Inspiration...

I've been lacking motivation/inspiration for the next chapter of my life
Ironically enough for my writing.
I was given :Assata an autobiography: as a xmas gift
and it is probably one of the best gifts I've gotten.
I'm only up to page 31 but I can already call her my hero.

She actually inspired me to start a new journal..
Pen in hand, paper ready to be filled.

Ah what a decade this has been... I wonder how the next one will bring.

FanStar

Joyful...

Merry Xmas to you and yours.

Smile. Eat. Reminisce.

But most of all...

KEEP IT LIGHT.

Live.Love.Laugh.

MisUnderstood.

My Theraphy...

I’m going to start off by saying SMFH ::and breath::
I find myself at the forefront of a situation that shouldn't’t be a situation, but is a situation SIMPLY BECAUSE I made a poor choice over the summer. Not everything that glitters is gold my friends. Lesson learned.

And so here I am, torn really. Why? Because the mature MisUnderstood that rose like a phoenix back in 07’ wants to take the high road. And on behalf of that side of me I write:

I don’t have time for drama. The last time I dealt with it I was still and undergrad with my heart on my sleeves, blinded by what I thought was love. Life is made complicated by individuals that don’t have much significance in their daily routines. So when one small thing presents itself they rather magnify it by a million so that others that DO have things going on in their lives turn around and say “oh poor you”. I learned in 07’ that when you make yourself out to be the victim all the time, people start to get tired of it. And so, as I’ve mentioned before: Drama likes company; and I’m just not taking that empty seat on the couch. If I feed into drama I lose focus of my happiness. And after years of looking for it, I refuse to give it up so easily. With that said I’ll turn the other cheek and follow the yellow brick road.

However, it really isn’t fair to let one side speak and the other hush, and so the 12 year old that got bullied for not speaking English well and for wearing high water windbreakers—whom also had to learn to reinvent herself and be a little tougher so that people didn’t chop her down with words would like to say:

I truly dislike people that act like a little btch. Especially men. I hate it when I am genuinely speaking to someone about a touchy issue in a politically correct matter and they go running with scissors. Blow it up and make posters out of it with my face and a HERE’S THE BTCH sign under it. Makes me scratch my hair and turn my head side ways. Really? Did that just happen? ::Looks around the room:: What adds fuel to the fire is when friends get involved. I happen to have a group of friends that won’t get involved unless you tap the mat and ask for a life saver—we try to fight our own battles first and then proceed. Never have I sent a friend of mine to attack someone else say… on their facebook wall..because really--- how immature is that? SMFH.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And so… If you mix some of MisUnderstood 07 + Young bullied girl+ 2010 on the horizon you get:

Why did I give this so much importancia? 1. Because I am human 2. Because I am a female and 3. Because when I am feeling any type of way I like to let it out through writing. So that when and if I feel this way again I can back track-read-and move on. Writing is extremely therapeutic for me, its better than pair of ears since it’s as if you’re talking to yourself (and sometimes you’re the only person who understands). And so in the battle of taking the high road vs. letting the bitch be unleashed—the high road wins. I was upset for the 30 seconds it took me to write the paragraph above, and not just because of the ignorant bs which was at the forefront of it all- but rather at the fact that I felt bad/guilty for the situation… mean while that empathy was not even necessary nor deserved. And now all that energy is gone, sent back into the universe….hopefully it doesn’t land in anyone’s mouth.

See, the thing is I can’t let my feelings be bottled up—especially when I know how it feels to be on an emotional ride by myself (toots the horn). I think Diddy had it right when he coined “NO BITCHASSNESS”--- someone should bring that back. Age isn’t a state of mind, it doesn’t determine maturity, but it sure looks bad when you’re old and acting like a child. Lesson learned.

Live. Laugh. Love--- and GROW.

FanStar

Like a Pheonix. I rise. 2010.

The Spirit of Xmas...

Oh the holidays, season’s greetings to you all shala bumchakalaka… J

In the midst of the revival of retail due to all the last minute shopping --when do you actually stop and think whether or not the things you are buying for your loved ones are necessary or simply gifts for the heck of having something to give when they hand you a wrapped box?

Money is still scarce and buying “whatever” just because, just doesn’t cut it. Maybe I’m a tad more conscious of this because I try to give thoughtful gifts. Or maybe this is what most people lack when giving gifts—THOUGHT.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but what is the point of giving someone a 55 inch television when they already own three other large television sets? I just find it pointless. And I understand that if you could afford to give something this extravagant then who I’m I to judge? However what does that say about the gift giver? Hmmm….

Moving on to my next issue with gift giving: Parents who give their spoiled/rude children gifts that 1. They don’t deserve and 2. Are simply ridiculous for their age group.

((Do I have children? No I don’t. Do I have an opinion? Yes I do…))

I’m speaking from a personal experience. But let me go a little deeper as to why giving ridiculous gifts to children bothers me. Often times parents (that I know) complain that their child acts like a grown up instead of their age. That their child doesn’t listen, or respect elders. That their child isn’t doing well in their classes. Wa.Wa.Wa.

Then! Xmas rolls around or Los tres reyes, and they go and buy their 10 year old spoiled daughter a digital cam worth 150 bucks. Or! Their rude 12 year old an 8G IPod. REALLY?!

----------------------------------------------REALLY????----------------------------------------------

This is when I SHAKE MY HEAD Vigorously. How do you expect your child to behave and act their age, when you are rewarding their poor behavior with a 200 dollar iPod. Behavior is taught. A 10 year old does not need a digital cam, not unless you are sending her over seas on a trip she won through a scholarship. What does this teach to the child? Hmmm… But I digress. Maybe I am just bitter because I didn’t get an iPod until the age of 22, and a digital cam at the age of 23. Then again I was perfectly happy with a Barbie at age 10 and with the hello kitty stickers my cousins bought me (which lasted me a whole semester at school).

I can understand that as a parent you want to give your child things you probably didn’t have growing up. But I think there is something to be learned from the “simple” gifts that once were given--- they made you appreciative of the little that you had and taught you that Xmas is not about gifts-- it’s about spending time with people that make you happy. Whether that’s family, friends or at a soup kitchen (<-- now that’s nice!). I can also understand that children can’t understand the above, because they are CHILDREN. But it is really up to the parent to teach them this along the way. Like many of my friends, I didn’t have much growing up and when I did receive something I cherished it. This has transcended into the way I am today as a grown woman. Except of course when the gift is something like a plant--- hahaha (or is it ho ho ho?).Just some humor!

Parents--- if your child deserves it and you can afford it then go for it, you have my blessing. But if your child doesn’t, don’t complain two months later when they want a Mac. That’s yo’ fault homie.

