It's now or never

I read somewhere you should do something that scares the sht out of you every day. I suppose in simple terms that means to take a risk. Risks are tricky, there is no real grey area with them. Either you land on your feet or your ass. However yesterday I did something completely spontaneous --in the sense that I didn't think I'd actually go through with it. I'm all for living in the moment and making a memory, but this wasn't the type of thing to just do casually on a rainy Sunday evening.

For years I've been back and forth on the idea of getting some ink on my body. Never did I like something long enough that I felt I could live with it for the rest of my life. A tattoo is an extension of your being, and it should really say something about you. Which is why I had not taken the plunge. But lately with all the things swirling around my existence, with me continuing to create myself, to DEFINE myself--- I started to really think about what I'd like. And interestingly enough, it was always in front of me. My mantra.

So, Sunday evening my best friend since I was 14 years old, takes a random/not so random trip with me to this Tattoo Shop in Brooklyn. As soon as I step off the train, I feel like I am home. I'm not sure why I always feel like I am home when I'm in Brooklyn. But it was a good feeling---Something was in the air. I had been told about Mistah Metro through a previous conversation and decided to follow up with him after researching his art (the power of google I tell ya). I expected a rude nonchalant artist annoyed at my half nervous/half bubbly personality. And here I found a laid back, welcoming being. Awesometastic? Without a doubt. The shop was spotless, the fellows that work there were amazing to talk to and eased the anticipation. This was already turning out to be the opposite of what I expected.

The best part of the whole thing was that I was with Daisy. She kept me busy with talk while Metro went ahead and worked his magic. She held my hand while I absorbed the ink from his pen.

The result: A very happy red head with a word that will take her through life and back. My tat says Maktub in arabic: Meaning ::It is written:: For those of you familiar with The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho that is where I got it from. I believe in destiny, in fate. In the soul of the universe conspiring in my favor. I believe that I have many roads ahead of me and that the one's I choose to set foot on will be simply unforgettable

Like a Phoenix I rise. An old gypsy soul, with a three year olds spirit.

MisUnderstood

Shop Info:

Jaz Tattoo

Mistah Metro

Dear Summer

I happen to have high expectations of you this year...

I expect you to be unforgettable...

To remind me every day why Today is the best day to live

To keep my mind full of ideas and thought bubbles

To make my eyes wander across an infinite pasture of men

To give me reason for laughter and new catch phrases

To sweep me off my feet and make me stare at the sky, even if stars are missing...

I expect you to show me a little bit more of my journey on this Earth...

To introduce me to new friends, and re-introduce me to old ones

To expose me to new sounds, tastes, smells and visuals

To give me butterflies at the thought of it all

To provide me an array of platforms where my expressive style can be shared w the world

To move, shake, and build me up and down

Dear Summer,

I expect you to BE. Just Be.

Como una estrella fugaz.

MisUnderstood.

Memories (200th Blog!)

Dear universe,

You are just taking me on a ride... and I better learn to be okay with it. Go on.

Last Thursday it was my line sisters and I 4th year anniversary in our sorority. It was also the day before her 24th bday, so as you can see we had a lot to celebrate. Her brother got us tickets to an off Broadway show called 'Love, Loss and What I Wore'. The show got me thinking about what it means to be a female, how items can take us on this time travel joy ride and how they affect our present and our future. Like a dress you might have worn on your first date with the man you fell in love with, or a ring that belonged to your grandmother and it's the only piece of anything that connects you to her.

I speak for myself when I say that I may be able to throw many things out, but some things I just can't let go of. Not because I still wear them or use them, but because like old diaries and pictures they hold sentimental value. They tell a story.

200th blog entry. That's pretty big, haha for me at least. I feel like it comes at a perfect time since so much is going on outside and within me. I have shared my current career development, the growth of my friendships and most recent the emotional curve ball that was thrown at me. But like pledging four years ago as a 19 year old kid (because I was a kid), this too shall pass.

It occurred to me this morning how annoying it is going to be to start the dating process again once I'm ready for it. When you go out with someone its like taking a class, you learn all this information--sometimes you get a headache from it-- and when things are over its like having a plethora of books you used for the coarse laying around. Now you have all this knowledge and nothing to do with it.

Well, I suppose it prepares you for the next--or hopefully the last. Regardless, I was hoping that I could put the jersey- or the stilettos- away for a while. And yet that is not the case.

I just have to share that when you are moving forward things will happen a long the way that will try to distract you, that's just the universe testing you. Like folding your sheets and a letter once written with love falling out of your covers-- yes, that happened. Where the letter came from, I have no idea. But the point is, take it for what it is. A test. Fold the sheets, put the letter away. And learn to be okay with it.

Life. Now that's the ultimate coarse.

Oh the places we'll go....

Today was my first official day with the New York International Latino Film Festival. I embodied Ms. Carrie Bradshaw, wore my heels, carried my mac and that's where the glamour ended... heels in Soho are just not a good mix. The cobble stone is not a heel wearers friend, and the mac, plus the weight of the rest of my body didn't help either. However, like the true fantabulous female that I am-- I kept it moving. Head high, smile wide.

I love the location of the office, can't wait for it to be warmer to walk around after work. Will visit De La Vega's store more often, perhaps he grunts less and says more. Perhaps.

