Unconventionally Sweet

I'm always trying to figure out how I could reinvent myself. A classic version of myself with a twist. A twist of lime with sugar on the side... hmm.

What do I want to be? Where do I want to be? Who do I want to be?

I honestly don't know yet. As I'm starting to build this thing to define it would be difficult and quite impossible.

Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to figure ourselves out that we forget to just live. In the now.

So last night, after some comfort food and prior to an inspiring conversation with an amazing man

I decided to ink a reminder on myself. An ideal of mine and a motto I don't want to ever forget.

I don't want to ever limit myself.

Or to live by other peoples rules (and I mean social rules) or standards.

What my closets friends might find risque or wild or ridiculously unconventional, I may see as normal.

I want to expose myself like undeveloped film, and see where life takes me.

Who knows, I might end up in the suburbs making cookies for my kids soccer team (yum!)

OR

I might end up traveling the world, and living off my backpack for the next 10 years.

Whatever it is I end up doing, where ever this thing takes me... I want to always remember to

DREAM BIG

The heart at the end symbolizes something bigger than just a cute symbol.

But lets just say they follow me, and are truly an omen whenever I'm doubting my place in this universe.

To the person who held my hand, and shared part of their journey with me. Thank you. There are two types of people in this world, the one's who overcome adversity and the one's who give up because of a cloudy day. Sometimes we are at the right place, at the right time. Sometimes it is what it is.

MisUnderstood

Dedicated to: Unconventionally Sweet

words

I love it when you're dating someone and they say all the right things, do all the right things, make you feel all the right things... got you calling friends to brag about the kiss, got you running around looking for the perfect outfit, got you wondering what is next... got you... got you... rewind.

Lets go back to the "say all the right things" part. I know we have no control over the future, or the way things end or the relationships that turn into friendships... but we do have control over our words. Why would you say things and then go back on your words. I like staying friends with those who were special to me at some point in time... and I'm learning that this can't always be the case. I just wish men would be more receptive and conscious of their words... words...that got you... got you... got you...

rewind.

Whether you like it or not, you are now part of my history...I'm my own narrator.

MisUnderstood. Recalling my past, so that I don't trip over the same stone twice in my present...

Pregnant...

The anticipation of my future is making me so anxious you'd think I'm going to give birth... I guess that's the irony since I'm pregnant with thought... but isn't that always the damn case? Hmmm.

So what is next? I'm border line contemplating buying a one way ticket to some place and just taking it from there, but then I think of the fact that this only works out for young pretty girls in movies. And although sometimes I swear I'm in a show (a la 'The Truman Show') I know it wouldn't be as easy nor as fun as that girl had it from Coyote Ugly...

Is not that I'm not willing to take the necessary risks, I'd love to move somewhere for a year and live an experience (like my girl Jmo) but I'm just trying to be logical. I picked up this logical thing at the beginning of this year when I realized I was quick to make executive decisions and then they would wait for me in that dark alley and kick my ass. And there is no sense in being jumped... ya'na'mean!?

I guess I just get really impatient with myself and where I think I should be at this moment in my life. I know I'm blessed and can't complain---so I am not.

I'm just experiencing some major contractions... so bare with me as I give birth to this thing called life.

((smile, its contagious))

MisUnderstood

My senses don't lie...

I'm in a transitional stage of life... I feel as if I'm running in place and someone is holding me by the back of my shirt, teasing me. I'm just waiting for fate to let me go so I can move forward with destiny.

The things I want are so close I can smell them. At the end of last year Love was on my mind 24/7, now its my career and my dreams of that apt. I can see my king size bed with white sheets and a million pillows waiting for me at night, I can see my wall of inspiration painted by one of my friends ready for my viewing pleasure every day I awake. I can smell the sweet scent of my sazon on the frying pan as I cook for my dinner party... I envision 10 candles lit around me as I take a bubble bath, drink a glass of red wine and listen to the soothing voice of Maxwell.

I hear my my phone ring at my desk and the sound of my voice answering, I see my De La Vega mug that reads "BECOME YOUR DREAM" steaming with my morning green tea. I can feel the keys of my mac underneath my finger tips as I come up with something creative... and if my creativity is lacking I can look up and see the photographs of my parents and friends smiling at me encouraging me to keep going...

If wants and needs self manifest, then let the visions of my very near future come true. Stability, liberty and the continuation of my #1 goal in life: HAPPINESS.

To that higher being, all I ask if for guidance.

Like a Phoenix I risse...

Utterly Surreal...

It was March, and I was having an anxiety attack at the thought of not knowing what was going to happen next in my life. My time at People en Espanol had come to an end and Univision had not called me back--after two interviews-- so my head was spinning, you would have thought I had a hang over.

And then I get an email back from Ms. Gardner telling me there might be a position for me at the NYILFF, except the decision was up to the new Managing Director- Ms. Bravo. I was nervous --not going to lie, after all I had done my research and Ms. Bravo's resume was more than impressive. But when things are meant to be the road magically opens, and here I am ready to share with you my experience with the NYILFF.

From the beginning I knew it would be an amazing experience, my first conversations with Liz & Tanya were filled with laughter and story telling. One by one the staff walked into our cubicle space, and one by one I fell in love with their personalities and welcoming auras. I knew I was not just another employee, I new I was part of a team... and now I know I was actually part of a family.

From Tanya's requests at 90 mph (which I caught by the way, I'm amazing at multi-tasking), to my on going wit battle with Juan, there was never---and I mean never a dull moment in that office.

I had Aneudy to beat up (I know you loved it amiguito), Calixto to walk in and say something fabulous, Carmen to share her goodies (and by that I mean the tons of food/candy she brought in... I declined but maybe I shouldn't have haha), Sonia to steal my desk when I had just gone to the bathroom, Lyndon to tell me "you don't have to worry about that, I got this" (and he did), and Liz to be the encourager-- never did I go home without her saying " Thank you!" or "Great job you rock!"

Where else do you get such amazing support and love and honesty? Only at NYILFF.

The Festival came and went and I'm going through major withdrawal. I miss waking up to Carmen's laugh and Tanya's "GIRLS GIRLS WE HAVE A CALL WAKE UP!"... to Aneudy's "Yall want breakfast?" and Liz's "You guys are killing me over here..." when we were running late (SORRY!)... I'm missing April from SKA telling me exactly where whatever was when I called her asking for xyz (you're beyond amazing)...I'm missing Jessica's & Oscar's excitement to be interviewing people (thumbs up to you two), Sasha's magical fingers taking pictures and uploading them on to our Twitter for the followers to see...I'm missing the gazillion flashes from the gazillion photos we took on the green/red carpet, The Cell-- where during the day we were printing lists like mad women and at night we were down stairs talking up a storm and sharing stories. I miss the fact that we had no idea of time, and yet we were looking forward to the next day.

Every day ran as smooth as a river, every day the after parties were beautiful and well executed, every day I saw my family with a smile on their face-- no matter how much running around they had done since the morning.

I am beyond thankful to have met, worked and grown with such an awesome group of individuals who just wanted one thing: An unforgettable festival.

And you know what, from the way I'm feeling right now, I say mission accomplished.

Until next year.

Loving the NYILFF Team of 2010.

Como una estrella fugaz...

FanStar