Life is what happens when you call out to the universe...

So I go to meet up with my sis @ 34th street for some new years outfit damage control, and after not finding a damn thing except for piles and piles of messy clothes left by other shoppers, we decide to go to GnG's in Soho... for some wine, for some -life discussions, and I don't mean venting about dudes or how messed up our nail polish looks on your nails... I mean real life sht.

As we are drinking our red Merlot, this older white man approaches us at the bar and sparks up the most random conversation... about life. And one of the things that he said, that caught my attention, was that during major transitions in our lives (i.e. new job, graduation, moving etc) we may think that we truly know what we want, but in the long run that thing that we wanted was way off chart. You never truly know what you want, because what you want just happens... this thing just manifests on its own... and looking back at all the major points in my still young life on this planet, I can agree.

The older man with white hair walks away and returns with this guitar pick, hands it to me, and says: hold this close to you, in your wallet, or somewhere safe, and it will bring you luck. I guarantee you this. It brought me luck (I guess he was paying it forward). PAUSE. 2 hours earlier I was telling my sis that I feel like someone put a FUKU on me and then we start to scream ZAFA (reference to Junot Diaz last novel...yes, I am Dominicana)... PLAY... so I look at yuvs and I'm like, wow, if this is not an omen, then idk what is... and there I sat by the bar, with a pick in my hand, flabbergasted.

I know it wont bring me monetary riches, bc I am not even about that, but if it brings me the other riches I seem to be waiting for... happiness, as in true happiness... then he gave me the best gift anyone could have.

Anywho, if that's not crazy and dope at the same time... then I don't know what is.

DIG IT.
FAN STAR

On the F...

Back in da days

when i was young

I'm not a kid anymore...

Fuck it no more chores

I hit the red button and

score

POINTS

joints

Nah... I don't smoke

That

Fall back

This happiness is like

CRACK

It can last me through the seasons

I dont need to give you reasons

speaking of which

That dream song told me to

DITCH

Flip the SWITCH

Mister multiple personalities

I dont understand your

RATIONALITY

What is your nationality?

NARCISSISTIC?

REALISTIC?

Fuck ... that!

I am OPTIMISTIC!!

Nigga,

Can you dig... A...

Sistah?

Mistah... man

Damn

Look at what you did...Kid

Thats right

I will-I might... take flight

I dont just bark .. trust, I'll fight

My intellect cant be

DISCUSSED

I dont need all that fuss

Cus

My loyalty

My sweet kind words

My details

Are sweet tales

Not like Cinderella

No tears you can leave that

UM-BRE-ELLA

Ella es una bellesa

Que riqueza

And here you make her less

of

a

Woman

you MAN

push her away

for another day

But maturity cannot be measured

MY wisdom is what I treasure

sure i know you feel secure

but there is no real cure

for your internal insecurity

Mixture of emotions

Like a volcano ready to rupture



CULTURE

CULTURA- THATS WHAT YOU LACK

Your ManHOOD cannot be measured by your ball sacks

Macking it to chicks

hoping that your dick

gets a delicious

lick

CLICK

that was your reality

waking you up

enough is ENOUGH

shit... this is tough

Cough up that need that you have

Yea go ahead and get a good laugh

ME RIO DE ULTIMA

ME RIO MEJOR

No tengo ningun dolor

este corazon

ya no tiene rencor

Nada mas espera amor

At the end of the road we all just wanna be loved



Yea I'm emotional

I speak colloquial

Dime DALE Toma

COMA

thats what I'm in

An eternal moment of bliss

KISS

the fool

you swear you're so cool

Disregarding what I

COMMUNICATE

Making it seem like I exaggerate

Many females can surely relate

To a date

when they noticed

that the last notice

Came through a text

A load off your chest

I bring out the best

IN PEOPLE

My 4 dimples?

