a lot of it looked run down and I started to wonder again... about the young lords and what they were upset about... at first it was getting the garbage picked up and then about what the communities needed... and well, has anything really changed? Did the neighborhood improve? I can't stop wondering what if...

But that's the beauty of NYC you have these avenues that make you think of pricey clothes and bugie people, but never does it cross your mind that there lies 103rd and Park... the appearances drive me nuts. And then I landed on 5th avenue... simply gorgeous and well put together (like a sleek pony tail with pearl earrings), mean while down the block you have a whole world of survivors... trying to survive.

There was an earth quake in Haiti. Scary isn't it? Scary because we don't know how many casualties there are, because no one really mentioned Haiti until this catastrophe happened, because as I worry where or what I'll be doing next month with my life and my talents there are thousands of other third world people out there worse off. Being a little bit privileged makes you worry about things that others would think themselves lucky to worry about...
So I wonder, in the grander scheme of life... what will really matter?

Think.Express.Be.