I got to join in on the walk through for two of the theaters we will use for the festival. I fell in love with the SVA theater (which I didn't even know existed). I look forward to the hectic days. (Watch me blog about the craziness later and how I need to remind myself to breath). But busy is good, especially now.

The vibe of the women I will be working with seems just right. I get the feeling I will learn a lot from them, and not just about my next career moves, but about life in general.

The ironic thing about this next move in my life, is that last year I went to see this amazing film called Please Don't Let Me Drown, at their annual Dominican night-- and I fell in love with the whole event. I thought to myself, I have to work for these people. Some how. Some way... and here I am.

Ah how time passes. This is my 199th blog entry! I know my last few entries have been very sad. But I believe in shedding things away, and the easiest way to throw it out into the universe is on this screen. A huge thank you to all my girls who have been keeping me sane, listening to me be a girl. Now that I got a taste of love, I look forward to having it again. Hopefully it stays around. Period. Perhaps.

So on a happy note, brighter days are ahead. I feel it in the wind.

Phoenix Rise

::Men themselves have wondered::

::what they see in me::

::they try so much::

::but they can't touch::

::my inner mystery::

::When I try to show them::

::they say they still can't see::

::I say::

::It's in the arch of my back::

::The sun of my smile::

::The ride of my breasts::

::The grace of my style::

I am a woman. Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me.

Fast forward

Everything reminds me of something else

everything is everything

I'd like to skip the tears and moping

the one song on repeat

the staring at pictures, the playing of videos

I'd like to skip the part where I relapse

the part where I stare at my phone and debate touching base

the part where I secretly hope this is an April fools joke gone bad

the part where all I can write about is this

the part where I cry in silence while my soul screams

But my fast forward button is broken

it only wants to rewind, pause or play

So even though I rewind for a few minutes,

I gotta remind myself that Tomorrow is a new day.

Maktub

MisUnderstood

"I saw a boy that looked like you, I didn't know what to do, it took power will to break my stare, I realized what I wanted wasn't there" Adele

I'm a little jealous of time...

The hardest part of getting over someone is when night hits and you are laying in bed waiting to fall asleep. I say this because this is probably the only time during your day you are left alone to be with your thoughts, in silence.

I'm a little jealous of time because it holds all the secrets to the future. But I bet if given the opportunity to see a glimpse of whats to come in my life I wouldn't look. The truth is, all you have to do is surround yourself with people who love you and remind you just how fantastic you are. And all will be ALRIGHT.

Life happens. Don't get too caught up. Shake it off.

MisUnderstood

Summer 2010 will be one for the book.

Potion of Emotions

My heart feels betrayed

I must've missed my train,

because this one seems delayed.

My woman's intuition winning by default

striking quick like Zeus' thunderbolt

Steady steering turned into a crash

I don't mean to sound dramatic

or rather just too harsh

But any other chick woulda been out in a dash

Quicker than lightning flash.

A million pieces shattered on the floor

most still there... outside that locked door

Time traveling between what was, what used to be, and what it is

a thief of the best kind

stealing your first kiss

and then you stole my mind

leaving my heart defenseless...

how could jaded me be so careless.

And so here I am

back at square one

waiting for step two

One day a memory to you I'll be too.

My heart feels betrayed

and I'm the one to blame

This moment was like water and a flame.

((MisUnderstood))

The quickest way to get over hurt, is by letting it bleed out. (Figuratively that is)

The Conversations we don't want to have

My birthday is right around the corner! You know how I know I'm getting old?

No, its not because loud High School students annoy me when I'm on the train, or because me and my girlfriends are okay with talking about our future kin. It is because life is putting me at the forefront of confrontation. And I don't mean the physical type where a picture of me with a busted lip might show up on FB, I mean the type of confrontation where you have to have a conversation with someone you love (friend or lover) that brings the "bad" traits of your personality to the surface. Traits that although you may secretly recognize, are blatantly being pointed out by those who matter most in your life.

I hate confrontation. Let me clear that up, I hate confrontation with the people that I love. A stranger, or co-worker I can deal with. But someone whom I love, I turn into pudding masked by my defense mechanism: defensive, shelled up, offended.

I wish I didn't get defensive, but as much as I try it is a trait that just doesn't seem to go away. I say a few words, if at all, and go back into my shell. This of course may come off as standoff-ish. But is not. See, for me to really go through with confrontation I have to go through this whole mental process where I debate with myself the conversation. I dissect it from every angle, and then come back out; clear headed a little less hurt.

The truth is, and I'm sure this was no secret, I am very sensitive. And it scares me when an important relationship is being threatened by any confrontation. Ever since I came to this country I noticed how much I feared the above. I noticed because every time my cousin (who is seven months older than I) got into an argument with me I would be the one to try and make up and apologize. Even though 90% of the time it wasn't my fault.

Although apologizing might be a little harder for me now, if I have my fault in something I will say it. After all, pride is the killer of all-- Especially love.

I don't want my own psychosis to get the best of me, for it to ruin the relationships (of friends and lovers) that I'm working so hard on maintaining.

I recognize my imperfections, and hope that those closest to me have the patience to work with me through this thing called growth. After all, I can only meet people half way.

I can accept that Life will continue to be a roller coaster, I just don't want to be on the ride alone.

MisUnderstood

"When Love Rules Power Disappears. When Power Rules Love Disappears."-PC