I get them from my papi

But I'm not trynna get sappy

Seriously

YOU

DONT

KNOW

what you're missing out on

CMON

this ride

my mind is like a train map

STOP

okay

You can hop the turnstyle

or you can watch and file

a complaint

AINT

that some SHIT

I can rock the orange and purple lines

I dont need to be wined and dined

FINE

I am reached at the nearest station

My personality is like the united nations

Pay ATTENTION

You can transfer

AFTER

BEFORE

RE LOAD

If you cant take me

then let me be free

A regular nigga cant see

that this is who I AM

Calm Cool and Collected

I can make your mind swell up

like a dick erected

Lets not make this sexual

let us re-evaluate your

DELAY

you have no emotions

and you treat mine like clay

LAY DOWN

Imma treat you like a clown

A simple joke brought by the soul of the universe

This will be my LAST verse

I would like a man that lets me IMMERSE

in his INFINITE POOL OF THOUGHTS

A man who can leave me guessing with a lesson

Who can make me feel like the AMAZON that I am

Who can put a smile on my face

Not one who always expects me to CHASE

HIM

The chances of you and I

seem GRIM

no

SLIM

I express myself

not like the train tracks

but as a human being that

you have something to GAIN

from

You are dumb

A GOOD THING right in front of you

and

here you sit CLUELESS

True

Men

are hard to find

So I'll keep challenging my mind

MISUNDERSTOOD LET ME REWIND...



So I was on the F line at 12 am going home after GnG's with my MJ, and from W4 street until my stop (an hour ride) I wrote none stop...

I'm not complex/ I'm just not the easiest girl to digest...

Distress

My mind a mess

My heart wighs less

Fuck the test

Fed

UP

UPset

Set the tone

I love being alone

Not sitting by the phone

Numbers

numb

Pieces of crumbs

Mum is the word

Words cannot express

This Distress

press on

Down

UP
All your careless actions fall into this insignificant cup...

a sitting Duck

Fuck

Thats the next bitches luck

I
WILL

NOT

BE

STUCK

so you can SUCK...

I'm not the girl I once was

Because

BE

CAUSE

all this...

magnificent female that

stands before you

will be

your

loss

like Rachel was to Ross

OH.....

and dont forget to floss

those pearly whites

no more Knights

Exist

EXIT

Is this way

thats what my conscious

will SAY

another DAY

care

Not that I care

But unlike

my LIKE

This shit aint fair

So stop the blank stares

No longer scared

Another message Ill have to share

Distress

No LESS

No

LET'S

move on

I'm gone.

This book I'm reading is making me write poetry again... I may not be mind blowing and orgasmic with it, but I enjoy it. What do YOU enjoy?

Fan Star

ho ho ho

Merry Xmas!!
I had such an amazing time with just a few friends,
I think xmas has a whole new meaning to me.

Be thankful, not for the gifts you might have gotten
but for the few people you are sharing this holiday season with.

FanStar

The Perfect Stranger...

What a day... have you been shopping?! it's a jungle... Jeez. Good thing I don't go for the typical store and I venture off to the vintage shops in BK... I had to try something new, I hate giving regular things... those things should be left for Thursdays.

After all the running around for those few special people in my life I still had a few things to get, and so I hop on the F line (as in Fine, Fantastic, Four, Fear, Fathom) and stare @ the train map, wishing, hoping a picture of a store would pop out and tell me COME HERE NOW PERFECT GIFT AVAILABLE... yea, wishful thinking. But as I'm staring into the abyss I caught the attention of this dude with a curly fro and a ring on his lip. He asked me if I would like to sit and I tell him no... and proceed to share with him my dilemma (he asked why I kept staring at the map)... this led to a conversation on gifts, on thrift shops, on the fact that he lives in Corona (my old hood), and then into the 4 (sorry Staten island) boroughs and how there is all this gentrification spreading like a rash, and how really it just adds to the culture of NYC... anyJUEY, it turned into a discussion on life, and right when he asked me what it was I wanted to do with myself (pin pon pin ---train door sound) I see its his stop, and he says in case I never see you again I hope you get to that life dream.

WOW. This is why I love NYC. Moments like this. But what made me think about it more was that I had just talked to a friend about the book Paul Mitchell wrote The five people you meet in heaven, and I had said I don't think I've met the people I'll meet in heaven yet... and after this perfect stranger I wonder if Ill get to finish my conversation with him up in the sky (assuming heaven is not just on earth)...