Grownups- if you can’t afford a gift don’t go on a scavenger hunt for coins or worse into more debt. No one ever died of not receiving a xmas gift. But that doesn’t mean you can’t join in the festivities, do a potluck (like my friends and I have/will do). Make a card from scratch—still a good look for the fridge. Or simply, HUG THAT ISH OUT. People know the deal, unless you’re living under a rock--- you know we are in a recession.

So why do I give a gift? Because I like to see the look on the persons face when they open it. Now that right there, is priceless joy!

Be conscious. Be thoughtful.

FanStar---ReInventing MySelf.

It feels good to be happy...

I strongly believe that drama attracts drama. When you like drama you attract it, or find a way to meet it somewhere... Some females need drama (some males too)--- and when they start a new relationship they try to find a little bit of drama someway or the other to "spice it up", because if the drama is lacking then there MUST be something wrong with the relationship... this is where I say -- WOMP.

To have no drama, to not stress small stupid insignificant things--- that's a relationship. That's why I admire women like my girl Dari who doesn't stress the small bs that could turn into a mountain... and for what? What is the point of wasting all that energy when you could have been focusing on good things. Ah smh.

And I'm not talking about this because it has anything to do with my current relationship--- I'm just re evaluating all my love encounters from this year and seeing how much I have grown. And trust me, it has been A LOT.

So I was in Miami for a couple of days! how fan-tas-tic! I needed some warm heat on my skin. It was great! A lot of random encounters and adventures with people. Got to see a different side of my friends, always good---makes the friendship grow a little tighter. Also saw some from friends from CR! Awesome times. I love reconnecting with people. My alter ego ::Aeesha:: came out to play. I suggest you all let your alter ego come out for a little, its liberating to say the least. I'll give you a small recap: Love n Hate with a pole, hanging at the barber shop, free drinks @ Mangos, desperate measures for a tan... and yea... lets leave it at that. :D

Xmas is a week away, and I am actually excited. I get to see some of my family members and that means (as all Dominican families) a lot of stories about when my cousins and I were little-- In other words: Fanny you were such a little bad ass, always stealing your cousins biberon (thats milk btw)... SMH. I was a little bad ass. Or maybe that was Aeesha coming to play! haha the world will never know. Plus my cousin lived in NYC, she could afford to miss a couple of feedings... right?! :D

I have major plans for 2010... lets keep hope and faith alive.

Much Love.

FanStar

Feeling some type of way...

Raining like crazy last night. Got my moccasins soaking wet, and woke up feeling extra stuffy... had to catch myself from falling asleep in the shower, and def had a hard time putting on my leggings... not to mention the extra sneezes and coughs on the train (shout out to the rude lady that stole my seat, even THAT didn't make you smile...smh). Ever had one of these mornings? Wondering why you were outside when you could have been in bed? That was me for a split second, and then I remembered. (Mushy Alert)

I'm seeing this amazing human being. I have to brag. Coming from two years of a lot of random/awkward/train wreck/lying/confusing/debatable/wtf is going on in your head/ heart breaking/ annoying/ very very weird/ I'm I on punk'd?/ I want you as my girl but not with the title experiences with men, I am simply BAFFLED and in the utmost awe stage of my current life. So this is why I am constantly putting happy go lucky statuses on FB and why you can catch me on the train with a big grin on my face... I just can't help it. I'm happy. So fellow readers, enjoy me while I am basically perspiring flowers and rainbows-------insert big heart here.

Its so ironic when you are single you see these couples and you're like ugh get a room while secretly hoping you meet someone you can do the same with, ha. What is even more interesting is the phenomenon I am going through where if one more guy hits me up about hanging out or going on a date I might just have to write a chapter about it on my book-------seriously. But I'm highly flattered. I guess it goes with that universal rule you want what you can't have? hmmm. Well I wouldn't trade my happiness for a glass of wine and some cheap laughs, no sir. The truth is I THINK I actually met someone who is willing to be brutally honest and is reminding me that its okay to dream a little while keeping your feet grounded (<--- isnt that the point of being alive?)

hmmm...

On other news:

Thanksgiving Wknd was quite the spectacle. I managed to see friends I had not seen in months, spend time with the girls whom I love (Lari D, Zu,Yani,Luz), eat a little (crazy i know) and AND ladies and gents fall down a flight of stairs! I'm sure Jlo's and Lady Gaga's falls were more memorable but I bet mine hurt more...ah. Life. I also got SUPER SICK--- shout out to the worlds best mom! who took care of me. I hope I'm half as good a mother as this lady. <3

I have one last trip coming up with my ladies and I am ecstatic... closing 2009 with a bang. This was a year of so many things for me, and I'll write about it as 2010 gets closer........

::If you tune your antenna towards whats possible (instead of whats not) you'll see avenues of opportunities staring you right in the face::

FanStar

You could never say enough...

IM THANKFUL THAT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO KEEP MY BEST FRIEND DAISY FOR ALMOST 10 YEARS THROUGH THE GOOD AND THE BAD... ROUGH PATCHES AND THE WALKS ON THE PARK... I HOPE THAT IT NEVER STOPS... THE FRIENDSHIP THAT IS. IM THANKFUL THAT I AM YOUNG ENOUGH TO STILL HAVE TIME TO WORK ON THE RELATIONSHIPS THAT TRULY MATTER, LIKE THE ONE WITH MY MOTHER... I TOOK HER ON A DATE TODAY AND SHE WAS SIMPLY HAPPY, HER HAPPINESS SPREAD ALL OVER MY SOUL.. I KNOW NOW MORE THAN EVER THAT YOU COULD NEVER SAY I LOVE YOU TOO MANY TIMES, OR GIVE TOO MANY HUGS OR KISSES ::THAT'S WHAT MATTERS::...IM THANKFUL THAT I AM ABLE TO BE ROMANTICALLY ATTACHED AND BOUNCE BACK QUICKLY WHEN IT DOESN'T WORK OUT, I SWEAR ITS A GIFT AND I OWE IT TO WRITING... IM THANKFUL FOR NOT LOSING HOPE IN THINGS THAT ARE ALWAYS QUESTIONED, LIKE LOVE AND FAITH AND THE KINDNESS OF RANDOM STRANGERS... IM THANKFUL THAT SO MANY FEMALES THINK HIGHLY ENOUGH OF ME THAT THEY REACH OUT TO ME WHEN THEY NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN AND GIVE THEM ADVICE <--- WOW. IM THANKFUL THAT I KNOW I HAVE CHANGED PEOPLES LIVES ::SMALL OR LARGE:: FAN STAR. 21 ::THE AMOUNT OF DAYS IVE HAD A SMILE PLASTERED ON MY FACE::A CHANGE IN ROMANCE A CHANGE OF THOUGHT A CHANGE OF ME::

random gibberish

I'M SO EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW AND ITS ALMOST AS IF I'M HAVING AN OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. EVER FEEL LIKE THAT? WHERE YOU TELL YOURSELF "WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?"......AH, THAT FEELING. MAYBE ITS BECAUSE I'M WATCHING THE NOTE BOOK (FOR THE 100TH TIME) OR MAYBE ITS BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO FILL IN ALL THE BLANKS BEFORE THE 0'S TURN INTO 10S.....WONDERING IF I'M MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICES OR IF I'M SETTING MYSELF UP FOR THE WRONGS, FOR THE SMH'S AND THE "I HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO" MOMENTS...WONDERING IF I SHOULD DISREGARD ALL THAT MY FRIENDS FROWN UPON AND JUST KEEP IT MOVING...WONDERING WHEN IT WILL BE...I ALWAYS SAY THINGS WILL COME WHEN THE ALMIGHTY ABOVE DECIDES YOU'RE READY FOR IT, BUT SOMETIMES I FEEL EXHAUSTED... WISH I COULD JUST CLOSE MY EYES AND TUNE IT ALL OUT, HAVE A BLANK CANVAS AND PAINT AWAY MY WORLD (SOMETHING LIKE FROM WHAT DREAMS MAY COME)....THIS IS ALL RANDOM GIBBERISH COMING FROM A WELL OF POST-IT THOUGHTS....

I'M SO EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW....AND JUST WANTED TO SHARE IT.


GNITE.

I'm that Bish...

I JUST SAW THE GROUP CHAMBAO AND WHAT DO I DO!? I STOP AND STARE (INSERT SONG BY NEW REPUBLIC INTO BACKGROUND) I SERIOUSLY COULD NOT SPEAK... LIKE MY VOICE BOX WAS SUDDENLY ON MUTE... BUMMER, IF I COULD KICK MYSELF IN THE SHINS I WOULD. I LOVE THIS GROUP, AND NOT JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE FROM SPAIN. IN CASE YOU ARE LOST AND DON'T KNOW WHO I AM TALKING ABOUT, THE MAIN SINGER COLLABORATED WITH RICKY MARTIN ON "TU RECUERDO"...... SEE BELOW FOR ANOTHER OF MY FAV SONGS FROM CHAMBAO "DEJAME VIVIR" WHICH HAS AMAZING LYRICS (IT TALKS ABOUT LETTING PEOPLE LIVE IN THEIR OWN WAY, LETTING YOURSELF BECOME YOU AGAIN AND THEM DOING THE SAME)

... BUT ISN'T THAT FUNNY? I'VE BEEN AROUND BIGGER STARS AND I'M LIKE EH BLAH, MEAN WHILE I SEE THIS GROUP WHO ISN'T AS KNOWN IN THE U.S.A AND I'M REMINDING MYSELF TO BREATH... AT LEAST I GOT TO STAND NEXT TO THEM... HA HA SMALL STEPS MY FRIENDS.

CONTINUING ON THE TOPIC OF MUSIC, AS I WROTE OUT THE ADDRESSES FOR THE UPCOMING PEOPLE EN ESPANOL PREMIOS IN MIAMI, I WAS LISTENING TO LIKKEY LI AND A FELLOW CO WORKER (WHO STARTLED ME) COULDN'T BELIEVE I WAS INTO HER... HMMM. SHE ASKED WHAT ELSE I LIKED SO I SAID ::INGRID MICHAELSON, A FINE FRENZY ETC ETC:: AND SHE HAD A SMILE EAR TO EAR (CUTE)... BUT THAT GOT ME TO THINKING, THAT NOW BECAUSE WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON (MUSIC TASTE IS SO MOTIVATIONAL IN A RELATIONSHIP ISN'T?) HER AND I COULD HAVE A LITTLE SOMETHING EXTRA--PAST COWORKERS...AND THEN I GOT OFFENDED.-- WELL FOR A SPLIT SECOND--HA HA. WHY? WELL WHY WOULDN'T I LIKE LYKKEY LI? I WONDER IF I COME OFF AS THE TYPE THAT ONLY LISTENS TO AVENTURA OR BEYONCE... GRRR.

SO I ENCOURAGE YOU TO GO OUT THERE AND FIND NEW MUSIC, YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED AT THE STUFF THAT IS OUT THERE. AND DONT BE QUICK TO JUDGE THE GUY ON THE TRAIN WITH THE HUGE HEAD PHONES BECAUSE HE'S WEARING SOMETHING PUNK/EMO-- GET CLOSER HE MIGHT JUST HAVE 22 TWOS BY JAYZ PLAYING...

LIVING LIGHT AS A FEATHER WITH MY FEET STEADY ON THE GROUND... I CANT BELIEVE, COULD THIS BE TRUE ____ I FOUND? <3>
KEEP EM' GUESSING LADIES.

FANSTAR

Inhale My Full Sexuality...

Life is one big ironic scene, always on going never stopping. Funny how one could be completely devastated when a romantic encounter ends, completely missing out on the point that the universe is making. The signs were there for a while but as humans and stubborn beings that we are, you choose not to listen… fk it I can make this work (I’ll force it, even if I have to cut the pieces myself so that they fit ha..ha..ha..) So here you are, sad upset and having a hard time remembering what it was to be happy before this person existed in your life. Every where you go their name pops up, every song seems to have a line you swear was customized for this person….. and then (INSERT IRONY HERE) someone new catches your eye--- ::sigh:: maybe the universe knew what it was doing all along. Maybe your intuition should have a little more control over your heart…perhaps. Perhaps.

I always say it and continue to say it… take a risk in all, especially in romance. You can’t get caught up in the end of something (old) when the true lesson is that you need to get ready for the something (new) that is making its way to you. And I don’t mean the next person you meet will be the soul mate you were waiting for, what I do mean is that this new being you are going to cross paths with will take you one step closer to whatever it is you are looking for…….

I have a topic swirling in my head and don’t know how to put it down on paper (or blogger) just yet. But it has to do with sex and the double standards that will never go away (no, they wont). How these ideas affect Latinas (based on the ones I have held a conversation regarding the subject) and if they hinder our possibilities for a monogamous and committed relationship… something like, a man expecting a virgin (ha!), or women not being able to talk about casual sex openly not only because she will be looked down as a puta (ouch tough word, sounds so ugly doesn’t it?) by men but also by their counterparts (SMH), AND the biggest issue of all for me with this topic—is can women ever truly “act” like men? Detach themselves from all emotional aspects of being intimate and enjoy sex purely for …sex?

I’ll be writing on this soon… let me gather my thoughts.

Fan Star

::Lately I can’t stop smiling, Daydreams fill my thoughts, Sparkle in my Eyes, My soul is Dancing::

Spreading the Sunshine...

I can speed up and slow down. One minute I want to be home alone relaxed listening to some of my favorite neo soul music, and the next I can't wait to be outside living through the people around me...and so I lived.