(thinking...)

stories...

So I tell my mother that I want to get las barajas read because I have this curiousity that wont let up... and I tell her that I think its because when I used to live in Margarita her friend used to read el tabaco... I was six so I dont know how I remember this so vividly. Well my mother confesses to me that she used to get her cards read around my age and that she stopped believing in it but that a lot of things that they told her became true.. Crazy. But as we are sharing stories the wildest of them all is the one of the day I was born.

She tells me that the night I was born there was a huge storm in DR and she got into a head on car crash with a truck and that all she remembers is the crash. That she was unconscious and woke up with bruices... She tells me that the car crash was so horrible that she doesn't know how either of us survived.

That got me thinking about my life, and the impact I've made on those around me... how would this world be without me? hmmm... and how will it be once I'm gone.

Dig it.

Check it one two...too...do...

What a weekend! I got a job! part time but still something is always better than nothing...
So kudos to me (pat in the back)
I got to hang out with my girls! specifically my ninja haha

My official grad party got postponed (que nevada dios santisimo)
But my Mj hooked it up at a local spot and we made moves... I was thankful for those that came through. I'm not big on things that shine, the small details will always be more important to me.

I ended the weekend with a failed attempt at getting a piercing (I'll try again!)
But in the midst of doing some holiday shopping, rapping on the bus with Lari Dadi (it was therapeutic I swear)
I realized (there goes that word again) that if it weren't for a few good friends, I would probably go insane.

2 more weeks for new years!

God is good.

Dig it.

Thoughts.

If only she understood. (thats what he thought)
If only he would have seen. (was what she said)
It is what it is. (was how it was left)

... nostalgic...

This whole semester I couldnt wait to finish... and now that I turned in my last paper I can't help but feel nostalgic.
Dont get me wrong, I am so proud of myself as I stated in a previous blog...
I can't even begin to grasp the idea that I really...am... done.

Maybe its the empty walls (after all the posters and pictures are down)
Maybe is the empty closet (all my clothes are packed)
Maybe is the empty room next door (my housemate left before me)
Or maybe is the idea that this will never be again... these 4 years. This chapter of my life is officially closed.

And then I can't help but smile.
I started the year happy.
I plan to welcome the new one the same way.

NYC.

This is some Ish...

Started reading my journal... Some of my 2008 quotes...
"Sometimes life is what happens... when I take the train.."
"I don't have to rush anything because whatever is meant for me will be... its already written"
"I think all women should hope for a man that makes them feel like they are the only one in the room"

"Who ever complained about a little sunshine?"
"Never fall for pretty sweet nothings..."
"Most things come with an expiration date... "
"Ill take my chances with chance any given chance I get"
"I want to succeed and be able to help someone else succeed as well. I want to buy a nice outfit and not feel guilt aright after. I want to understand why things that shouldn't happen happen. I want to travel around the world as much as humanly possible so that I have a gazillion stories for my grandchildren. I want to be discovered by love and then discover it every night and day. I want to be happy"

Totally into these songs... Jeez leave it to John legend to put me in that mood that females feel... ugh.
Everybody Knows
No other love

OOooo ....

I don't wanna do SHIT. I don't have not even one drop of motivation to do anything related to school other than packing my things up and going home... and then I look at the things that need to get done before I could officially finish this undergraduate life (I feel like one of those cartoons running away as someone is clearly pulling his/her jacket...so he/she is moving no where) oh dios.

Random thoughts in my mind... at 1 am... yes, I am up at 1 am... a true college student... I wonder if next sunday I'll be up at 1 am...

Competing with the past is not going to rock with me this new year... so... if for some reason you decide to creep up on me and tap me on my shoulder I plan to keep walking forward... I may look back every once in a while just to see how far I've come... but trust, you are the past for a reason.

I will not compare and contrast myself, resizing and increasing the pigments of the many portraits of my past...few...days...weeks...months...That was then and this is now... me... I am smart (book and street), funny (even in the most awkward situations), sweet (check your pocket you might find a note that reads "Thank u for making me Smile"), outgoing (I'll be your friend when no one else wants to), crazy (life is too short to be simple), complex (this is why I am MisUnderstood)... either you get me, or you don't.



Thank yous...

Daze: You have been my diary. You understand my unspoken language in the morning (because I fkin hate to talk without brushing my teeth), you know how to organize my life when I could barely find my way through my own thoughts... you give me inspiration when I'm ready to settle by believing that maybe I should be another person in a suit behind a desk counting the days down until friday at 5. You have been there through the many heartbreaks, and even that one night I called you at 4 am crying... you picked up... the pieces that were left of my heart... you have been there even when I didn't want anyone around me... I am a better person because of you. Simply. A better person.

Yuvs: the most humble woman I know. Thank you for teaching me that pride is sometimes our biggest downfall. A friendship that I didn't see coming, I love you like a real momma jams. Intelligent like no other, you inspire me as a Dominican female to continue my education... can't nobody take away the knowledge that you gain through education... educate yourself, so you can educate others.

Lari: BRO... Only one year of being friends, and I know we'll be around each other for life. My true wingman! The one that supports my moves, as I support yours... fuk it, if we're wrong we'll laugh and learn... you have taught me that the most important thing in this world is to be happy. I would have never imagined that you are the type of girl that you are. And for that I am thankful. Thank you for always being a text, im, gchat, email, phone call, train hop away. Thank you for letting me spoon you in the middle of the night (it was cold bro, it was cold)... thank you for never ever judging me (even when I drank that whole.. and then I shouted out all the ugly b... in the club) thank you for not being prissy and so girly! ah! a real thug lol no no no.. a real woman.

Luz: 2 years and counting, you recruited me for the Stroll Team... an honor. Being your friend is an honor. You don't get too close to many people and for letting me be this close to you (and I dont mean the time you caught me dancing in front of the mirror as you passed by the bathroom), you have taught me that you can be young and have it all...

2008: Thank you for giving me an amazing summer. Thank you for letting me wake up every day and realize that I was lucky to have the sun in my face... thank you for that summer internship that pushed me to deciding that I do want to pursue writing... thank you for all the free events me and my girls got to go to, which allowed me to meet people outside of my circle... thank you for letting me grow a year older and becoming a little smarter as a person... thank you for letting me meet all the guys that were just a step closer to my soul mate... thank you for letting me gain a better understanding of me as a human being in this crowded ass elevator... thank you for always keeping it real and pointing out my mistakes. Thank you for Obama. Thank you for giving me hope in the most depressing of times...
Thank you.

I'm ready for change. Welcome 2009. Lets see where you lead me to.

Dig this...

My style is SLACKING... ugh. I just came to that realization today after looking at how dope I looked in H.s. but back then I had a job and I didn't have to worry about paying my phone bill (its more important than some new shoes, sadly)... And so I started to think wth happened?! and here it is... COLLEGE...DORMING... yup that sums it up.

4 years up here and I'm all about sweats and hoodies (most comfortable thing ever). Don't get it twisted, I dress when I need to dress. But now that I'll be back in NYC officially, I'll have to step my game up once again.

In the city i get inspired, just by looking at some random picture, or some girls handkerchief that happens to have an odd flower on it... up here the only inspiration I can get is from going into the fashion lab and flipping through the latest magazines... and yet, I've never been huge on high fashion. I'm more into random indie poetic styles that really give you a sense of who the person is... all that I'm a hip hop baby and an 80s baby crap is really annoying and tacky. Making one piece into a full outfit is more important to me than rocking all the latest runway fashions (not that I can afford them anywho)... I've never been the girl to ask for jewelry and diamonds--- I love costume jewelry all the fake plastic stuff makes me happy, the only diamond I want is if I ever get married ha----
I go through phases from the ghetto-fied urbinite sneaker wearing girl to the real prissy high heel pass me my clutch and hold my drink jump off... I can do it up down side ways... I guess I'm just versatile. I wore a 50's vintage dress summer 05 and did I not get looks??! yes, and now... now is in... I was the first in h.s. to rock boxing sneakers, plastic boxy black glasses, colored jeans, funky stockings, pocahontas boots (don't remember the real name), high wasted jeans ... and now! NOW ALL OF THAT IS IN... like seriously?? haha... I'll see how I RE INVENT those old styles.