I ventured into the LES in the company of my girl GG, the cutest shorty you will ever meet--with a heart bigger than she---of course I managed to get lost. I always get lost with GG on the train, but that's because we get so into our stories... Catching up with us is funner than any sports game--trust. The rest of my girls joined at the NuBlu lounge. I love small places, they give me an excuse to be closer to people ::lets converse:: We went to NuBlu to bask in the sound of The Crowd, the group I had previously posted up on my blog. As I sat there I thought, how dope would it be to be able to fall asleep to the live acoustic sounds of these musicians.... hmm. I think I'll try to find a dude that can serenade me to sleep... its only fair if I have to............................. ;0)

Yo Soy Latina

Random Friday! I was beat from the LES night out, but I got offered tix to a WONDERFUL one hour play called Yo Soy Latina and completely fell in love. I could relate to all the characters on that stage... I love being Latina here in the U.S. but dios mio it could be so confusing! Between pleasing my mom and figuring out what I want in life... ahy ahy ahy headache... but rewarding. The night ended at a Thai restaurant ::love love love pad Thai:: and all I gotta say is...

Unexpected Surprise
Bringing a little Sunshine to my current life
Hoping for a.... before the goodbyes
I'm cool, I'm smiling
These conversations I'll keep on mentally filing
A brand new friendship that's worth the while.
But trust it helps you got crazy style...
ha.ha.

Halloween 09!
What a fun weekend! I kept it cool and hung out with some of my favorite ladies. If I could record our conversations or the small moments ::Yani in red and heels lol:: I swear we would have fans up the wazu. I don't think the friendships I have could compare. Blessed is short but will do for lack of a better way to describe it... I was a Kitty Kat, Yani a Soldier girl, Zu a She Devil and Lari was Lady Gaga... add in a packed bar, some drinks, crazy Dominican men, and getting pulled over by the cops and you got yourself a memorable night.

I took a personality test and it says I am a Teacher Idealist. It says the following:
* Idealist women tend to be very romantic. They love to give and receive tokens of affection, such as an original poem, a hand carved box, or an item which reminds them of some shared experience.
*Idealists are the most likely of all types to resonate with the Boomer phrase, "Finding Your Passion." Idealists strive to find Meaning and Unique Identity in their lives.

I kept reading and it was so on point with my personality... almost made my mouth fall... hmm some food for thought... what type of personality do you have? and is it safe to talk politics and religion on dates?

"LOVE MUST BE LIKE SUMMER RAIN AT 6 PM... WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO BE IN LOVE?"

FANSTAR

New York State of Mind...

I just watched the Mayoral Debates and first off all, I had no idea half of this stuff was going on... I'm almost ashamed to say that I haven't kept up with what is going on in NYC.
I'm confused as to whom I should believe since politicians are usually liars or at least that has been my conclusion for the past few years. Thompson took a stab at Bloomberg every chance he got, completely missing the point of the questions that were given to him, and the answers that he did give were repeated--- I guess to make his points. They said that both these men have been working together for the past eight years, and when asked what grade they would give each other on their jobs Thompson jumped at the chance to say that Bloomberg deserved a D- (and that was him being nice), Bloomberg actually complemented Thompson... makes you wonder if he is just trying to be the bigger person or to gain some points with the public...

The reporter asked Bloomberg how he felt when people say he is out of touch with the average New Yorker since he is worth around 16 Billion dollars --- SERIOUSLY?-- he said that he actually rides the train (which last time I read was for a couple of stops and then he got out and had a private car take him to his office) and actually feels connected with the average NYorker because he started here with just a small business... Now my issue is, that's gravy and all Mr. Governor but how do you who can afford to retire tomorrow and go vacation off the coast of France relate to say the many families who are being bought out of their homes, my mom who has been here for 14 years had to sell her house because she couldn't afford it (the cost of living exceeds the amount you make), or the south and central American workers who have to wake up at the crack of dawn to make food for their home/take their kids to school/clean/and slave over jobs that pay them minimum wage or less because they are not legal immigrants here? etc etc... I'm not hatin on the guy, however dont tell me that you can RELATE to my issues or the "average" NYorkers issue because you ride the train at least five times a week for three stops... oh no sir.

This Thompson character needs to get himself in check though, don't go on national T.V. and demean your opposing party because then it makes it seem like you spend your days looking for dirt on Mr. 16 Billion Dollars instead of doing your research on what NYorkers need for the next couple of years. According to one of his commercials my boy Obama supports him, (must look into why) so... that MUST mean hes great right? (SMH) I hope people don't go out and just vote for him because they saw Obama's pearly whites on the top left hand corner of the screen... LETS DO OUR RESEARCH! Lets see where both these men stand on issues regarding jobs, education, health, safety, transit and most of all the future of NYC.


This city is extremely important to me. As someone who came here at age nine, I learned to love the cold winters and the hot summers where my cousins and I would make our way to Astoria Park Public Pool (only if 99 street pool was too packed of course). I didn't know the Heights existed until one summer in DR this random guy we called Caco de Bola said he was tough because he was from LOS HEIGHTS... a couple of years later I made my way uptown through the 1 train and fell in love with my Dominicanos all over again. This city taught me street smarts, and trust me they come in handy no matter where I've been. It gave me an opportunity to taste different cultures, to snap my fingers one night at a poetry slam and dance my life away through the rhythms of salsa the next. NYC inspires me every day to push forward and take risks, it teaches me that diversity is a precious and rare gift (I mean where else can you sit and simultaneously listen to multiple conversations in different languages but the train??)... NYC has watched me grow and I have learned to appreciate it for what it is and what it isn't. I have been lucky enough to travel to many places including large cities, and though I am the first to say that Toronto is cleaner and that Rome is breath taking, NONE and I mean NONE have compared to my never sleeping city.

So go do your research. Educate yourselves, these issues DO affect our communities, our younger cousins and siblings, our economic state, our morning commute! The most important weapon of all is to be knowledgeable and its arch nemesis ignorance would like all of us to turn the cheeck and leave it to the "Elite" group to make the decisions for the masses... but in reality it is us, MI GENTE, that make this city what it is!

Entonces! check out some sites and read up! or do it the cool way and support our news papers and magazines!

Gotham Gazette

Bloomberg

Thompson

NYTimes


Spread the Knowledge...

FanStar

What's on your Radio...

A new adventure…

Last night my girl Sasha and I joined a wonderful multi-talented duo at their radio show on urbanlatinoradio.fm

It was so dope! I’ve been on t.v. shows before and actually spoken in front of the camera and I am super awkward (deer caught in head lights). But being on the radio is completely different. I guess the fact that you are not necessarily being watched (even though they had a web cam in the room) makes it easier to “flow”. I wasn’t hosting or talking much, but I got to share my opinion on Latino in America (the small bit I saw) as well as a couple of lines here and there.

They interviewed the online editor of Latina magazine. A really dope girl, very opinionated and chill (as-hell). It is nice to always see young Latina womyn making moves in the media industry (can you tell I was inspired yet again…hehe).