A dude that can dress, damn... add a nice smile a couple of jokes/sarcastic smart mouth comments/ an avid reader...and well, I might just be in heaven. I feed off of that. Def a plus. And I don't mean throwing together some dunks and a tee, I mean really having something funky that will make me say "ehhh amiguito, so where did you get that?"... I guess my standards have gone up...

Trying to find ways to re-invent myself has suddenly caught my attention, I'm bored with this... w.e. this is.. hopefully this changes...fast... Maybe graduating and the new year put me in this re-invent yourself mood.... Stay tuned to see what happens because I feel some wild ideas coming about... Below some pictures that have inspired me lately...
dope dope dope...

9 semesters... giving birth to a degree

!

Memories...

(ahhhhhh) I am so hyped!! Tomorrow is my last day of classes as an undergraduate!! Isn't that crazy?! I can't believe I made it.
I
MADE
IT
The girl that fit the failure statistic: Single mother, from the hood...
Let me state that again...
I
MADE
IT
What an accomplishment... If I could do a back flip without killing myself, I definitely would be doing one right now. 9 semesters of communication classes, repeating stats (I hate that fkin class, and anyone who got an A), thinking fashion merchandising would be a breeze (ha, ha, not), taking journalism and hating it for being so hard (go figure now I want to be a writer)!!

OVERWHELMED!! (<--- just an emotion at the moment, mixed with happy, ecstatic, outrageously hopeful) I have stories up the wazu! to share... my goodness, becoming a SIA changed my college experience completly.. if it weren't for all the road tripping I did, all I would know would be MARIST... and THANK YOU SWEET LORD BABY JESUS that I got to know everything else... Yo check it... Freshman year it was always me, my best friend Daze and my homegirl Jess... 4 years ago Marist didn't have that many Latina girls. So us 3, came through looking like the hottest thing off of the 7 train from queens. We had dudes calling dibs on us the first week of classes... ahh! FANTASTIC. We all get bagged by football players... dig it. Except mine turned into a night at the end of the semester where I drank cheap liquor and had sushi for dinner... and lets just say foaming at the mouth was never attractive. But yea, I managed to scream to my boy El Atrevido "WHY COUDN'T I HAVE MET YOU BEFORE HIM... SHT I CAN COOK BEANS WITHOUT WATER IF YOU WOULD TELL ME TO" Now, back then, I didn't know how to cook... not beans atleast. And I can tell you from cooking now, that you DEF NEED WATER. Sophomore year I was a ghost, I was always in the library and then I pledged... more library... haha... but my grades were on point. And I got to experience sisterhood at its finest... I became the DASHING DEUCE OF WAY TOO SICK SPRING 06. and then life became one huge party, where I was VIP. I remember the time I decided to stroll for my housemates (everyone had too much to drink, and it was like a show... there was clapping and hurray hurray )... there was that one time Tim told us not to lay on his bed (again drinking) and we said ok! he came back 2 secs later and where was daze and fan?! ON HIS BED CRYING : NO, YOU'RE THE BEST BEST FRIEND A GIRL COULD HAVE... LLORONAS. I managed to have idk how many love interest (toot toot the horn), go abroad to Italy (mi bella Roma), have my first and I hope last disastrous serious relationship filled with many many many crazy stories of its own (look for it in my book), perform in front of hundreds of people, pledge a successful line, have 3 internships, read poetry @ the nuyorican, have 3 littles, win a trip to the VMA's, write the begining of my screenplay... my jesus, the list goes on...too many jokes, too many friends, and yet I'll keep going...I could go on for days... but I wont. If the walls of my dorm could talk, it would be crazy... Many journal filled pages with tears, laughter, happiness, sadness... amazing moments I'll never forget. Marist was just a stop on my journey... and now I'll move forward to my destination.

Freshman year...
Sophomore...Junior...Senior.. 1/2... friends... sisters... life!

MISUNDERSTOOD...