Their second guest for the night was this up and coming group called “The Crowd” and when they performed I was blown away by the talent. I haven’t heard something so good coming out of a group in a really long time. The Crowd is composed of three individuals: Akil Dasan, Randy Mason, and Adeline (who is FRENCH!). I immediately had a crush on RM haha I am the biggest sucker for poets/artists--- I can’t help it. However their music is amazing, and I plan on supporting by attending their shows and spreading their name J to the masses.
I’ll let you listen for yourself and if you don’t like it, then you don’t know what good music is…

Info!
The Crowd
http://www.myspace.com/therealcrowd

check out their up coming shows in NYC, Philly & Boston.

Entonces! A huge shout out to Rachel Loca La Boca for always introducing me to new possibilities, to Mike aka Juan Bago for being so funny and welcoming and to Sashita Manita for being who you are.

Listen to their show on Thursday Nights from 7pm to 9 pm!!

Loving.Living.Laughing.

A romantic state of mind...

I know my blog seems/sounds one sided, but Id like to make a point that this isn’t a blog about one particular thing. I’m not someone who only writes about celebrities (if at all), or about the newest restaurant in town, or new music of the week… Instead, I write about my life and what affects my thoughts, my movement, my future, my present and past. And if it happens to do with music/film/men/romance/friendship/family/death then I’ll include it in my stories.

I had mentioned in a previous blog that I wanted to talk about an issue that I’ve been faced with over the course of the last years. I know I write about my dates and relationship situations a lot but it is what it is.

So my continuous issue, and the older I get the more of an issue it becomes is… drum roll…
My ideals/wants/hobbies/social life/friends/habits/education/points of views vs. a relationship.

Education:
When I was a freshman @ Marist I had un enamorado who would always say: you think you’re better than me bc you are getting an education?---yea.

Social life:
Always a topic of debate! Why do you know so many guys?! My response: I don’t know, why don’t you?... why do you always have an event or something to do? Why must you wear bright colors? Why …why…why… don’t you just live your life, and let me live mine?—yea.

Ideals:
I dont want to raise my kids with any particular religion, I believe in a balance of being strict and being liberal, if I have a girl and a boy they are both doing the same amount of anything (i.e. just bc she’s the girl does not mean she has to clean,cook,etcect). ß this is where most guys Ive dated start to raise their eyebrows.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I know that isn’t enough information for you, but I cant sit here and write out all the stories at once. My point is that, I find it to be ironic that men who begin to date me always say how interesting and “different” I am, they love that I am a.b.c.d. but a.b.c.d. are the reasons why "it" never last…--yea.

­­­­­­­­­________________________________________________________________________-

I’m not being pessimistic, I am still the helpless romantic who crosses her fingers. But I’m quickly getting tired of this "issue". Should I be less of me, and more of a stereotypical docile obedient none verbal “okay with all you do”—no te apures mi rey yo limpio, cocino, te hago de todo- type of female? why is it that wherever I turn, even within my family and friends families there lacks a balance of power? or respect for the others personality? Maybe I just happen to walk into the wrong scenarios...

At the end of every encounter con un enamorado, I evaluate my actions, my words, my way of being with this person. And I try to dissect and separate the good from the bad choices that I made through out the encounter. I guess what I mean is that I try to grow from it. Take away from it.

These past months: I learned that like pieces of a puzzle you cant force it when you are clearly not compatible. It’s almost as if a chemist mixed the wrong stuff… and didn’t get it quite right. People are who they are. My cousin told me that sometimes you just have to hope for the guy to change… I have a lot of hope but I can’t waste it on that. You think that was mean? And i dont mean to say that women dont do the same to men. I am willing to change. You just have to ask right...go about it the right way... make sense?

I wonder of the impact I made in my past lovers lives... I always do. But it can't be that bad if I'm still great friends with 3/4 of them... hmm.


Regardless of the fact
That I am who I am
Not simply exposed by the lens of your cam
I cant stop being…

I’m only 23
And although I enjoy what comes with being free
I wouldn’t mind
If
I could find
The eternal fountain of …
Love.

Maybe it doesn't exist, maybe Love is a word just made up.

Maybe one day you will stop hearing me...and start to Listen.

No more vague kisses.....

beneath the nook I'll wait...

for the Lover that will come with my next

date...oh the wonders of fate...

Fan-Dizzy

::Where the Wild Things Are::

I've been having these instances filled with anxious thoughts of what 2010 will bring, sometimes they are purely fire balls of excitement and at others they are 3000 thoughts at once about "what ifs"--- what if I don't get a masters, what if I never write something amazing, what if something happens and I'm miserable... what...if.... I stop worrying? then I might have to actually relax... ((sits back and ponders))

I need to relax (como dice Sasha)... I sound like I have a mix of ADD and Schizophrenia don't I? but shouldn't I be "hungry" for more... if I'm not, wouldn't that defeat the purpose of my mothers struggles? not to mention my own? (enter clip of me getting bullied in 5th grade)......... entonces? hmm.

Ladies and Gents... I have never basked so much in the glory that is Hispanic Heritage Month. I went to an event hosted at the Time Warner center by HBO Latino last night and I saw the screening of "Celebrity Habla"-- dope. I laughed a lot, and almost teared (that's me being a softy again). It was great because it reminded me that MOST of the Latinos that are famous now were once struggling to find themselves, as well as wondering how the hell to make some sort of impact on our community. It reminded me how hard some of us try to assimilate when we come here as immigrants, to blend in (I actually wrote a poem about this in 12th grade, except I was stating that blending in is not for me). It reminded me that just because we're not in the times when the Brown Berets and the Young Lords were around does NOT mean that the Latino struggle is dead, or that we are chilling at home not trying to move forward as a people. Our identity as Latinos in America is (I feel) the struggle of my generation... but maybe this is a subject with too much substance... Ideally I would love to be in a coffee shop (how American of me) with a group of mi gente (there we go Latina all the way) discussing these things, coming up with ways of how we could make changes. --- BTW that's why I love my sorority, these women do all of this every day as social workers, educators, lawyers... etc etc.

I got to see Rita Moreno! casi se me sale la baba... O.M.G.... I was able to meet people from the film industry (thanks Rachel & Mike aka Juan for pulling me in, I can get shy ::gasp::).................. INSPIRATIONAL night indeed.

On other news.......... I got to see Where the Wild Things Are ... First of all, that little boy Max would have gotten his culito waxed if he would have done that to my gramma... pero! for the purpose of the movie it worked... I identified with him! at times he felt alone, confused, scared, happy, wild! Maybe it is all a part of growing up (and here I thought puberty was long gone)... it was nice. Because just like little Max eventually I'll find my way to where it is that I belong (SO GO SEEEEEEEEE IT!) Plus it didnt hurt that the person who I joined made the night effortless and relaxing (aja! lo hice!)... so thank you.

I'm challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone and take risks (the theme from last year returns!) don't get comfortable that = boredom and death to POSSIBILITIES... Lets see where this goes....................................

In High Spirits...

::FanStar::

Omens of all sorts...

I want to share my weekend with you all because I feel that we often focus on the bad or the small intances that might break through our state of happiness and let it spread far too quick...

I spent my Saturday w/ my very close and very sweet sister Zuzu--- and this was by mere luck, because if it weren't for her my Saturday would have been quite plain (so thank you Zuzu for helping my night be memorable)... we went to El Museo del Barrio and saw a bit of the screening for Soledad O'Brien's documentary Latino in America (airing this wed! watch it), I got the chance to see her and hear her speak after the screening was over, and I have to say this lady is truly an inspiration to me as a Latina. She spoke so well and carried herself in a matter that most women either dont care for or never had a chance to acquire. I'm really excited to see what Latino in America entails and how it will portray mi gente to the rest of America, lets hope it is as successful as Black in America. Even if it was produced and done with a different point of view... maybe this leads CNN to have more pieces like this: she said that people have approached her about Gay in America, Poverty in America, Education in America --- maybe I'll pick up a cam and film something for the masses some day --- Jmo included.

After listening to Soledad Z and I went about our way exploring Spanish Harlem... lets just say it was interesting. The night ended with dinner and some free Sangria @ Sofrito (Thank you to the owner of the restaurant for the shots and drinks)--- Neo was there and so was Stephon Marbury, whom I must say seems a little out of whack... maybe sitting this season out has him a little crazy. Anyway, something nice happened: a handsome stranger managed to keep my attention for most of the night, not with corny lines and Casanova moves, but with intelligent words--- about politics, cultural issues, travel etc etc... so, what I'm saying is if you find yourself in a social setting, dont go in with the expectation of "bagging numbers" rather go in with the hope that you get to have a decent conversation with someone... I know, I'm so easily pleased...

Sunday morning wasn't what I expected, but it made me realize that as a female who tends to complain about the idiocies of men I should always say what I mean when I'm feeling it, because letting that stuff build up is not cool... and since people aren't mind readers you should let them know "the deal". I realized that I truly cant STAND rudeness of any sort, because on a basic human level it just isnt right... and most importantly I would like to advice mi gente that empty apologies for the same things shouldn't simply be accepted and dismissed. Treat others as you want to be treated---- mami said it, hallmark said it, now I'm saying it.

I got to do brunch with Yuvi---whom I love--- and a friend who we met in Costa Rica this summer... it was interesting because in CR we were all about fun, and to be honest I didn't expect that I would keep in touch with any of the fellas we met in CR... but I did, and I'm glad for it. He was as handsome as I remember him (haha) and through our conversation he said something that I never really thought of, (of course it was about relationships) he said that what is most important is CONSISTENCY... and I said wow, you are so right. People get together and start off one way and 6 months down the line (if you're lucky) you're like where is the person I liked? So lesson #3--- be consistant. If you're going to open the door the first date, dont stop doing it... the little things are the ones that keep a relationship going... dont tell me I'm beautiful once a month, thats ridiculous...

By the end of the night Yuvi and I had walked around, discussed the battle that some of us women are faced with even at our young age (success/education/respect vs. being obedient and "keeping" a man--- which will be my next blog), laughed harder than most days, and watched The Soloist (great movie btw).... my ride home (1 to the A to the D to the F) was also memorable. A mix of random people, a handsome ( HANDSOME) black man, a little boy happy like the day of xmas because he had a doughnut in his hand, a stare down that turned into the nicest smile ever received, and a business card from a makeup arist (Yves Saint Lauren 34th St).... I took the whole weekend as a sign that I am growing as a woman, as a Latina, as an individual... and that hopefully this growth is leading me to better things as this new year creeps up on us... a toast to 2010.

Fan.Star

Inspiration is all around us...

I miss writing... and since my laptop is not working (my pc can't take much more of me saving things onto it)... I'm going to catch up on blogging...

First let me give you a few random thoughts swirling in my head:

1. Poor Leona Lewis--- someone punched her in her face the day she was signing her new book... who wakes up and is like, I want to go punch someone in the face today? lol wth!

2. I'm excited for the movie 2012... although this is a possibility in a near future, I'm still interested in the special effects... call me crazy---- =O

3. Should Obama have won the Nobel Peace Prize? Maybe not... but he did so how about we move on and talk about --oh Idk maybe the Health Care issues?? Hmmm...the truth is unless it affects you directly you wont care much about it...

4. Its cold. And although the change of weather brings me a sense of hope and change (No this is not bc of Obama)--- I'm not a fan of cold anything--- except for ice cream ... yum.

5. Office politics suck. And people that talk sht suck. And I know karma will be knocking on their doors any day now... gotcha beach!

6. Since when is it ok for a guy to play hard to get? --- another wth moment.

7. Why are Aventura tix so expensive? I'm not a fan of dominican men to begin with... ugh lol but I'll go for the Biff.

8. I'm all for supporting Latino artists, Directors, Films, Writers... etc... but sometimes people need a really good focus group to let them know that their material needs a lot or a little of tweaking... just food for thought.

9. I'm glad that Disney is coming out with another princess movie, and she is Black! woo woo get it... lets see if they get a Latina in next... :)

So I know my previous blogs have sounded a bit harsh in regards to men... so I'll share something sweet someone I'm seeing did... So I only had heels and a "lets go out" outfit as a spare to head out--- and as I have shared with you all I'm not a fan of cold--- well long story short, he gave me something to wear that was warm (including sneakers---which fit me huge) (laughlaughlaugh)... See men have the ability of doing something nice... they just choose to be idiots 95% of the time.

::FanStar::

SMH

Amy Winehouse (who is not the most sane) says in one of her songs "idk why I fk myself in the head with stupid men"---oh man... truth? yes.

Perfect example of why men are stupid:

I'm talking to a friend (lets call him STUPID) of mine about his relationship with some girl (lets call her April) and he tells me April had a pregnancy scare recently (many women have gone through this and I'm sure many will deny it in public... the fkin scrutiny of society I tell you)-- So when this happened April asked Stupid what he would do if the pregnancy were real and not a scare... so what does this stupid man tell her? "I would say lets have dinner and discuss the pros and cons"--- WRONG ANSWER. Listen fellas, I bet you didn't discuss the pros and cons of having sex, now did you? I'm not going to throw the whole thing on men because it takes two to do the deed. But what a female needs to hear isn't--- lets discuss the pros and cons--- since ultimately she will make the choice , what she needs to hear is "No matter your choice, I'LL SUPPORT YOU". Simple. You know why men are stupid? Aside from many obvious reasons that is... because they always manage to put their foot in their mouth.