So I a lot of my friends who have checked out my blog have asked me why it is that I write so much about relationships, romance, men and women etc.. and the reason is because it is a recurring theme in my life across the board not to mention it is a topic that anyone can relate to... so it is easier to write, since most people have been in similar situations, or know of someone who has.
My issue is that my outlooks on relationships and romance are often MISUNDERSTOOD... and then I'm forced to either ignore it or do some major damage control. Most men in my past either get what i have to say or they don't. I guess my comments, questions and concerns are left open to be interpreted as people wish... if you don't ask then I can't assume you MISUNDERSTOOD me...
On the other hand, I understand that this may have ended some possible romantic encounters prematurely, but the way I see it, if it was meant to be it woulda' been.

I watched how to lose a guy in 10 days again, and that movie really makes sense. Most of us do a lot of things that turn men away, i.e. being needy, moody, too much in their personal spaces (all they hear is blah blah blah lol)... and this is something that you try to work on with age (I'm guessing). But after the many dates (from hell) I've been on I think I'm okay with how I see romance... so here are my views for those of you who have asked...

Love: I believe you can have love for something or for someone forever. But there is a difference between loving and being in love, and most people fail to remember that. Then again, love to me is enjoying a summer breeze in complete silence outside my building as I write... what brings joy to your heart. Love is too deep of a word to truly explain.

Commitment: Commitment is work. You have to work to earn the trust, to earn the "love" and the honesty of the person you are with. I see it as a privilege. I only get worked up about this subject when ignorant comments are made... but I'm working on that. Do I enjoy it? hmmm it is yet to happen (on a healthy level) so I'll get back to that one. But, what I do know is that you cant get ahead of yourself too quick because you might ruin things. In other words, don't rush don't push don't pull back... just stroll along. Because if you rush it can end with a crash, if you push it can end with a crash, and if you pull back you may find yourself knocking on the door while someone already has your spot. So stroll... along.

Honesty: ALWAYS be honest. I can't stress that. If you are then you have nothing to regret. And this allows you not to burn any bridges. Id rather an ugly truth than a pretty lie. This is why I ask so many questions. PREGUNTONA.

The X factor: for the most part, if you ended it on good terms you can always keep it cool. Again I don't burn any bridges, sometimes they come in handy when you have to get across the river. To me, getting jealous over an X is juvenile. Unless the person gives you a reason to feel threaten then the X shouldn't matter... they are the X for a reason.

Discussing where you stand: If the vibe is right this is a simple thing to do. I always go for this question because it allows you to see if you are really getting to know each other or if you are just a hobby.

Feelin' you Feelin' me: Our generation doesn't use the phone much to call, but rather to text. Texting though can be MISUNDERSTOOD communication that can lead to a dead end real quick. But to find out if he/she is into you, is quick short and painless. So I don't see a problem with that... does that make sense? However, don't beat around the bush. I once asked a guy the deal and it took him a week to respond, HA, ask me if I ever got back to him? Keep it simple.

Snooping around: Oh man, i can write a book on this one. Ladies, if you put your nose where it doesn't belong you will either find something you dont like, or you will mess w.e. you have going. And if you are my girlfriend, I'll be the first one to say "you set yourself up for it". Guys are nosey too (I know this) (you know this), but they are usually covert about it. Curiosity is a human emotion, just don't let it drive you.

Okay, don't take my 2 cents if you don't want. We all have different dating profiles and standards... but I know what I know, which is why I do what I want and say what I feel...


Hope that clears it up!!

Fan Star

p.s. on a more personal note! I did a website! for my class... check it out. If you don't have windows vista it wont look right (sorry!) but still... pretty exciting: http://thefix09.weebly.com/home.html

learning...

I was supposed to go to Binghamton this weekend... lets just say it didn't happen.. even though I tried.
Congrats to the two newest sisters @ Bingo Hermana Aislinn & Hermana Invierno... Those were like my god children... Yes I love my org... shoot me. Since I was no longer in upstate mode, due to the difficulties, I went into NYC mode.

So I spent Friday night with my MJ Yuvs. Fun times, we discussed a lot of things, but the most fun was wing men and how to pick up people at bars. That was simply hysterical. Then a group of 5 other females and about 4 males joined our party and it was to say the least a sexually charged conversation... involving hand gestures and surprisingly enough, the men were giggling like little girls that just found out what a training bra was.

Saturday was the continuation to the whole pick up artist ordeal, and really its not that difficult. You just have to learn to take the wins with the loses. Prepare yourself for rejection and continue like nothing happened. Sounds simple enough right?
I was actually excited about watching the fight between Pac man and De la Pot and I was all for the Filipino guy... well me and Yuvs, against her family. All 20 of them. Haha that was dope, I love cheering for the underdog. We were being instigators the whole time, and when Pac won... it was a wrap. The merengue tipico was blaring through the speakers and the smell of pastelitos filled the air. Not to mention the ridiculous amount of coronas that were popped opened around the room. It felt SO GOOD to be around mi gente. Humble & happy. I was truly happy.
The night ended with a curve ball... I'm still asking WTF. But again, you take the wins with the loses. KEY.WORDS.

I read this article on ELLE about Candice Bushnell the author of Sex and the City and Lipstick Jungle, and I'm simply inspired. I'm going to give journalism and writing a shot... I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Those who think writing is not a science... well you have another thing coming.

Okay I'm off to bed, I feel like I got into a ninja fight and lost...

Fan Star

Listen to: Musiq's new Cd is dope... specially "ifuleave" with mary J.

work it out...

So I went to the gym and since I have no ipod (shout out to whoever stole my ipod, I hope that sht freezes and can't be fixed...yes I miss my baby)... they were giving VH1 Best Hip-hop songs of all time... and guess who was number 43? my wedding song... Just had to share.
If I can find a guy that's down with this I'm set.

Okay so I had this random convo with one of my guy friends about titles and relationships, and hes like that titles are not needed and that females just want it for security "women and their damn security"--- well I'm sorry! you want all the perks and not the commitment. I swear this is why women either go psycho or lesbian. Commitment is no longer sacred. Ugh.

FanStar

I'm a lover not a fighter...

Sex is overrated and underrated
Over the sheets or under the sheets
Sex can be good or it can be bad
Good all the time or bad just that once

Sex is exciting and nerve wrecking
Can it lead to a steady something...
or will the something lead to nothing...
Words...Words...Words... Spilling...Splashing...Clashing

Desire...want...need...intense...instinct
TOUCH
on-going...eventful...spontaneous...shaky...in sync
TOUCH
meaningful...powerful...crazy...passionate...
TOUCH
anxious...unaware...incredible
TOUCH
blissful...tease...bite...unforgettable
touch...touch...touch...
exhale... inhale...
TOUCH

FanStar

*If a man can learn to appreciate a woman as he does good sex, things would be different*

Crazy child...

Going to the gym put me in the most amazing mood... there is nothing like some good cardio to get you in the right state of mind...

So I watched 13 going on 30 (chick flick alert) and it made me feel super mushy... specially the soundtrack... wouldn't it be dope if fairy tales really happened? haha a girl can dream of prince charming right? Two of my favorite songs though in the whole movie:

Billy Joe- Vienna... Oh man this just made me think to myself, Gosh I really need to stop stressing and just let my life unravel on its own. Something will happen, sooner or later.
"Dream on... but don't imagine they'll all come true"

Liz Phair- Why Can't I?... makes me think of when I was 14 and I had my first kiss in DR in front of my tias house... It was only a tap but I ran inside the house and slid down the door onto the floor perplexed and almost hyperventilating from being so excited that a guy had kissed me... yea, I'm still a dork trust me.

And since I'm sharing songs... I'm all about Rachel Yamagata right now:
Sidedish friend- I think girls are catching on to what guys have been mastering since the stone age (I'm pretty sure of this)
Be Be your love- low tones, mellow song... almost depressing but that simple piano in the back is just breath taking... and I love it when something simple takes my breath away.

Lil Wayne- comfortable... all women need to learn this... but always throw caution to the wind.

Okay! back to writing my screenplay... Look @ me becoming a starving artist...