Of course I told stupid of the above and he was offended (oh well, I was offended for Ms. April)... Ladies, next time a guy asks for anything--- even a hug, why don't you tell him "hmmm lets discuss the pros and the cons first".

SMH. Simply unbelievable.

FanStar.

Sharing a tad...

I hate people that blog/write poetry and they sound like what others want them to sound like as opposed to what they should sound like... como que way too intricate/dramatic/"deep" for a WOW effect... that doesn't make much send does it?... but something like:

----and I was so still yet so quick like the clouds that move at their own pace yet contradict themselves with the time of day---- <<<>

so that... really annoys me.

Its nice to be in control of your emotions, like I said before: that is a woman's downfall (which I heard it from a man)--- Pero si tu supieras... ha.

I bumped into a friend from Junior High School who i had not seen in years (like 10)--- isn't that wild? it was nice to catch up... I usually avoid people, but this time around I made the move. Its always great to reconnect with the past... after all, you have to know where you came from to realize where you're going (<--- was that too cliche? too "deep" and poetic?)

I enjoyed watching the Mayweather vs. Marquez fight (if anything for the Lari bonding, love ju) and then the Giants vs. Cowboys Sunday night... sad that the Cowboys lost on their spanking new stadium--- Hmmmmm, maybe next time Romo.

Smirking away....

Fan Star

If you're in Philly catch my friend in his new play: Grace n the art of climbing

Things that make you go hmmm...

In the course of two weeks over six guys have "kicked game" to me and they have all left me in amazement... but not because of their intellect or sweetness... all I can say is where the fk do these guys come out of? and why on earth I'm I attracting them? Other then to laugh... because clearly thats what this is for... In an effort to better understand this, I'll be chronicling the next few dates I go on, maybe someone can find a reason for the madness... Hmmm?

I went to the premiere of Matt Damon's new film, The Informant, I suggest you all go out to see it... its simply hysterical and the story line was written so well you will enjoy every second of it... I also went to the after party (THANKS CRACKY, HAPPY BDAY AGAIN) and it was fabulous! Gotham Hall is beautiful, I felt like I was in Rome again (the inside looks like a dome)... breath taking to say the least... Matt Damon is very handsome and he had at least 15 people around him the whole time... Many warm wishes to him.

So I translated something for Music Choice! Yey--- Super excited... go for it:

http://www.terra.com/ocio/articulo/html/oci699642.htm

Stay tuned... more to come!

:)

On a ride by myself...

Men are stupid.
Simply put. SMH.
But now that I am sure of this! (raises finger in the air) I'm okay.
My poor cousin is on his way to becoming a man... and with it he gets the great gift of stupidity... and if you don't believe me (raises finger in the air)--- look @ Kanye.
Okay maybe thats too high up in the latter, but I can name 10 guys off the top of my head that prove me right...

And so...
I'm all smiles, and thank you Jesus for giving me the ability to bounce back so quickly... if my world ends tomorrow I would rather have it end with a smile on my face, than curled up in a ball on my bed.

Just some food for thought. Romance my friends should not put any limitations on you.

And so I heard through the grapevine that my ex boyfriend is getting married... YIKES.
I wish him (and all my exs) the best (raises eyebrow)...
I must be like good luck chuck -minus- the sexual intercourse (this is the 3rd ex this year I hear is getting or got married)<--- get me while I'm hot, or run away if you're not looking for a ring a wife and little Johnny...


I bought my flight to Toronto today! (HAPPY HERE)
Its all about living loving and laughing... and figuring out this twirl that I call mi vida.

I'm amazing. Are you?

<3>

Hmmm...

Foreal...

I'm

Now

Determining wether or not

Its

Ni...s that run this

Game

However it is played

As usual

Phoebe fell for

Peter Piper

I'm

Not one to hate

Especially on ...

Such occasions

Simply put...

My mind.My body. My soul. Are going through some Meditation.

And so it rained when the clouds got tired of holding back...

You know when you see things coming from a mile away? As if a 6th sense was alerting you of the inevitable… I hate this part. I hate dwelling on things, I hate acting like I don’t care when I really do. I hate talking about it and then I hate it even more to have to keep it inside. But I’m getting a little too old to be pretending that emotions don’t exist; when they are as tangible as a brick wall.
Acting out of character resulted in the culmination of the inevitable… but I’m glad for it. Experience is the best teacher.
I sound like a sap, and that’s bc I feel like one. But like I’ve told myself in the past--- you were fine before, you’ll be fine after.

*out of sight, out of mind*

yes..

I Love to cuddle and be silly in bed...
I went on a boat ride... but it was not what I expected...
I strolled today! Gosh I miss being an undergrad...
I need a pedicure...bad... lol
I can't wait for the beach... me, my ipod, my journal and the Sun Sun Sun
I wish all my great friends lived on my block...
I'll write tomorrow--- but not in tongues...

luck...

I don't know if luck is real but I sure feel blessed.

On another note: why create a storm when its sunny? The rain will fall when the clouds get tired of holding back.

<3

Joyful Joyful

I'm super ...errr... I just got nostalgic watching ABDC (lmao insert clip of lil mam here)... I Love dancing, I can't wait for Fame the remake to come out ( I know errr again)...

I found myself in the middle of a political/social economic fueled conversation and I barely had anything to offer... that wasn't a great feeling... I guess after college I've disconnected myself as much as possible from the current event news, I've blocked off what I learned about Marxism, Communism, Socialism... then again I wasn't a PoliSci major==> BUT that is not an excuse to not have much to contribute to a conversation... and so now I will make it a point to read publications from around the globe, not just the US bc we all know how skewed that can be... but most of all I would like to read some books on politics and the social economic atmosphere that we and other countries live under... Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Hmmm...

Men who have the syndrome known as "mamitis" scare me... so if you are aware of this in your life nip it... the pontential relationships that you are dead-in bc of this syndrome are....(errr again)

I am chuckling on the inside at all the guys from my past that didn't last who are trying to make a comeback but will go no where fast...chuckle...chuckle...

I can't wait for the fall... and maybe fall in love... with life- All Over Again.

<3>

Dare to Dream...

Last night we (Dream Team) had our first fundraising event @ ViBe lounge in Washington Heights. I knew it would be hot once I left my office, but I had no idea it would be scorching-ly so. It took every sensible cell in me not to jump into one of the six open fire hydrants I saw on my way to the lounge... but I knew the cold air from the AC would make the trip worth while--- and lo and behold, the AC was not working ( I panicked but then I let it go)--- the AC was fixed as the night went on...

The event was a success! We had an amazing turn out and I was smiling from ear to ear the whole night. I was surprised to see some of the people that came out and actually stayed the whole evening-- it was great! The positive energy was felt from every corner and it was truly appreciated...

Shout out to: Dream Team, Hype Solutions, Nevaeh Jeans, SFGD, TOMA, Vodka, Underground Latino, Vibe Lounge, Wildboy Clothing, Mangu AllStars, TSE, Delmonte & Co., My biffs:Daze&Bebo,Omar&Serg,Paula,Gamma Gamma of SIA, Stroll Team of SIA, Cussies... ok! <3>

Happy... simply said.

Loving MiGente...

There's nothing like a weekend with your girls to refresh your memory of who you were then, who you are now, and where you are going to be in the future. A little bit of grown women dust is all you need to keep you grounded & focused (whether they show you blatantly or unknowingly through their good & bad decisions...)

I am Dominican & Spanish but I was raised como una Dominicana... except not so much since I spent my younger years in Venezuela (Margarita, I still dream of you) by a mother who has a very peculiar way of doing things... hehe.
I wasn't raised in any specific religion (nope, I never did my first comunion)
I learned to make arepas before I learned to make mangu de platanos
I would rather salsa any day over merengue
and although Dominican men are top five in the "who has the best sense of humor" category, I would rather not date them (ya yo veo, spitting in the air and it landing in my...)

But! That does not change the fact that I am Dominican & that I love my culture & most of all
MiGente!
At the Dominican festival this Sunday, I found myself amongst massive crowds of people singing bachatas & merengues with actual bands on the corners of the never sleeping Washington Heights. It was simply amazing. I danced with random strangers, spoke to a gramma eating arroz con abichuela outside her window-sill, and waved my flag around as I walked from 191 to 163rd. I finished my night con un chimi (don't judge I was close to starving)...

The point is, even if you're not from a certain place it doesn't mean that you don't belong to it... Just because my mother listened to Rocio Durcal instead of Las Chicas del Can does not mean that I am not Dominican... por que sin duda--- I can def throw the ill Chancletazo across a room.

<3>

And so I shed...

It must be the full moon that has me feeling like this... or maybe having Maxwell serenading me on the F train got me thinking... but then again after seeing some of the most inspiring art I've seen in a while who wouldn't feel the way I'm feeling...

I stood outside staring @ the moon, ugh these inner conflicts... my girl-friend sent me an article about it, something about shedding... and lately I've been feeling exposed. I know I am quick to say my piece and speak my mind, but when it comes to my emotions, that is a different story. A story that often has no happy ending.

Showers are the quickest way to heal the soul... so I scrubbed. And then I thought go write, or rather shed it off. So here I go over exposing myself... it might not make sense (I'm writing off of this high) to you, and I'm sure when I finish typing it wont make much sense to me either--- and this is why I call myself MisUnderstood.

Sometimes I get it sometimes I don't...these thoughts...these thoughts...

I said in my previous blog I'm romantically happy... haven't said or felt that in almost two years...but the truth is I'm anxious & scared. Lo que pasa es que yo me entrego cuando me gusta un chamo...un chico...un hombre... its like word vomit--- I can't help but express my care/like... and trust me, I get hurt plenty. And so I am grasping on to the logical side that has occupied my emotions. Its not that I'm falling in love (ha) its that the slightest notice of liking sets all my skeptical censors off...peeepeppepeeeeepp... I want to shed this "anxiety" and teach myself to soak it in as opposed to blocking it off... I want to shed away the closure I never got from someone who impacted the way I see relationships and men as a whole---I know I will never get closure, not from him, not even if I get the gift back... if the gift were returned it would lose its value ...have you ever given someone something and the gift took a little piece of you with it?...that's how I feel---I want to shed that feeling...I'm upset @ myself for having a million and one things I wish to do and yet I have no idea where to start or where to go to do them. Everyday I wake up with a new idea---I want to be a drummer, I want to start this gosh darn book which I have over 15 chapters for, I would love to pick up my phone and call my dad and say...---I'm mad @ myself for feeling a little bit less of a success when I'm around other people who have found their purpose/are passionate about their field---God knows these people have insecurities too---I want to shed this internal "anger" and live life right now right here...

::exhale::inhale::
Shed away...I say shed it all away.

Como una Estrella Fugaz

(Art By Demostina: www.demostina.com)

Flash... that was me

So I'm super MIA from my Blog! I should get kicked for that. Sorry world... not that anyone reads this... or do you?? Hmmmmmmmm....................(ponders)

A lot going on! Work is busy-- that's a good thing, if you're not busy you're most likely bored and I don't know about you, but bored is not something I like to be... Entonces, I'm trying to make sense of the melting pot that is my life... I am dipping my toes in freelancing (just translated something for Frankie Negron--- English to Spanish is NOT as easy as you might think). Cross your fingers for me, I am venturing into new waters. I miss writing, like really writing--- as in sitting down undisturbed with my laptop and just letting my crazy thoughts onto a saved hard rive! But why not just write you ask?! Well, I cant find the charger to my laptop :( ahhhhhhh... thats me <--- AHHH.

I am also extremely excited and happy to say that my friends and I are doing an after work fundraiser for a cause that is close to our hearts--- or rather for a person close to it--- details to follow! But there is much to do with a very small window of time to do it in... still it is WONDERFUL to help... (insert halo here)

I went to the NY Latino Film Festival and LOVED IT, I hope you all went to support the fellow artist that are trying to make moves for themselves... the energy in the room is crazy when you're surrounded by creative minds... ahh...

I went bowling! I sucked... until the last game and then! ppl were not really trying (boohoo)... I know i sound like a million thoughts at once, but thats my melting pot for you!

I am romantically happy. AHH. haha... sorry for all the screaming, but its good screaming--- its a scream for hope, for guidance, for positive vibes and what the future which for yesterday is today- will hold... A toast to my Odyssey.

• Look out for Dream Teams Fundraiser!


• If you're free tomorrow 6-8 pm @ Plum Rest. on 168 and Broadway, Local Artist! Come support!

Holding on to the rails gets old, I'm ready to fall...fall...fall

FanStar

Pick me up...

So I have been all over the place, its like an open faucet--- just flowing and flowing, but with more pressure... 100 things to do, and here I want to sign up for all of them, except when it hits 5pm all I want is to make it to my bed to rest--- to catch up on the 2 months of sleep that I have been skipping on. No I know its not healthy... I know.

I sent my picture and info to a casting for VH1s Story Tellers: Mariah Carey and I got it! :) I was very excited to read the email ::CONGRATS::-- That was a great way to fall asleep...

Sometimes I wonder if I'm lucky or if I'm meant to be in this business--- more material... more stories... more journal entries...more blogs.

It was Yuvis bday week and I'm happy to say that it was a success, she was happy & that is really all that mattered! It also reminded me how much I love to plan things even if it is hectic to be the contact person... which led me to think of ways I can make moves for myself... One thought, one moment has the power to ignite the "fire within"--- maybe my road to self discovery finally will get some light... all I ask is for guidance ((hum)).

And So I'll be patient...but not without searching,hoping,thinking,creating,organizing,talking,moving...oh the future.

Fan Star.